a mess

teaandcupcakesplease

Hi all

I know this post will gather alot of negativity.

a year ago I ended a year long affair.im not proud of it but realised what i was doing was wrong. we both had partners, he had a child. i concentrated on my own long term relationship and i then became pregnant to my partner and we are awaiting the arrival of our baby

i have now found out that the person i had the affair with is now having an affair with someone else and says that hes the happiest hes ever been and that hes never giving her up etc, fair enough (i still speak to him through text/fb ). I do realise that he is obviously a seriel offender and that no doubt he will eventually cheat on her years down the line etc, but my problem is, even though i ended it, even though i know its wrong hes a waste of space and did the right thing (eventually) i now find myself really upset and jelous he is with someone else and that when i ended it he found someone so quickly?? why am i so broken hearted when actually i am more than happy with my decision to work it out with my partner and have our baby?

Gillyx

Why are you still in contact with him? Be fair and true to you partner and father of your child. Cut all contact, facebook, text messages whatever else. It doesn't seem that you are more than happy with your current situation if you're still pining after him.

teaandcupcakesplease

i dont know why i am still in contact with him. We had excitement and passion which is something i dont have with my partner HOWEVER i do love my partner and thank my stars everyday that i had the sense to end it. My partner and i lack excitememnt in the Bedroom if you get my meaning and i can honestly say thats the only thing wrong in our relationship which is why i did what i did? does that make sense? i am now jelous that the new mistress will experience the passion and excitment just as i did...

apologies if i am not explaining myself well. x

mumonashoestring

None of us like to see someone we've ended it with in circumstances like that move on that quickly and successfully. Add to that your hormones may be a little out of whack thanks to pregnancy (just a possibility, I know my reactions weren't entirely normal while I had that much oestrogen sloshing around inside me)...

Either way, there is no useful purpose to keeping tabs on what this person is doing with his life.

Gillyx

I question why you would stay with someone and chose to have a child if you don't have that 'passion'

I do understand what you mean but in my opinion if it's not there it's very hard to create, which is why I find it hard to understand why you'd continue on with the relationship as it's obviously important to you?

Does your partner know how you feel? Is he ok with you still having contact with this man? If you see your relationship having a long future, how will you handle not having the passion that you crave?

mumonashoestring

teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »

i dont know why i am still in contact with him

Because you've chosen to stay in contact. It really is that simple - and it's not doing you any favours hon x

teaandcupcakesplease

yeah the thing is i know he was no good (some could argue i am not good for my partner) and that his current mistress wont be the last.

aileth

To be honest I think it's really disrespectful to your partner to stay in contact with him. You can't have your cake and eat it, plus being in contact with him is making you bitter and miserable. If you had cut off contact with him when it ended, you wouldn't be in this position now. Do the right thing.

teaandcupcakesplease

Gillyx wrote: »

I question why you would stay with someone and chose to have a child if you don't have that 'passion'

I do understand what you mean but in my opinion if it's not there it's very hard to create, which is why I find it hard to understand why you'd continue on with the relationship as it's obviously important to you?

Does your partner know how you feel? Is he ok with you still having contact with this man? If you see your relationship having a long future, how will you handle not having the passion that you crave?

by passion i mean exciting S%X its a difficult subject for us both to talk about believe it or not. I have said to him we need to sort that out as i believe its the only thing thats wrong.

No my partner knows nothing. I really want to be with my partner, happy with my choices and excited about our future i just dont understand why i am so jelous of his new mistress!! i dont want to feel this way. x

ninadam

i agree with other responses, i think you really need to cut contact with him.if it makes you feel so bad hearing that he is with someone else/how happy he is then why put yourself through it. he sounds like he is bragging anyway and has no worries about how this will make you feel.tell him not to contact you at all/ delete his number/ change your number if you must.Concentrate on your husband and getting ready for your new baby and leave this loser behind!Good Luck xx

teaandcupcakesplease

aileth wrote: »

To be honest I think it's really disrespectful to your partner to stay in contact with him. You can't have your cake and eat it, plus being in contact with him is making you bitter and miserable. If you had cut off contact with him when it ended, you wouldn't be in this position now. Do the right thing.

your absolutely right it is making me miserable. I have now deleted his number and deleted him of fb. x