FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

Pixiechic

Hey, not long to go!

If he shouts just don't rise to it because he wants you to rise to the bait. You don't need to respond, once you've told him its over, it's over.

I wonder if you have thought about his post, with all that's going on maybe not. You could say that you will forward his post to his Mums or wherever he is going until he redirects. The last thing you want is for him to keep popping back as an excuse to pick up his post!

Try not to worry, although that is easier said than done, I know!

tayforth

msb5262 wrote: »

Hi tayforth,
Glad you are still posting here - I've been wondering how you're doing. Will be thinking of you and sending you every possible good wish as I look for updates later.
Bear in mind, you will probably feel enormously emotionally drained by the end of today....but you're doing the right thing, and you're not alone.
MsB xx

Thank you so much. I feel emotionally drained already. I'm just about keeping it together at work. Only an hour to go, then I can escape.

paulineb wrote: »

Im sure he does know what hes done to you. People arent that stupid in most cases to think they can abuse people and not have an effect on the person.

I still wouldnt give him the articles though. And if he did go and get proper professional help, perhaps in time he might be able to see why he behaves the way he does and actually change his ways of relating to people he has close relationships with.

And even though you might not care about that at the moment and I dont blame you, it might make this process easier for both of you, the ending the marriage.

Person_one wrote: »

I wouldn't give him the printouts.

I completely understand why you want to, with my ex I printed out a load of stuff about the signs of controlling behaviour and stuck it to the fridge so I could point out when he was doing it, so I completely get why its so tempting.

However, I think it will just give him an opening to start an argument which is the last thing you want. You need to be firm, clear and stick to your guns, not give him the chance to say "But I don't do this! I only did this because you did that!"

You want him gone, that's the goal, so stick to that and don't do anything that might get in the way of it.

I'll refrain from giving him the printouts. But I will them in the house, and if he starts telling me that I've imagined it all, I'll give them to him (i.e. not mention that I printed them off *for* him, just that I read them myself - which I have).

tayforth

Pixiechic wrote: »

Hey, not long to go!

If he shouts just don't rise to it because he wants you to rise to the bait. You don't need to respond, once you've told him its over, it's over.

I wonder if you have thought about his post, with all that's going on maybe not. You could say that you will forward his post to his Mums or wherever he is going until he redirects. The last thing you want is for him to keep popping back as an excuse to pick up his post!

Try not to worry, although that is easier said than done, I know!

I won't rise to the bait. I have no feelings for him whatsoever. I don't hate him, love him, like him, respect him. He's nothing to me. So there'll be no shouting on my part. I just want him gone as quickly as possible.

He already has most of his post sent to his mum's - all his bank stuff etc. He never bothered changing his address as he moved so often during and after university. So that's handy, isn't it! I'll forward whatever bits arrive for him.

tayforth

Quoted this from another thread:

nerak_y wrote: »

Loads of what PaulineB said in her last post resonates with me, I'm sure there was also an undiagnosed mental health issue involved with my ex too, and much as I tried to be understanding, I did go down the route of screaming back. Not proud of myself, but I did hit a point where I stopped and realised I didn't like who I was becoming and only I could stop the situation. I retreated into myself for a while, despite having the most wonderful supportive family. Then I seen the light and a massive web of lies on his part then came to light. So it is thankfully behind me, and I do take responsibility for what I went through. The awful lies he told were what kept me there.

Your post was very well put!! xx

This is exactly what happened to me.

Kayalana99

Person_one wrote: »

However, I think it will just give him an opening to start an argument which is the last thing you want. You need to be firm, clear and stick to your guns, not give him the chance to say "But I don't do this! I only did this because you did that!"

Sorry hun but I 100% agree with this! I understand to why you want him to have them but perhaps pack them in a suitcase he is taking with him so he can't argue about them?

Good luck not long left now till you can get out of work!!

tayforth

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Sorry hun but I 100% agree with this! I understand to why you want him to have them but perhaps pack them in a suitcase he is taking with him so he can't argue about them?

Good luck not long left now till you can get out of work!!

I might do that. Thanks a mill xxx

aileth

Nothing useful to say, except what an absolutely brilliant, strong decision you've made. I really, really hope it all goes well for you and you can set an example for all the women out there suffering under something similar and give them the courage to leave. Best wishes xxx

tayforth

Thank you, aileth. As for not useful, it was anything but. What a motivational post! I'll take any words of encouragement that I can get.

I am starting to feel a bit stronger and more determined. I'm leaving work in a few minutes and will walk home in the sunshine, thinking about my new life.

I'll be back on before he gets home and after he leaves updating you all, I promise xxx

neneromanova

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Sorry hun but I 100% agree with this! I understand to why you want him to have them but perhaps pack them in a suitcase he is taking with him so he can't argue about them?

Good luck not long left now till you can get out of work!!

Ooooh, that's a good one, So when he opens it he has it in his face straight away and has time to think about it, it's what I would do

But then it could cause a little bit of hassle with him coming round asking "what the f&ck is this?!" with the bits of paper or something if he really doesn't believe any of it is his fault.

Daniel54

Have followed this thread since you started it and wanted to wish you good luck.Just focus on what you need to do and get it done.

He has treated you without respect and and you have none left for him

Just remeber,the only person you can change in a relationship is yourself.I hope there are blue skies ahead for you