FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

paulineb_2

Look after yourself, take all the support you can, but you need to eat and I know thats tough in stressful times.

2012 was a really stressful year for my family, they went through a horrendous legal issue, something that wasnt their fault and could have ended up in the person concerned losing their job and worse, my relative went down to 6 stones 10.

And just as all that was sorted, my boss who had been bullying me for months, sent me a letter telling me she was sacking me, no reason given.

What Im trying to say is that sometimes life chucks you the biggest curveballs and you think you will never be happy again. But you get through it.

But you need to look after yourself even if that means eating when its the last thing you feel.

And any support from outside agencies thats on hand, counselling, take it. Whatever gets you through.

tayforth

Person_one wrote: »

Just keep thinking, this time tomorrow it will be over, it'll be done.

That's what's keeping me going at the minute :Axxx

paulineb wrote: »

Look after yourself, take all the support you can, but you need to eat and I know thats tough in stressful times.

2012 was a really stressful year for my family, they went through a horrendous legal issue, something that wasnt their fault and could have ended up in the person concerned losing their job and worse, my relative went down to 6 stones 10.

And just as all that was sorted, my boss who had been bullying me for months, sent me a letter telling me she was sacking me, no reason given.

What Im trying to say is that sometimes life chucks you the biggest curveballs and you think you will never be happy again. But you get through it.

But you need to look after yourself even if that means eating when its the last thing you feel.

And any support from outside agencies thats on hand, counselling, take it. Whatever gets you through.

How terrible for you all xxx

And thank you, I am having lunch, I'll need all my strength for later.

tayforth

I've printed off some articles on abusive relationships and highlighted the relevant bits.

I'm going to give them to him later, to let him see what he's done to me. He might throw them in the bin but I'll give them to him anyway.

The reason is: I'm fairly sure that he'll shout me down, and I've never been much good at arguing back. This way, I can just hand him the printouts and let them speak for me.

Good idea or bad idea?

paulineb_2

I wouldnt to be honest. How can I say this, people arent unaware of how they are behaving. They can make all the excuses they like for the way they behave and Im talking about everyone here, including myself. If Ive acted like an idiot with someone, Im big enough to be able to look at my own behaviour and think, Ive been in the wrong.

I wouldnt do anything that might end up in a bigger shouting match. If he really wants to go to counselling to address the reasons why hes been so angry and the way hes treated you or other people in the past, I think thats for him to deal with. You could suggest it.

Also, someone holding their hands up and admitting theyve been badly behaved is a start, but it only really matters if someone has the conviction to deal with their anger, hurt etc and get some help to deal with life stuff in a different way.

It wont change whats already been done, only you can deal with how you've been treated, try and put it in its place and move on. You might need counselling to do this.

Id just get the hard stuff out of the way first and then deal with the emotional fallout later.

bagpussbear

Just wanted to wish you all the best for later, and remember however hard tonight and the coming weeks might be, one day it will just be a memory for you, keep focused on that :-)

thehappybutterfly

Fingers crossed everything goes well tonight Tayforth x

Will be looking forward to seeing your updats hopefully with balloons and lots of happy smilies!

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

I wouldnt to be honest. How can I say this, people arent unaware of how they are behaving. They can make all the excuses they like for the way they behave and Im talking about everyone here, including myself. If Ive acted like an idiot with someone, Im big enough to be able to look at my own behaviour and think, Ive been in the wrong.

I wouldnt do anything that might end up in a bigger shouting match. If he really wants to go to counselling to address the reasons why hes been so angry and the way hes treated you or other people in the past, I think thats for him to deal with. You could suggest it.

Also, someone holding their hands up and admitting theyve been badly behaved is a start, but it only really matters if someone has the conviction to deal with their anger, hurt etc and get some help to deal with life stuff in a different way.

It wont change whats already been done, only you can deal with how you've been treated, try and put it in its place and move on. You might need counselling to do this.

Id just get the hard stuff out of the way first and then deal with the emotional fallout later.

I won't be giving him this stuff so that he can get help. I honestly couldn't care less at this stage whether he sorts himself out or not, he's nothing to me from here on. It's so that he can see what he's done to me.

As I said, he doesn't have to read it, but if he does, it will tell him why I've ended it and why it's over for good.

bagpussbear wrote: »

Just wanted to wish you all the best for later, and remember however hard tonight and the coming weeks might be, one day it will just be a memory for you, keep focused on that :-)

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Fingers crossed everything goes well tonight Tayforth x

Will be looking forward to seeing your updats hopefully with balloons and lots of happy smilies!

Thank you xxxx

msb5262

Hi tayforth,
Glad you are still posting here - I've been wondering how you're doing. Will be thinking of you and sending you every possible good wish as I look for updates later.
Bear in mind, you will probably feel enormously emotionally drained by the end of today....but you're doing the right thing, and you're not alone.
MsB xx

paulineb_2

Im sure he does know what hes done to you. People arent that stupid in most cases to think they can abuse people and not have an effect on the person.

I still wouldnt give him the articles though. And if he did go and get proper professional help, perhaps in time he might be able to see why he behaves the way he does and actually change his ways of relating to people he has close relationships with.

And even though you might not care about that at the moment and I dont blame you, it might make this process easier for both of you, the ending the marriage.

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

I've printed off some articles on abusive relationships and highlighted the relevant bits.

I'm going to give them to him later, to let him see what he's done to me. He might throw them in the bin but I'll give them to him anyway.

The reason is: I'm fairly sure that he'll shout me down, and I've never been much good at arguing back. This way, I can just hand him the printouts and let them speak for me.

Good idea or bad idea?

I wouldn't give him the printouts.

I completely understand why you want to, with my ex I printed out a load of stuff about the signs of controlling behaviour and stuck it to the fridge so I could point out when he was doing it, so I completely get why its so tempting.

However, I think it will just give him an opening to start an argument which is the last thing you want. You need to be firm, clear and stick to your guns, not give him the chance to say "But I don't do this! I only did this because you did that!"

You want him gone, that's the goal, so stick to that and don't do anything that might get in the way of it.