FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

jackieblack

Alpha58 wrote: »

NAR - jackieblack - lostinrates

Naughty step, all three of you. And then play nicely!

.................


:silenced:

lostinrates

Alpha58 wrote: »

NAR - jackieblack - lostinrates

Naughty step, all three of you. And then play nicely!

I was born to sit on the naughty step,

But only when its warranted or consentual.

So I opt for play nicely. (No cruising)

spirit

NAR wrote: »

Pity you don't like cruises, I was going to offer to you bring on one. :beer:

the only cruise you will ever see me on is the Nile cruise. Loved it, loved it, loved it. It far exceeded my expectations and intend to go back again (went 2008 last time)

NAR

jackieblack wrote: »

.................


:silenced:

lostinrates wrote: »

I was born to sit on the naughty step,

But only when its warranted or consentual.

So I opt for play nicely. (No cruising)

So what shall we play on the naughty step? Can I be in the middle? (keep my options open :rotfl: )

Wol2

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Tay, the comments about getting back to work are very valid. If it is your intention to return to work, for the time being at least, you do need to be making moves in that direction. I'm not saying this as an employment lawyer (though if you were off a long time, it could become an employment law issue) but as someone who has been there and knows how difficult it is to return to work after a long period on sick leave. It does honestly get harder to go back with every week that passes.

I second this Tay - I am self-employed so luckily have had the flexibility to choose when I want to work and have had savings to support me in the interim. However I've not been proactive in seeking new business and I now find it difficult to concentrate/work full time/achieve deadlines because I've got "used to not working"....and my somewhat substantial savings have now run out :eek:.

Re the travelling - I would also support not making any more life changing decisions at the moment given you've just made a pretty impressive one:T :T and are now starting to adjust/stablise .......;)

When I left my ex just before the millennium, I blew a load of savings on a plush two week holiday to Mauritius. At the time I was awaiting the scan result of having a possible brain tumour... which thankfully was benign. I have never regretted that holiday... or the money...(or the business class flight LOL)....it was a major milestone in my recovery.

Most importantly it introduced me to the idea of "single woman traveller" ....without the commitment longer term. And with hindsight. I really wasn;t in the best place to make a decision that might affect my long term future. I actually put a lot of research into the possibility of emigrating there :eek:....but I finally realised it wouldn;t have worked out given my circumstances at the time....it was a knee-jerk idealised reaction to escaping my ex. :cool:

For info: I found Mauritius was very "safe" for single women...apart from getting chatted up on the beach by a 17year old looking for a sugar mummy and a UK Passport :eek::rotfl:. I subsequently found the Caribbean islands slightly more predatory .......but my last holiday was in Mexico 5 years ago and it was lovely. Have to say though, I always chose to stay at top notch all inclusive hotels with a gym and just chill out on the beach with the odd arranged tour, because I found this the most safe and relaxing environment for me at the time.

One other point - I left my ex when I was 41. Never had kids with him because I just knew it would "enable him to control me even more".....don;t have a long term partner or kids now. So I'm just approaching 52 years old, and I am actually quite comfortable now with my life as it currently is ...although I would actually like a job that suits ....so i can take another holiday :rotfl:

I guess the point I;m making is that the world is still your oyster and I think you should give yourself time to adjust to "the now and here" before making big decisions. You have had to cope with an awful lot...and you have come out the other side.....WELL DONE.:T:T:T

I would respectfully suggest it might be more preferable to consolidate and put down some anchors now...including going back to your current workplace......before you make any further decisions to "upend yourself"...By all means. book a holiday in the area where you think you might like to travel and go for a recce! By all means have dreams and aspirations and targets.........but also please treat yourself gently as you have just come from an extremely damaging relationship which can affect your judgement, and getting free does affect us in different ways. I'm worried that you not wishing to "re-engage" with work is a possible effect for you?

Please don;t rush into any decisions atm. Please don;t jeopardise your current income/tent pegs that going back to work will provide you with, amidst the rest of the turmoil. That "albeit short-term" stability you have now established shouldn;t be underestimated - as I'm sure you will understand from my last PM

Much love and hugs to a fellow survivor
xxx

spirit

Brilliant post Wol2 :T

rockie4

Brilliant post Wol2! :T

Being in a similar situation to Tayforth having just left my controlling ex it's helped me a lot I'd thought about having a holiday of a lifetime when I finally get the money through from the house sale (not holding my breath on that one...) but was apprehensive about being a single woman travelling alone........and also the fact that I've never flown or been abroad because he wouldn't go anywhere but Wales for holidays :mad:

Tayforth - I know we've 'talked' about counselling, my counsellor suggested making a bucket list of all the things I want/would like to do.....holidays, courses, trips, personal things like massages and manicures....anything that takes your fancy!! No rush to do any of them but hope to do all of them when the time is right. I've found it really useful and have ticked a couple of them already:)

I think I'm settling quite well in my new place, OH is being an ar*e about the car so I am a bit restricted during the evenings but I'm lucky that I have fantastic public transport links where I am so I fully intend to get out and about a bit more...........I refuse to let OH's controlling ways affect me any more my confidence is growing!!

I might even consider a cruise!!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Wol2

Tay - your inbox is full!

Hope you;re OK

xxxx

P.S.Go to "Private messages" in your account ...and download "select all" check box as "text"...and save the download to new a file on your hard drive with a new name to identify all your inbox...then repeat the same with your sent/outbox

Once you're sure you've saved all messages, then delete all current PM's from your MSE boxes by checking "delete all" box fir both In and Sent....
HTH
xxx

tayforth

Thanks all. I enjoyed all the holiday talk and life advice, and am glad that you're all friends again

I've been trying to spend as much time as possible with my mum in the last few days as she's going away for a few days from Sunday, and I'm going back to my house a day or two after that.

I'll do a proper reply tomorrow. In the meantime, thanks so much for all your help and advice. Wol2, your post really struck a chord with me, I'll talk about it more tomorrow - you made some really good points.

Oh and thanks also for the private message tips, I didn't know that you could do that! I've just downloaded and saved all my messages, and now have lots of space for people to PM me so go for it I always like hearing from you lovely lot.

xxxx

tayforth

p.s. when I get back to my house next week, I'm going to be on here quite a lot, in need of company