FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

Hezzawithkids

tayforth wrote: »

Just noticed the 150,000 views... how many lurkers are there on this thread???? :eek:

Me for one!

paulineb_2

I think some people will view the thread several times, if you post, it will count as a view I would imagine.

tayforth

Thanks for all the kind comments and a big hello to the lurkers

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

It makes you wonder how many people there are out there, trapped silently, in marriages that are not working (for whatever reason). One thing that has impressed me about this thread is that without exception everyone has been supportive.

That has impressed me as well. It's a really positive thread, and everyone has been amazing. It's 2 months and 3 days since I first posted, and I've been overwhelmed by the kindness and support that everyone has shown.

I also often wonder about the people who are reading this thread - what they're going through, whether they've found the advice helpful (I'm sure that they have), whether they've managed to get up the courage to make positive changes to their lives. I sincerely hope that others have been helped, it would make me very happy to think so.

mcja wrote: »

Tay, this is an very inspiring and empowering thread. It shows women (and men I guess) that you can make it work when it seems like it won't, and you can hold your head up again after doing something you are so worried people will judge you for.

I think as LazyDaisy says it makes a lot of people know they are not on their own and the outcome may not be as bad as expected.

Please realise what you have done for a lot of people.

xxx

Thanks, but it's not just me! I was the one in a huge mess, it was you lot who helped me out of it. So I can't really take any credit lol.

I'm going to keep posting, though, so that I can show others in the same situation that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm determined to make the most of this amazing opportunity that I've been given - to live my life on my own terms.

I was living in fear and misery - but ironically, the abuse itself was what made me so scared to break free. I can see clearly now that I'm out of that toxic situation, but it was so hard before. So if I can help others to see a more positive future for themselves, then great.

tayforth

lostinrates wrote: »

Tayforth, sleep training is the rather pompous term for a formal and disciplined approach to all we have been discussing. The overwhelming majority of the time I do not do it, when things are going awry more than the one night a week I expect them too (I often cannot sleep on Thursdays) for no reason other than insomnia (e.g, I cut myself some slack if I am kept a wake by health related pain) I tighten my regime.


When I am on a good run I know the crucial thing for me is waking time staying the same, and early.

I use iPad apps these days for meditation or self hypnosis when needed ( mixed quality out there, nothing I'd particularly recommend, but I only 'buy' free ones). But I also use a lot of visualisation combined with that tech niche f allowing myself just to rest my body if my mind won't go.


Eg...last night.... I knew I was going to find it hard to 'go' last night as had been a bit of a fraught day. So I read till late, But turned off tv/radio at ten. (I find turning off radio hard even now) I let myself read without guilt until I felt 'quiet ended' then I decided to try a new visualisation. I decided to pretend I was on a kilo in a very large, clean lake, just drifting around.

(I used to do boats a lot, on rivers often, but dh tried to help and was talking through a drifting on a boat scenario and then mentioned I was drifting to wards a a waterfall, which he thought sounded lovely whereas i just went from almost comatose to bolt awake and alert thinking my boat was going over the edge of a waterfall, crashing my boat and killing me, Rolf, so I have been giving visualised boats a miss for a few months, . The lilo did a good job last night.

Eek at your boat dream!!!! :rotfl:

Thanks for that, some lovely techniques there, and I'll check out the iPhone meditation apps (I only download free apps too - very MSE lol!) xxx

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

There is a lovely CD called Bedtime Stories by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, which is also downloadable and not expensive. She is a psychologist and shaman, and a very wise woman. Sounds silly, but it makes me feel cared for and safe as I drop off to sleep.

I also recommend 'women who run with the wolves' also by CPE. I like the audio book, although it is an abridged version - the book is also good and more detailed, but sometimes I just want to relax and listen. In Women who run with the Wolves, she looks at how women's lives are shaped through their experiences in today's society using the medium of stories - a bit like parables. There is something for everyone, and again it is downloadable and not expensive.

Those both sound really interesting, I will definitely be checking them out. Thank you, Daisy xx

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

Eek at your boat dream!!!! :rotfl:

Thanks for that, some lovely techniques there, and I'll check out the iPhone meditation apps (I only download free apps too - very MSE lol!) xxx




Those both sound really interesting, I will definitely be checking them out. Thank you, Daisy xx

Did you sort out the issue of your ex contacting you and also him getting a friend to call/text you too?

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

Did you sort out the issue of your ex contacting you and also him getting a friend to call/text you too?

I called the friend and said that my ex shouldn't have put him in that position, and that I would deal with it in due course.

I haven't contacted my ex yet, but I'll have to, I suppose. Even if just to get him off my back.

msb5262

tayforth wrote: »

I called the friend and said that my ex shouldn't have put him in that position, and that I would deal with it in due course.

I haven't contacted my ex yet, but I'll have to, I suppose. Even if just to get him off my back.

Hi tayforth,

Well done for calling the friend.

Just bear in mind that contacting your ex rather than waiting for him to contact you will give YOU the control - you'll be able to prepare yourself mentally and decide what you're going to say. If you make the contact, you can choose the time/method of contact and this may make you feel less anxious.

lostinrates

Tayforth......wish you and your insomnia were here tonight I'm knackered and have to stay up at least another hour. I could sleep right here right now, if only the terrier had left me more than a teeny corner edge of the sofa (he is curled asleep next to me). I'm in my kitchen and the room is full of snoring cats and dogs while I struggle to stay awake.

tayforth

msb5262 wrote: »

Hi tayforth,

Well done for calling the friend.

Just bear in mind that contacting your ex rather than waiting for him to contact you will give YOU the control - you'll be able to prepare yourself mentally and decide what you're going to say. If you make the contact, you can choose the time/method of contact and this may make you feel less anxious.

That's an excellent point, thank you. It'll be via email, purely because he's not trustworthy, and I don't want him to make any trouble or lie about what was said.

lostinrates wrote: »

Tayforth......wish you and your insomnia were here tonight I'm knackered and have to stay up at least another hour. I could sleep right here right now, if only the terrier had left me more than a teeny corner edge of the sofa (he is curled asleep next to me). I'm in my kitchen and the room is full of snoring cats and dogs while I struggle to stay awake.

Aw, why do you have to stay awake? Isn't it ironic that you are struggling to keep your eyes open tonight, rather than lying awake staring at the ceiling. I hope that you don't get a second wind when you do go to bed! xxx

zzzLazyDaisy

Tayforth! Go To Bed!!!!! :cool: