FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

duchy

Alpha58 wrote: »

Glad we agree - friends again? :-) Incidentally - I'm an Asperger's parent as well, so all power to you!

Of course we're friends :beer:

paulineb_2

Its very posssible that you are suffering from stress and anxiety due to whats happened to you. Ive a long history of work related stress which Ive managed to deal with over the years mainly because my GPs arent supportive and they dont help apart from give sick lines (or fit notes).

I went through a tough 2012 due to something that happened to a member of my family which was pretty awful and I was also in a job where my boss was bullying me.

Things came to a head and I ended up in my GPs surgery saying that I really needed support. I suffer from insomnia which gets worse when Im stressed. They gave me an anti depressant which is meant to help sleep patterns.

It worked. I stayed on them 6 months, came off them last week. I also went for counselling through a project in my local area, which was a branch of the employee counselling service. Mainly about the work stuff.

I absolutely appreciate people saying buy decent food and look after yourself, but sometimes if you are suffering from stress you cope way too long and then you have a moment and it could be something really trivial that sets you off really upset.

Re the work issue. If you cannot put on a brave face and its making you feel worse, get to your GP, ask them to sign you off for a week or two and then when you get back you can deal with people and the telling them. Or you can tell a line manager in confidence.

Ive also managed people who have suffered from stress, depression and because of what Ive been through I know how to pretty much spot when people need a bit of extra support.

Im not suggesting you need an anti depressant, nor counselling, but sometimes if you have too much on your plate, something needs to give.

Not all employers have occupational health schemes either, Ive worked for many who dont.

Theres absolutely no shame in taking a week or so off work, in fact it might be the best thing you could do for yourself.

Im doing fine now, it was a blip and I got over it, but I did need some support and Im glad I insisted on it.

tayforth

Just been to pick up my new TV, a friend gave me a lift, so kind of her.

I'm proud that I've ticked it off my list of things to do. I'll have a go at setting it up after I've been to the doctor.

Estateprincess wrote: »

It's no problem and no less than you deserve after what you have gone through.

I had an ex that wasn't making me happy for a long time but I was scared of what would happen if I left, I doubted myself. He was nowhere near as horrible as your ex but he did knock my confidence and it took a long time for me to realise I was worth more than he would commit to. I now have a wonderful man that boosts my confidence almost daily and makes me feel like a princess! With time and healing you will have that too.

x

Thanks so much, and I do hope that I will get through this and come out the other side. Who knows, maybe in time I'll meet someone else :A

paulineb wrote: »

Its very posssible that you are suffering from stress and anxiety due to whats happened to you. Ive a long history of work related stress which Ive managed to deal with over the years mainly because my GPs arent supportive and they dont help apart from give sick lines (or fit notes).

I went through a tough 2012 due to something that happened to a member of my family which was pretty awful and I was also in a job where my boss was bullying me.

Things came to a head and I ended up in my GPs surgery saying that I really needed support. I suffer from insomnia which gets worse when Im stressed. They gave me an anti depressant which is meant to help sleep patterns.

It worked. I stayed on them 6 months, came off them last week. I also went for counselling through a project in my local area, which was a branch of the employee counselling service. Mainly about the work stuff.

I absolutely appreciate people saying buy decent food and look after yourself, but sometimes if you are suffering from stress you cope way too long and then you have a moment and it could be something really trivial that sets you off really upset.

Re the work issue. If you cannot put on a brave face and its making you feel worse, get to your GP, ask them to sign you off for a week or two and then when you get back you can deal with people and the telling them. Or you can tell a line manager in confidence.

Ive also managed people who have suffered from stress, depression and because of what Ive been through I know how to pretty much spot when people need a bit of extra support.

Im not suggesting you need an anti depressant, nor counselling, but sometimes if you have too much on your plate, something needs to give.

Not all employers have occupational health schemes either, Ive worked for many who dont.

Theres absolutely no shame in taking a week or so off work, in fact it might be the best thing you could do for yourself.

Im doing fine now, it was a blip and I got over it, but I did need some support and Im glad I insisted on it.

I'm glad that you're feeling better and stronger after such a hard time, and well done you for asking for support. It's a very hard thing to do.

I was bullied by my ex-manager from 2009-2012, so I know how horrible that is. I actually think that I lacked the mental strength to deal with the abuse at home because of it.

Perhaps I'm suffering from stress, shock, anxiety or all three. I haven't even had time to sit down and think properly about what's happened yet.

I think that I will take some time off. I won't be going back in tomorrow, that's for sure.

xx

zzzLazyDaisy

tayforth wrote: »

Perhaps I'm suffering from stress, shock, anxiety or all three. I haven't even had time to sit down and think properly about what's happened yet.

You are probably are suffering from a reaction to all the recent trauma. It is fairly common with people who come out of abusive relationships - simply because while it is all going on, you adjust to a weird sense of 'normality' around the situation. Then once you get out, the reality of what has been happening hits you, and as you readjust your view of what really is normal, you can be quite shocked at what you see looking back at what happened.

Speak to your doctor, make life as easy for yourself as you can do, and accept whatever support is offered - on and off-line.

tayforth

Just back from the doctor. I went in calm and collected, told him that I had a rash, then he looked me in the eye and asked, "That's not the main reason you're here, is it?" And I started to cry, and didn't stop for about 20 minutes. I'm crying again now just typing that.

I told him what had happened; he said that I had done the right thing, but that it must still be a terrible shock to the system. He's signed me off work for the rest of this week and next, and wants to see me after that to talk again. He says that what I told him is probably only the tip of the iceberg, and that I have had a lot to cope with.

I'm so relieved, just so relieved.

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

You are probably are suffering from a reaction to all the recent trauma. It is fairly common with people who come out of abusive relationships - simply because while it is all going on, you adjust to a weird sense of 'normality' around the situation. Then once you get out, the reality of what has been happening hits you, and as you readjust your view of what really is normal, you can be quite shocked at what you see looking back at what happened.

Speak to your doctor, make life as easy for yourself as you can do, and accept whatever support is offered - on and off-line.

You're right. I feel as if I should be fine. After all, he's gone, isn't he? But yes, the trauma seems to be hitting me now xx

I've been to the supermarket and bought some food, so that should keep me going for a few days.

busiscoming2

tayforth wrote: »

Just back from the doctor. I went in calm and collected, told him that I had a rash, then he looked me in the eye and asked, "That's not the main reason you're here, is it?" And I started to cry, and didn't stop for about 20 minutes. I'm crying again now just typing that.

I told him what had happened; he said that I had done the right thing, but that it must still be a terrible shock to the system. He's signed me off work for the rest of this week and next, and wants to see me after that to talk again. He says that what I told him is probably only the tip of the iceberg, and that I have had a lot to cope with.

I'm so relieved, just so relieved.





You're right. I feel as if I should be fine. After all, he's gone, isn't he? But yes, the trauma seems to be hitting me now xx

I've been to the supermarket and bought some food, so that should keep me going for a few days.

Glad your GP has signed you off and I have to say what a fab GP you seem to have .

Now you can take the next few days just resting and getting used to all things new.

Perryl_2

Tayforth, sounds like you have such a lovely GP. I'm glad he has signed you off too. One less pressure for you to help you personally adjust and cope. Just spend as much time as you can on you this week. Even if its having naps, snacking on popcorn or just a bath.

I can only begin to imagine the relief you must have felt on being able to let that out to the GP, and for him to take such care of you. You brought tears to my eyes. You have been so amazing, so strong. You will have a few ups and downs emotionally as it all sinks in, doesn't change how amazing and lovely you are.

You definitely deserve a nice treat after all this, Spirit's idea of a spa day is a good suggestion. Maybe even just a really nice treatment or massage, something just for you.

Take care of yourself. *hugs*

zzzLazyDaisy

tayforth wrote: »

You're right. I feel as if I should be fine. After all, he's gone, isn't he? But yes, the trauma seems to be hitting me now xx

There is NO 'should'.

If you knew someone who had been through an awful personal trauma - the sudden death of a relative, or caring for a relative through a serious illness....

.... or some form of abusive relationship.....

would you say 'It's finished now, what's the problem'?

Of course not, you would tell them that it is normal for the shock and reaction to hit once the pressure is off.

GPs don't just sign people off willy-nilly! The fact that he has done tells you that you need to accept what has happened has knocked you for six - and that is normal.

xxx

tayforth

busiscoming2 wrote: »

Glad your GP has signed you off and I have to say what a fab GP you seem to have .

Now you can take the next few days just resting and getting used to all things new.

Thank you. The practice is huge and it's just random who you see each time, but he is very kind. I had mentioned to him in March that I wasn't very happy, and he remembered that.

Perryl wrote: »

Tayforth, sounds like you have such a lovely GP. I'm glad he has signed you off too. One less pressure for you to help you personally adjust and cope. Just spend as much time as you can on you this week. Even if its having naps, snacking on popcorn or just a bath.

I can only begin to imagine the relief you must have felt on being able to let that out to the GP, and for him to take such care of you. You brought tears to my eyes. You have been so amazing, so strong. You will have a few ups and downs emotionally as it all sinks in, doesn't change how amazing and lovely you are.

You definitely deserve a nice treat after all this, Spirit's idea of a spa day is a good suggestion. Maybe even just a really nice treatment or massage, something just for you.

Take care of yourself. *hugs*

Thanks for the kind words, Perryl. Just knowing that I don't have to face work is such a relief, and I will take it easy, I promise xxx

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

There is NO 'should'.

If you knew someone who had been through an awful personal trauma - the sudden death of a relative, or caring for a relative through a serious illness....

.... or some form of abusive relationship.....

would you say 'It's finished now, what's the problem'?

Of course not, you would tell them that it is normal for the shock and reaction to hit once the pressure is off.

GPs don't just sign people off willy-nilly! The fact that he has done tells you that you need to accept what has happened has knocked you for six - and that is normal.

xxx

That's true. My dad died suddenly a few years ago and it hit me very hard. I still miss him so much, and wish he that were around right now.

Thanks for the pep talk, it's much appreciated :A xxxx

tayforth

Oh b.ugger. I need an aerial lead for the TV. The ex took it with him.

Never mind. I'll get one tomorrow. I can watch DVDs this evening.