Domestic abuse

System

Hit a woman once and she will never trust your anger ever again and your temper will scare her for the rest of the time she is with you.

Glad your getting help but be a man and move out.

davsidipp

Person_one wrote: »

I understood! I don't think Jojo's post was harsh at all.

The OP has grabbed his girlfriend by the throat, given her a black eye, and then refused to leave her home. How dare he come on here acting contrite and wanting our sympathy?

I can well believe he's a violent abuser, the way he is ignoring the wishes of a scared and injured person he claims to cares about because moving would be inconvenient for him betrays his real character.

he did say,in post 4,that he wanted no sympathy,and to be fair
his not getting any,but we must agree he needs some sort of help,to stop his anger,which clearly is out of control.i dont think his acting contrite neither,it takes a big man to admit what his done,but i do feel he needs to move out and move on.

debitcardmayhem

debitcardmayhem wrote: »

My opinion, which of course counts for nothing, get your self off of forums looking for amateur advice, go get some professional advice, and don't post again, until you have got some, and say you are dealing with it, and hopefully that you are both coming to terms with it.

As I said , my opinion counts for diddly squat, but of course threads like this do bring out the amateur psychologists and the troll baiters, move on folks you have nothing to see here.....

Funky_Bold_Ribena

debitcardmayhem wrote: »

As I said , my opinion counts for diddly squat, but of course threads like this do bring out the amateur psychologists and the troll baiters, move on folks you have nothing to see here.....

Surely, trying to analyse the responders in here makes you an amateur psychologist...and trying to be controversial by calling people troll baiters, makes you a...troll baiter?

duckeggblue

debitcardmayhem wrote: »

As I said , my opinion counts for diddly squat, but of course threads like this do bring out the amateur psychologists and the troll baiters, move on folks you have nothing to see here.....

It will also bring out people who have endured domestic violence,or domestic abuse,or are still enduring it, (me)

As one of those I would like to ask the OP are they aware of the devastating effects of mental abuse, which can be as bad or worse than some physical abuse.

You may "know" you hit her, you touch on the fact you grabbed her round the neck(strangled?) but are you aware that its entirely possible that your manipulation and control of her is also what makes her feel unsafe.If you haven't respected her wishes and feelings why should she believe your words?Words are cheap. It's actions that count.
You talk about a problem with anger, so it's possible you are controlling her, mentally and please remember-she doesn't make you angry-you've got the problem.
I believe there is a programme for abusive men called the respect course

If you want her back move out and show her you respect her wishes.

scarlet55

bookemdano wrote: »

I'm ashamed too say that last week I grabbed my girlfriend around the neck and then lashed out causing her a black eye, I'm disgusted with myself. I have never hit her before but I have pushed her a few times.
We both work long hours and don't get enough quality time together which was always an issue with me.
I realise I have done wrong and I am going to see my doctor tomorrow to seek advice regarding my anger. I have been angry for so long and I don't know why.
Now I have lost her and she wants me to move out of our home although I can't as I have nowhere nearby to live and I run my business in the local area.
I love her to pieces believe it or not and I have never loved anyone like her before.
I'd like advice on how I can manage my anger to become a better person and hopefully win back the love of my life.
Thankyou for reading.

They both equate to the same thing, physical abuse!
I don't understand why you can't move out..you say you work hard and run your own business? I'm sure you have enough to rent somewhere else? and why can't you move out of the area where you work? other people travel to where they work, why can't you?
You seem to have an excuse for everything, just leave and let this poor girl live without the fear of you doing it again!

ipod_killed_the_musicshop

I can't be bothered multi-quoting different quotes. I've seen pushing and shoving mentioned, which can be a 2 way street. As I said to the OP, he needs to get out to stop this happening. There have been times when I've tried to leave the room or even the house for a bit when things have become heated. Some of those times, she has stood in the way of the door, grabbed my wrists, my hands, etc. She appears reserved if you're not family, but both myself and her parents could testify at how she can fly off the handle. To me, she's the scariest person in the world. As for mental abuse, it can be hard to gauge and it can be 2 way. I've suffered it very badly, although I've heard of it happening far worse to a woman (one of her ex bosses) and I do accept that when combined with physical violence and/or the threat of it, it can be terrible. Sorry about the lack of paragraphs but I'm on the computer without a proper mouse, so it's hard enough to do a long post as it is.

Taadaa

It never ceases to amaze me that people who get annoyed because they can't be with someone act in such a way as to ensure the other party never wants to spend time with them at all.

The bottom line is, you crossed it. You did it before with the pushing and it has escalated. You will do it again. Sorry, but you will. Maybe not in a new relationship, after counseling, but now that line has been crossed with her it will be too easy to cross it again the next time you get frustrated over something.

You have to go elsewhere until you can find somewhere else permanent. Dint sit here saying you will lose your material possessions when you have taken from her something it will take her years to get back, if ever - trust in men and feeling safe in her own home.

pixie76

I was married to man who blacked my eye & was violent with me sporadically. I stayed with him but never ever felt comfortable or at ease with him if he was in a bad mood or if we argued. I foolishly stuck around for many years....

I have been fortunate enough to meet a man who is placid & gentle, he has days where he is not in a great mood but he never takes it out on me & I feel at ease knowing he will not raise his hands to me. We have had stress & have had troubles thrown our way, but we stand side by side as a team.

You really do need to find somewhere else to stay & give her space. I feel for her as when I was hit for days I was emotional , upset & tearful that someone I loved so much could be so cruel.

Whatever happens or who you are with I really hope you do not repeat this, life is tough & stressful sometimes but never inflict violence on someone you love. Do you want any future relationship to be where the person is nervous & uncomfortable? Plus if children come into the equation in your life would you want the Mother of your children & your children living in fear of you losing your temper.

duckeggblue

ipod_killed_the_musicshop wrote: »

I can't be bothered multi-quoting different quotes. I've seen pushing and shoving mentioned, which can be a 2 way street. As I said to the OP, he needs to get out to stop this happening. There have been times when I've tried to leave the room or even the house for a bit when things have become heated. Some of those times, she has stood in the way of the door, grabbed my wrists, my hands, etc. She appears reserved if you're not family, but both myself and her parents could testify at how she can fly off the handle. To me, she's the scariest person in the world. As for mental abuse, it can be hard to gauge and it can be 2 way. I've suffered it very badly, although I've heard of it happening far worse to a woman (one of her ex bosses) and I do accept that when combined with physical violence and/or the threat of it, it can be terrible. Sorry about the lack of paragraphs but I'm on the computer without a proper mouse, so it's hard enough to do a long post as it is.

I have to disagree strongly with some of the things you have said.
Mental abuse is not hard to gauge. And as for being two way, this is something abusers say.

It doesn't have to be combined with physical violence to be terrible, mental abuse and control can be truly terrible on its own.