Domestic abuse

bookemdano

I'm ashamed too say that last week I grabbed my girlfriend around the neck and then lashed out causing her a black eye, I'm disgusted with myself. I have never hit her before but I have pushed her a few times.
We both work long hours and don't get enough quality time together which was always an issue with me.
I realise I have done wrong and I am going to see my doctor tomorrow to seek advice regarding my anger. I have been angry for so long and I don't know why.
Now I have lost her and she wants me to move out of our home although I can't as I have nowhere nearby to live and I run my business in the local area.
I love her to pieces believe it or not and I have never loved anyone like her before.
I'd like advice on how I can manage my anger to become a better person and hopefully win back the love of my life.
Thankyou for reading.

SailorSam

I suppose it's a good thing that you can hold your hands up and admit to be out of order but i suspect that you're not going to get a lot of sympathy here. I've done voluntary work in the past and seen this from the womans side and i think you'll wait a long time for Counselling unless you go private and pay for it. I think maybe if you were to Google anger management and try and find a group in your area with other men.

Angry_Bear

If you love her then you must move out of your house. Maybe after you have been seeing your doctor and having some treatment for a while you can find a way to move on together (if you are very lucky). But please understand that at the moment she is probably living every day of her life in fear - that's not fair on her.

bookemdano

SailorSam wrote: »

I suppose it's a good thing that you can hold your hands up and admit to be out of order but i suspect that you're not going to get a lot of sympathy here. I've done voluntary work in the past and seen this from the womans side and i think you'll wait a long time for Counselling unless you go private and pay for it. I think maybe if you were to Google anger management and try and find a group in your area with other men.

Thankyou for you reply. I'm honestly not looking for sympathy, I know I don't deserve it.
I recognise I need help.

bookemdano

Angry_Bear wrote: »

If you love her then you must move out of your house. Maybe after you have been seeing your doctor and having some treatment for a while you can find a way to move on together (if you are very lucky). But please understand that at the moment she is probably living every day of her life in fear - that's not fair on her.

Your spot on, she said she is living in fear, I have tried to tell her that I would never do this again because the stress and upset that this has caused to everyone concerned is unbearable.
Sadly I don't have the finances to move out at the moment otherwise I would consider it.

SailorSam

I was just looking at your previous posts, is this still the same girlfriend from April 2011 has this been going on that long or did you have similar problems with others.

VfM4meplse

bookemdano wrote: »

We both work long hours and don't get enough quality time together which was always an issue with me.

I'd be interested in your definition of quality time. I can understand why your gf doesn't want to spend any time with you, she must be scared stiff.

Don't expect to win her back, if you really love her just let her go. And don't kid yourself that things will be different, because it is going to be nearly impossible to truly change.

michelle2008

You are a bully. You physically harmed your girlfriend and now you are intimidating her and refusing to leave your home. To be frank I don't care about your finances you need to man up, move out and let this poor woman rebuild her life.

pink_princess

bookemdano wrote: »

Your spot on, she said she is living in fear, I have tried to tell her that I would never do this again because the stress and upset that this has caused to everyone concerned is unbearable.
Sadly I don't have the finances to move out at the moment otherwise I would consider it.

Can you not stay in your van or work place?

She should not have to be in fear in her own home

Think how you would feel if you were attacked in that way?

**professor~yaffle**

bookemdano wrote: »

I'm ashamed too say that last week I grabbed my girlfriend around the neck and then lashed out causing her a black eye, I'm disgusted with myself. I have never hit her before but I have pushed her a few times.
We both work long hours and don't get enough quality time together which was always an issue with me.
I realise I have done wrong and I am going to see my doctor tomorrow to seek advice regarding my anger. I have been angry for so long and I don't know why.
Now I have lost her and she wants me to move out of our home although I can't as I have nowhere nearby to live and I run my business in the local area.
I love her to pieces believe it or not and I have never loved anyone like her before.
I'd like advice on how I can manage my anger to become a better person and hopefully win back the love of my life.
Thankyou for reading.

I don't know if it's going to be your cup of tea but I can recommend this:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Anger-Buddhist-Wisdom-Cooling-Flames/dp/1856866467/ref=tmm_abk_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1364926113&sr=8-10

You don't have to be a Buddhist or anything like that. It's just advice for anyone who wants to learn to, as he puts it, 'take care of your anger'. It's available in paperback, but I found the audio version good.

Angry_Bear

bookemdano wrote: »

Your spot on, she said she is living in fear, I have tried to tell her that I would never do this again because the stress and upset that this has caused to everyone concerned is unbearable.
Sadly I don't have the finances to move out at the moment otherwise I would consider it.

Sorry, but as far as I'm concerned that's just not good enough.
That says to me "I don't actually care enough to accept that doing this horrendous thing means I might have to make some hard choices to put things right".

I apologise if this is a bit harsh, but it sounds like you're happy to make excuses for yourself and that makes me pessimistic about your chances of really changing. Your doctor can't wave a magic wand - you would have to do the work, and I don't get the impression that you're ready to face up to that (yet).

I hope that either you or your girlfriend has the sense to make the hard step and move out, or I fear that in 30 years you'll find yourselves this bitter old couple who hate each other and just wish they'd called it quits before they wasted their lives.