Domestic abuse

Funky_Bold_Ribena

bookemdano wrote: »

Your spot on, she said she is living in fear, I have tried to tell her that I would never do this again because the stress and upset that this has caused to everyone concerned is unbearable.
Sadly I don't have the finances to move out at the moment otherwise I would consider it.

When I was the victim of DV - and my partner at the time called mummy when I told him he had to leave - and they stood by him [I don't think they understood exactly what had gone on] and I ended up sleeping in the car. So don't come the 'sadly I can't afford it' with me. You have options and you are a bully and a coward if 'sadly you can't afford to leave'.

If I can move out at a moment's notice, and many women DO move out with nowhere to go and no money - because they are petrified of what their partner will do - then you can.

And puhleese don't do the 'it would be better if I was dead' line. Take responsibility for your actions - it doesn't wash. It really doesn't.

bookemdano

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

You think THAT was harsh?


That was me being plainspeaking but very measured.

Sorry not you.

ipod_killed_the_musicshop

If she wants you to leave I'd leave. For whatever reason, the relationship led to this happening. Take the relationship out of the equation and bingo, it doesn't happen again.

davsidipp

bookemdano,reading through the posts,its down to you now to make the change,i agree with some you should move out,or if i was your girlfriend,i would have been on my toes.getting help for your anger is a must,for yourself and anyone you have a relationship with.maybe then you can look back,and realise thats not how relationships should be.getting your girlfriend back may not happen,but if it does,i hope you get yourself sorted out by then.

Just_a_Girl_2

You have betrayed her in the worst possible way. No woman should ever have to live in fear of being "pushed and shoved" and especially not grabbed and hit hard enough to get a black eye.

The least you can do is respect her wishes and move out. Where to is not her problem - your main concern should be ensuring she feels safe. I'm sure you have friends, you even say you have your own business - can you not sleep at your business property or in your business vehicle?

nickyhutch

Just_a_Girl wrote: »

You have betrayed her in the worst possible way. No [STRIKE]woman [/STRIKE] person should ever have to live in fear of being "pushed and shoved" and especially not grabbed and hit hard enough to get a black eye.

The least you can do is respect her wishes and move out. Where to is not her problem - your main concern should be ensuring she feels safe. I'm sure you have friends, you even say you have your own business - can you not sleep at your business property or in your business vehicle?

Men shouldn;t have to fear DV, either.

meritaten

I think OP is genuine - he has taken the abuse dished out to him. he knows what he did was wrong and is asking for help. he is at least self aware that his own actions are causing the situation. most abusers blame the victim - he hasn't done that.
So I would advise him to go to his GP and ask for help. Whether that is anger management or Stress management or counselling.
in the meantime I agree he must move out - for his own sanity tbh. it isn't going to do anything for his stress levels to live with a person who fears him and wants him gone.
Perhaps some time on his own will help him - as he needs to get his act together.

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

Unnecessarily harsh.

Really? I think giving your girlfriend a black eye is pretty darn 'harsh'. If this is for real he needs to get out, yesterday.

Valli

FWIW if the OP has done it just the once (and I see no reason to disbelieve him) then I think his admitting to it and asking for help is a hugely positive step.

However, I also think, with hindsight, he could have seen this coming - it's built up over a few weeks/months and they were both stressed, it would appear.

But she has asked you to move out. That's what I think you must do, somehow. Maybe she will start to trust you again and you can rebuld your relationship; maybe she won't.

Sorry to appear so harsh but she probably feels like she's treading on eggshells; like any little thing she says might make you blow again.

It's a wretched life when you feel constantly at risk, that you've to always be on your best bahaviour.

But at least you haven't fallen into the trap of blaming her - apparently that's common.

But I've been where she is, Dano. And then further down that road. At least, with you out of the house she knows she won't be going where I went.

Good luck with it all.

Valli

Person_one wrote: »

Really? I think giving your girlfriend a black eye is pretty darn 'harsh'. If this is for real he needs to get out, yesterday.

I read it that Nicki was commenting on another poster's post, 'unecessarily harsh' was not aimed at the OP.