Domestic abuse

bookemdano

We have both worked hard for what we have in our house. I know it's not her fault but I want to show her that I am getting the help to sort this once and for all.
As I mentioned earlier, if I could move I would. It's easy to say move out but without the finances I can't.
I am coming into some money soon so I can move out then.

Anselm

VfM4meplse wrote: »

OP, I'd advise deleting this thread after taking note of professor yaffle's advice as it's only ever going to be more of the same....

Agreed, I think it should be deleted, no one is going to be objective are they.

pink_princess

verysillyguy06 wrote: »

Without sounding at all as I would condole any part of your action there are a few important points:

Whatever we are going to say on here, it really only matters to yourself and your GF.

I am certainly not saying that she should take you back, if she would be my daughter you and me would have 'words'.....

But it really is the starting point: If she is too frightened to chuck you out, shame on you but if she wants to try again you both need to consider counselling together and separate as she is likely to be in a turmoil as well. She should report you too...sorry but are you really sure you got the message?

Anger management does not always work especially if you are still 'at home' I am not sure it is safe for you both but mainly not her if the programme creates higher emotion, how would you cope with it?


Sorry, but main sympathy is with the victim and takes a special humanist to be concerned about the aggressor....

Not sure if this helps....talk to your GP

VSG, I don't know how you can be so reasoned after the OP's posts.

You have made me question mine and I shall delete

bookemdano

verysillyguy06 wrote: »

Without sounding at all as I would condole any part of your action there are a few important points:

Whatever we are going to say on here, it really only matters to yourself and your GF.

I am certainly not saying that she should take you back, if she would be my daughter you and me would have 'words'.....

But it really is the starting point: If she is too frightened to chuck you out, shame on you but if she wants to try again you both need to consider counselling together and separate as she is likely to be in a turmoil as well. She should report you too...sorry but are you really sure you got the message?

Anger management does not always work especially if you are still 'at home' I am not sure it is safe for you both but mainly not her if the programme creates higher emotion, how would you cope with it?




Sorry, but main sympathy is with the victim and takes a special humanist to be concerned about the aggressor....

Not sure if this helps....talk to your GP

I dont want sympathy.
I don't know why I did it and that's why I want to seek help and stop this behaviour.
I don't really know what to expect from anger management so that's why I'm asking for help from you guys.
I'm not proud of myself, I don't get satisfaction from getting angry.
I feel at the moment that an overdose of pills would be the best solution for everyone because I have let everyone down and caused so much upset.

puddy

Im not sure if this is a real query as I dont really know why someone would put this on a forum, let alone the 'moneysaving arms' section of a forum but maybe you dont have anyone else to go to for advice, fair enough if this is the case

I have worked with lots of DV and abusive relationship cases and change is possible. The perpetrator has to want the change and lots of healing has to take place for the victim for them to be able to feel safe even when change really has taken place.

DV and abusive relationships are not just between couples of course, they can also be between parents and children, more often than not we would support that parent and child continuing to be in a relationship as long as its safe, can the child change their behaviour, can the parent feel safe around them? Im talking of course about relationships where children attack their parents and we all know about cases where parents attack their children.

Change can happen but you need a lot of support. I understand (as I tried to refer for a YP of mine) that relate wont work with relationships where there is DV, so if you want counselling you will need to find a specific resource and this may cost money. I also recommend moving out as soon as possible, the pair of you may need to give notice on the rented property and move into independent accommodation, a bedsit should be affordable if you have been paying rent and bills so far. Your partner needs to feel safe whilst the pair of you work at the relationship and you need distance to consider how you respond to stress and pressure, why you resort to physical means.

verysillyguy06

pink_princess wrote: »

VSG, I don't know how you can be so reasoned after the OP's posts.

You have made me question mine and I shall delete

No need, whatever we can say, it cannot be worse that someone first realising that he has hurt someone he loves and is now facing the prospect of having lost that person.

Yes, he needs to hear all the other stuff but he got this from other posters and as I said, if it would be my daughter, I doubt you would call me reasoned.......

bookemdano

This is a genuine post. I knew I would harsh words but I honestly want advice on how to help myself stop this.
Your advice is appreciated. Thank you.

verysillyguy06

bookemdano wrote: »

I dont want sympathy.
I don't know why I did it and that's why I want to seek help and stop this behaviour.
I don't really know what to expect from anger management so that's why I'm asking for help from you guys.
I'm not proud of myself, I don't get satisfaction from getting angry.
I feel at the moment that an overdose of pills would be the best solution for everyone because I have let everyone down and caused so much upset.

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you

pink_princess

I guess that you need to start with your self.

List what you like and dislike about your life and yourself. Then set out to work on them one by one.

It won't be easy or quick but it will make for a more positive future.

puddy

bookemdano wrote: »

This is a genuine post. I knew I would harsh words but I honestly want advice on how to help myself stop this.
Your advice is appreciated. Thank you.

most of us who work in this area realise that there is a lack of support for the perpetrators who do want to change and need help. i am having this problem for a couple of my clients. our instinct is to demonise you and to advise her to leave you and never see you again, however I agree with VSG and this is her choice but she needs to make safe choices.

I would also not be giving this advice if this was my step daughter, I woujld want her to leave and never give you the time of day again, I would be having to hold back my OH

If you are genuine then I hope you find someway to get help