The When, Why, What and How of Marriage

Torry_Quine

bitemebankers wrote: »

For most people, the legal part is the important bit. Half of all marriage split, and plenty more survive though infidelity and various other transgressions so it's fair to say, as a whole population, we don't take the vows part all that seriously.

And, fundamentally of course, the sky isn't going to fall in if people don't keep their vows, in spite of what some religious fanatics might claim.

The legal bit really matters though, both for giving rights and protections to couples way beyond what they'd get by simply living together, and in making any split financially fairer and helping to protect the welfare of any children.

I would disagree that for most people the legal part is the important bit. It's not something I think about on a day-to-day basis whereas the vows have much more meaning to me.

Once a marriage sadly breaks down then yes the legalities are important to ensure everyone gets a fair outcome.

catkins

I got married 5 months after meeting OH. We both knew we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives. We had both previously lived with someone and didn't want to do that again. We wanted to make a commitment to each other.

We both believe very strongly in marriage and the vows we took. We have been married almost 35 years. Neither of us believe in divorce although if our marriage had not worked out we would have split up but not got divorced. We both believe in only 1 marriage which is for eternity.

I wanted to have the same surname as OH. It didn't matter if it was his surname or mine (he was quite willing to change his surname to mine) as long as we had the same surname.

CharlieRabbit01

angelil wrote: »

Again, contrary to popular belief, you don't have to! (relatives)


Another reason I would have for getting married would be to attain the 'next of kin' status that, IIRC, you only get through marriage (there is no such thing as a 'common law' partner or marriage).


.

As with many people family is complicated and its easy to say its your day do what you want but its not as easy to actually do that.

It was my understanding that a next of kin could not make decisions regarding medical care and I have also expressed my wishes regarding this anyway.

System

Saturnalia wrote: »

Yep, my thoughts too!


On another aspect, what is it with couples who have been living together donkey's years, kids, mortgage the lot, all-but-married, then they decide to make it official and then within a year or two they have split up?!? They say "marry in haste, repent at leisure" but it seems to be the opposite is true. Couples that marry within a couple of years of meeting seem to be the ones that last. I'd have thought the longer you had to think about what you were getting into, the more chance you would have of a long-lasting marriage, but that really doesn't seem to be the case.

Have to agree, my dad and 1st step mum were together 10 years, then got married and divorced after a year

I don't think i'm in the right place in life to consider getting married yet (though in 100% honestly...if my bf hypothetically asked me i would say yes..which i couldn't say about my ex despite being with him 3 1/2 years), but it is something i want in the future. To me its something i only want to do once in my life as i really do want to promise to be with them for life and mean it. I'm also a bit traditional in the sense i want to be married before i have kids. I never really dreamed of marraige as a little girl, as my parents had a pretty bitter divorce, but as i've gotten older its something which has become more important to me.

VK-2008

When to get married?
when the`time is right, me and dh knew from day 1 we were to be wed, just kind of feeling we had. we got engaged after 2 and half years and married after 5

Why get married?
love, we love each other so it was a natural step for us to take we were in a position where we could afford to have a beautiful wedding and celebrate with friends and family what our relationship means to us

What is marriage?
marriage is two people making a commitment to each other, to spend the rest of their lives together, the good and bad.

how does marriage change you, your life and relationship?
i changed my name, we joined our finances, our relationship has the understanding that we plan to be with each other until we die, it deepend our relationship, it encouraged our trust in each other, it made us click

ellay864

I had a church wedding at the age of 25 having been together for 4 years (living together most of that). For me it was making a commitment and we wanted a family, which I didn't want to do outside of marraige; it was all quite traditional, this was back in 1989. Sadly when our boys were 7 and 5 he left me for somebody else and the marriage ended.
I met DH 9 years ago, we were both divorced with kids and he in particular was very wary of marrying again. But after 5 years of being (but not living) together he proposed and then moved in. We married 2 years after that in a zoo in a beautifully personal, fun, gorgeous ceremony. Totally agree with TorryQuines view - for us the legal thing was one aspect but the vows were the important bit. We wrote our own and saying them, making that declaration of love and commitment in front of close family and friends was the most special day of my life (after sons being born obviously!).
It may sound daft but I really believed in marriage and felt that if I had married the ex who turned out to be such a !!!!!! then why should I not marry 'properly' to my gorgeous hubby. I don't feel a second marraige is second best. We've both learnt a lot from our failed relationships and feel we both have a chance of lasting happiness and commitment that we obviously weren't destined for last time

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I would disagree that for most people the legal part is the important bit. It's not something I think about on a day-to-day basis whereas the vows have much more meaning to me. .

VK-2008

i think some people rush into marriage without knowing their partner (im not saying people who are together a short time before marriage wont last or vice versa) i mean deciding to get married for the sake of marrying is wrong

i dont get why some people marry over and over again
im kind of traditional in that you should (fingers crossed) only do it once but when you are on your third or fourth marriage you start to ask questions as too ohhhh how long will this one last
second marriage i can kind of understand anymore i kind of think someone likes white dresses and wedding cake