The When, Why, What and How of Marriage

Torry_Quine

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

When to get married?
When you need the legal protections it gives you.

Why get married?
Because you need the legal protections it gives you.

What is marriage?
A legal document that proves you're entitled to the legal protections that marriage gives you.

How does marriage change you, your life and relationship?
I've never married but I can't see how anything would change.

I'm not much of a romantic as you can see, I prefer to look at the practical side of things. As far as I'm concerned my boyfriend and I are as good as married because we want to spend the rest of our lives together so I don't see the point of a wedding. I'm not interested in the aspects of a wedding that women seem to get excited about, like dresses or having my hair done or whatever, and we are already doing the marriage bit, the sharing our lives bit. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

It saddens me when people talk of marriage as 'just a legal document'. To many people it's so much more, not least making vows in front of the people you love and then living them out. I'm not saying you can't be commited to someone without marriage by the way.

TeamLowe

Saturnalia wrote: »

Yep, my thoughts too!


On another aspect, what is it with couples who have been living together donkey's years, kids, mortgage the lot, all-but-married, then they decide to make it official and then within a year or two they have split up?!? They say "marry in haste, repent at leisure" but it seems to be the opposite is true. Couples that marry within a couple of years of meeting seem to be the ones that last. I'd have thought the longer you had to think about what you were getting into, the more chance you would have of a long-lasting marriage, but that really doesn't seem to be the case.

Read an article a long time ago on offbeat bride about that conundrum and it was suggested that either relationships have a certain running life, so say whether you marry after one or eighteen years, the relationship would end after twenty or the marriage was an attempt to save a failing relationship, sort of like a band aid baby but a big dress and cake instead x

MadDogWoman_2

When to get married?

I got married at 22, been with my husband since 18, living together since I was 20.

Why get married? I knew he was the one for me and I wanted the world to know.

What is marriage?
Commitment, someone to share the good with the bad.

How does marriage change you, your life and relationship?
We had major trials very shortly after we married and for the next 8 years, I've often said if it wasn't for the commitment we'd made to each other in the eyes of God it would have been easier to walk away instead of pulling together to achieve our dream.

angelil

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

I don't really see the point in getting married that and the fact since I don't have a lot of spare money there are other things I'd rather spend it on.

Contrary to popular belief, marriage does not have to be expensive.

I also don't want to change my name I am the last person in my family to have my name (everyone else has either died or married). So my name is important to me but also I don't think I could get married and just keep my name which I know you can do.

A rose by any other name...etc

I have absolutely no desire to get what remains of my family together with my partners family. It may sound bad but my family embarrass me.

Again, contrary to popular belief, you don't have to!


Another reason I would have for getting married would be to attain the 'next of kin' status that, IIRC, you only get through marriage (there is no such thing as a 'common law' partner or marriage).

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

I too have been subject to criticism for my views, I just don't feel the need to get married but I've heard people saying married life is hard and makes you stronger etc etc but I feel contented, secure and happy without it.

For me having a baby is a bigger commitment.

Interesting - I've never even once felt that my relationship is "hard", let alone marriage. I think that people who say marriage is hard are only keeping their relationship together for the sake of it...

Saturnalia wrote: »

I dunno, what do you do if you want to sign a legal contract with your other half but don't want a public show of it?

Just do it I don't personally think a wedding is necessarily about a 'public' declaration. Lots of people have very small weddings (as I did - we had a grand total of 9 guests) and I don't think it makes your wedding/marriage any worse off.

CharlieRabbit01

lostinrates wrote: »

But perhaps that is more about your feelings toward marriage and priority?

Six years, very roughly, ( I am no mathematician) is over eight percent of a ( biblical) three score and ten life span. Rounding up that's ten percent of a lifetime ( which includes childhood) . For me I wouldn't be in a relationship that long if I didn't think it was forever, and forever for me includes, in the ideal scenario...but not all...marriage. If marriage is not important it can still mean forever, and be as important a relationship. It's not a value judgement on relationship but rather a personal judgement on the value of marriage.

Interesting way of putting it.

I agree marriage is just not a priority for me, but it doesn't mean I am not committed to my partner.

Daisy70

Deleted - posted in error

Saturnalia

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It saddens me when people talk of marriage as 'just a legal document'. To many people it's so much more, not least making vows in front of the people you love and then living them out. I'm not saying you can't be commited to someone without marriage by the way.

But that is exactly what the legal definition of marriage is. Without that document, no marriage. That applies to couples who have a non-Christian religious ceremony, a Humanist handfasting, Pagan rites - they also have to see the registrar and sign their names, otherwise it is not recognised as a marriage in British Law. Vows in front of those you love are all very sweet, but legally they mean bob all.

Torry_Quine

Saturnalia wrote: »

But that is exactly what the legal definition of marriage is. Without that document, no marriage. That applies to couples who have a non-Christian religious ceremony, a Humanist handfasting, Pagan rites - they also have to see the registrar and sign their names, otherwise it is not recognised as a marriage in British Law. Vows in front of those you love are all very sweet, but legally they mean bob all.

Marriage isn't just a legal entity though, that is just a part of it. To me and I suspect many others the vows in front of family, friends and in our case God is more meaningful than the legal aspect.

lostinrates

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Marriage isn't just a legal entity though, that is just a part of it. To me and I suspect many others the vows in front of family, friends and in our case God is more meaningful than the legal aspect.

What marriage is to us personally will vary. It is to every one, indisputably the legal agreement.

Dh and I got married in front of each other. God may well have been there, we would have welcomed him/ her/ it/ them even if we didn't send an invite:). Family and friends were not invited, apart from our witnesses, chosen on the basis of practicality out of our friendship circle.

bitemebankers

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Marriage isn't just a legal entity though, that is just a part of it.

For most people, the legal part is the important bit. Half of all marriage split, and plenty more survive though infidelity and various other transgressions so it's fair to say, as a whole population, we don't take the vows part all that seriously.

And, fundamentally of course, the sky isn't going to fall in if people don't keep their vows, in spite of what some religious fanatics might claim.

The legal bit really matters though, both for giving rights and protections to couples way beyond what they'd get by simply living together, and in making any split financially fairer and helping to protect the welfare of any children.