The When, Why, What and How of Marriage

Georgiegirl256

sjc3 wrote: »

You are a joke, a total joke. No one on here likes or respects you, why dont you stay away from this forum. You are not capable of helping others and have nothing to say that anyone values.

Idiot....you're the absolute joke, did you just decide to pick on someone at random?

marisco_2

londonlydia wrote: »

In my opinion there is one main reason for increasing divorce rates, too many people want a wedding... regardless of whether or not they want the marriage.

I agree with you. Getting married is not about the day itself. Its not about the church, reception, cake, what dress you wear, how many bridesmaids you have etc. What counts is how you feel about each other and whether or not you know deep down that this commitment you are about to make is really for life. I'm not overly convinced that everyone who enters into marriage thinks about that.

marisco_2

MrsDrink wrote: »

When to get married/Why get married?
As I was growing up I was strong and independent and declared to the world I never wanted to get married. I met MrD, and we bought a house together. We got that 'piece of paper' so we didn't need a marriage certificate to prove we loved each other and were committed. But. Something in me changed. I wanted to be a proper part of his family, and him, mine. I wanted the world to know I was his wife. We actually married 13 years to the day after we first met (aged 33 and 32).

What is marriage? How does marriage change you, your life and relationship?
I would argue given that we've been together for 13 years before we got married that it hasn't changed us, but it has. Very subtly. I feel even more confident (smug) that we are a force to be reckoned with. That he has my back should I ever need it in every dimension. I guess in a way it has made me feel even more strong and independent.

That is such a lovely post. Really heartwarming.

angelil

Great thread idea! Can't wait to read through all the responses

When to get married?
We waited quite a long time: we got together in early 2005, moved in together in late 2008, got engaged in mid-2009, and married in early 2011. I agree with those who think it's a good idea to live together for a while first. Interestingly, though, I remember having a conversation with a friend a few months into this relationship about marriage and I said I would say yes if he asked me. She'd been with her boyfriend a couple of years and she wrinkled her nose and said something to the effect of "ooh no, couldn't marry mine!" They split up within the year, and as you can see, I'm still with my fella

Why get married?
It felt like the logical next step. Both our sets of parents have enjoyed long happy marriages and we felt inspired by their example. Equally, we both believe in getting married before having children. We also wanted to show what we saw as the ultimate commitment to each other.

What is marriage?
It's possibly the biggest partnership you ever enter into. You commit to sharing your lives and your laundry It's also perhaps the ultimate journey, so you'd better choose the right travelling companion!

How does marriage change you, your life and relationship?
I don't feel it has, to be honest. We were always a strong and trusting couple before getting married, and we lived together before marriage, so it hasn't changed our lives. As mentioned, we mainly got married for traditional reasons rather than because we wanted to change our lives. In a way, I suppose we saw marriage as a celebration of things staying the same! Saying this, though, we haven't been married that long (only nearly 2 years) so perhaps my answer will change as we get older.

CharlieRabbit01

I wouldn't say 5/6 years was a long time, but then I've been with my OH for 6 years and marriage isn't on the horizon.

But it does seem to be people get married within a year or 2 of getting together.

LittleMissAspie

When to get married?
When you need the legal protections it gives you.

Why get married?
Because you need the legal protections it gives you.

What is marriage?
A legal document that proves you're entitled to the legal protections that marriage gives you.

How does marriage change you, your life and relationship?
I've never married but I can't see how anything would change.

I'm not much of a romantic as you can see, I prefer to look at the practical side of things. As far as I'm concerned my boyfriend and I are as good as married because we want to spend the rest of our lives together so I don't see the point of a wedding. I'm not interested in the aspects of a wedding that women seem to get excited about, like dresses or having my hair done or whatever, and we are already doing the marriage bit, the sharing our lives bit. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

lostinrates

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

I wouldn't say 5/6 years was a long time, but then I've been with my OH for 6 years and marriage isn't on the horizon.

But it does seem to be people get married within a year or 2 of getting together.

But perhaps that is more about your feelings toward marriage and priority?

Six years, very roughly, ( I am no mathematician) is over eight percent of a ( biblical) three score and ten life span. Rounding up that's ten percent of a lifetime ( which includes childhood) . For me I wouldn't be in a relationship that long if I didn't think it was forever, and forever for me includes, in the ideal scenario...but not all...marriage. If marriage is not important it can still mean forever, and be as important a relationship. It's not a value judgement on relationship but rather a personal judgement on the value of marriage.

Saturnalia

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

When to get married?
When you need the legal protections it gives you.

Why get married?
Because you need the legal protections it gives you.

What is marriage?
A legal document that proves you're entitled to the legal protections that marriage gives you.

How does marriage change you, your life and relationship?
I've never married but I can't see how anything would change.

I'm not much of a romantic as you can see, I prefer to look at the practical side of things. As far as I'm concerned my boyfriend and I are as good as married because we want to spend the rest of our lives together so I don't see the point of a wedding. I'm not interested in the aspects of a wedding that women seem to get excited about, like dresses or having my hair done or whatever, and we are already doing the marriage bit, the sharing our lives bit. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Yep, my thoughts too!


On another aspect, what is it with couples who have been living together donkey's years, kids, mortgage the lot, all-but-married, then they decide to make it official and then within a year or two they have split up?!? They say "marry in haste, repent at leisure" but it seems to be the opposite is true. Couples that marry within a couple of years of meeting seem to be the ones that last. I'd have thought the longer you had to think about what you were getting into, the more chance you would have of a long-lasting marriage, but that really doesn't seem to be the case.

Carer

When to get married?
No idea, not something we ever consider.

Why get married?
Honestly I've no idea, we have been together 24 years, have 3 kids and one grandchild. As yet, we've never found a reason to get married.

What is marriage?
To us it's a unnecessary piece of paper.

How does marriage change you, your life and relationship?
It wouldn't make the slightest difference to us.

Lagoon

Saturnalia wrote: »

Yep, my thoughts too!


On another aspect, what is it with couples who have been living together donkey's years, kids, mortgage the lot, all-but-married, then they decide to make it official and then within a year or two they have split up?!? They say "marry in haste, repent at leisure" but it seems to be the opposite is true. Couples that marry within a couple of years of meeting seem to be the ones that last. I'd have thought the longer you had to think about what you were getting into, the more chance you would have of a long-lasting marriage, but that really doesn't seem to be the case.

I've witnessed plenty of the opposite, too.