The When, Why, What and How of Marriage

System

When to get married?
When you want to to be his Wife.

Why get married?
You want to be his Wife.

What is marriage?
A legally binding contract saying your his Wife.

How does marriage change you, your life and relationship?
NO, the fact youve met this very special person does.

incidently, if you had asked me these questions 28 years ago i'd have given you much different answers.

pinkshoes

When to get married?
- hmmm, we've been together 3.5 years and have a 2 year old. We'll get round to marriage probably this summer.


Why get married?
Because it's the ultimate commitment to someone. It may just be a "piece of paper", but it's a piece of paper stating that you want to spend the rest of your life together.

Unmarried couples with children are FAR more likely to split up than married parents (3x more likely to have split up before the child is 5 than married parents),so being married to someone makes you work harder at your relationship and less likely to give up when times get hard. It's too easy to walk away when you're not married.

I think the statistics of unmarried couples with children still being together when their child is 16 is actually quite grim - 5% maybe???

podperson

pinkshoes wrote: »

When to get married?
- hmmm, we've been together 3.5 years and have a 2 year old. We'll get round to marriage probably this summer.


Why get married?
Because it's the ultimate commitment to someone. It may just be a "piece of paper", but it's a piece of paper stating that you want to spend the rest of your life together.

Unmarried couples with children are FAR more likely to split up than married parents (3x more likely to have split up before the child is 5 than married parents),so being married to someone makes you work harder at your relationship and less likely to give up when times get hard. It's too easy to walk away when you're not married.

I think the statistics of unmarried couples with children still being together when their child is 16 is actually quite grim - 5% maybe???

Sorry, but I really don't agree with that it all. Imo you make a commitment in your heart and mind to stay with someone - if that's strong enough then you will work through all the cack that life throws at you, if it isn't then you'll break up and no piece of paper will change that. I've been with my OH for 13 years now, we're not married but we made a commitment that we loved each other and knew we were meant to be together so when we've had problems we've worked through them. Of all the couples I know it's actually the non-married ones who have lasted the longest while out of the ones who have got married about a third of them are now separated or divorced.

bugslet

When?

Presumably when you feel that you want to - best answer I can give since I've never married.

I've been with someone, nearly 28 years though. I once had a discussion on a night out with a client and his fiancee, he'd been divorced twice and she divorced once. Apparently marriage to him meant commitment....and he then went on to ask what Mr B and I thought made our relationship work! To me, having a marriage certificate does not equal commitment - only staying the course can do that.

Why

For me, I've no idea - I've never wanted to, though Mr B would have. I don't see it as being more of a commitment in terms of the relationship than people not getting married. I can understand if children will be/ are involved then there is probably some legally good reasons in that.

What

Piece of irrelevant paper to me.

I know someone referenced ill-health, but when Mr B went into hospital last year ( cancer and dementia), everyone was fine dealing with me. We did have power of attorney, but no-one apart from the financial institutions asked for the paperwork. The health side, I was never challenged.

I don't have a problem with marriage, and I love a good wedding!, so I'm just applying the above to my personal circumstances - no offence meant to those in happy wedded bliss!:)

Lagoon

pinkshoes wrote: »

Why get married?[/B]
Because it's the ultimate commitment to someone. It may just be a "piece of paper", but it's a piece of paper stating that you want to spend the rest of your life together.

Unmarried couples with children are FAR more likely to split up than married parents (3x more likely to have split up before the child is 5 than married parents),so being married to someone makes you work harder at your relationship and less likely to give up when times get hard. It's too easy to walk away when you're not married.

I think the statistics of unmarried couples with children still being together when their child is 16 is actually quite grim - 5% maybe???

I disagree with this. Being married, or not, doesn't affect the strength of your relationship.

Look at the other side of that statistic - parents staying together 'for the kids', or because divorce is more difficult than a breakup when you're not married.

What's better for the kids? Parents that knew when a relationship wasn't working, and split up, or ones that stick together because they made a promise on their wedding day yet aren't happy as a couple.

CharlieRabbit01

pigpen wrote: »

Why would you have such an argument with anyone let alone someone you are meant to love?

I prefer to discuss things calmly and maturely... and if we disagree still I just say yeah whatever and move on.. we can't agree on everything but why fall out?

In 6 years we've never had a massive screaming argument but we've had disagreements, but they are always amicable.

CharlieRabbit01

Judi wrote: »

When to get married?
When you want to to be his Wife.

Why get married?
When you want to be his Wife.

What is marriage?
A legally binding contract saying your his Wife.

How does marriage change you, your life and relationship?
NO, the fact youve met this very special person does.

incidently, if you had asked me these questions 28 years ago i'd have given you much different answers.

what would your answers have been?

CharlieRabbit01

Lagoon wrote: »

I disagree with this. Being married, or not, doesn't affect the strength of your relationship.

Look at the other side of that statistic - parents staying together 'for the kids', or because divorce is more difficult than a breakup when you're not married.

What's better for the kids? Parents that knew when a relationship wasn't working, and split up, or ones that stick together because they made a promise on their wedding day yet aren't happy as a couple.

I agree your not fooling your children by doing this.

This_Year

pigpen wrote: »

Why would you have such an argument with anyone let alone someone you are meant to love?

I prefer to discuss things calmly and maturely... and if we disagree still I just say yeah whatever and move on.. we can't agree on everything but why fall out?

because we're human? We do prefer to have a calm discussion [we DO discuss everything and anything rationally] but on occasion we have had incredible spats. Doesn't mean than we don't love each other any the less.

Goldiegirl

I got married in 1981. At that time things were still quite traditional - it was still relatively rare to live together before marriage. I was 21 when I got married, which seems very young these days.

When to get married

We both knew within a few weeks of meeting each other that this was 'it', but he proposed a few months after we'd met, as he didn't want us to just drift into marriage. We married 2 years after meeting, as we wanted to save enough money for a deposit on a house.

Why get married

You want to commit to each other for the rest of your life.

What is marriage

A public declaration of thar commitment

How does marriage change you, your life and relationship.

I think I've learnt to be more tolerant and more sharing.