The When, Why, What and How of Marriage

lostinrates

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

I have a similar opinion to Kayalana99.

I don't really see the point in getting married that and the fact since I don't have a lot of spare money there are other things I'd rather spend it on.
[it cost us a little over a hundred quid some years ago, I think it's still under £150[/COLOR]
I also don't want to change my name I am the last person in my family to have my name (everyone else has either died or married). So my name is important to me but also I don't think I could get married and just keep my name which I know you can do.
yes, you can do. For various reasons ( all legal:D) I use both my names for different things.

I have absolutely no desire to get what remains of my family together with my partners family. It may sound bad but my family embarrass me.none of our family came. This caused some rancour, but not as much as we feared, everyone is pretty much over it now. One of my siblings in law has just got married also with no one else attending, and it seems we have set a pattern and taken the 'wrath' out of this decision for those that follow it

I've been with my partner for 6 years and lived together for 5.5 years.

A few people have accused me of living in sin. its not sin. If its for you fine, but do not make the mistake that its a worthless piece of paper in all circumstances, in ours it's been invaluable in dh being undisputedly my next of kin when it comes to medical decisions

Not committed to him because I have no desire to get married and that I'm obviously just waiting for the mr right to come along.

We love each other very much, make each other laugh and smile and have the same opinions on marriage and babies etc.

So just wondered what everyone else's thoughts were on the subject as i'm sure i'm not alone in my opinon.

You aren't alone, you are not wholly wrong, and for many marriage never feels right. ( Might have been me with a different partner too, not wanting to get married to them). However, like it or not practically, for some tax purposes and legal considerations marriage or civil partnerships are still useful. I would want all other paper work absolutely in place.

CharlieRabbit01

I'd still rather (at the moment anyway) put that 100 -150 towards something else that I actually want or as it should be need.

My relationship with my mother is already strained and I wouldn't like to do anything that made that worse. And it would be devastating to OH's parents if they we're invited.

What are the tax/legal considerations?

pigpen

When to get married?

Whenever you like, just don't expect me to marry you or pay for it

Why get married?

I got married to get rid of the surname I hated.

What is marriage?

ownership, hard work, waste of time, obsolete in a time of contracts.. just do one of those instead!

How does marriage change you, your life and relationship?

It means when the other half turns into a complete [EMAIL="tw@t"]!!!!!![/EMAIL] they are harder to get rid off, want all your stuff and you haven't got a leg to stand on. Other than that a piece of paper changes nothing.

VestanPance

sjc3 wrote: »

Aha you see I was right, some people drive their partners away. What happened did you bore him, could you not make him happy? See it is the one left behind that pushes other people away, not the other way round. Think about it marisco and thanks for just proving all my points

There's only one person on the forum showing themselves up as a horrible bore and it's not Marisco.

SmallL

When : We still aren't married but its due to an age and financial issues that come with being young. Were both 21, but have been living together since 17 and dating since 15. As students we simply dont have the money or time to plan a wedding, even though weve been 'ready' to get married for atleast 2 years.
Why: We both want to be married, we see it as a united front and a formality, preferably before kids, however if i had to choose due to financial constraints i would rather have kids than be married.
What: A commitment, should be life-long, we already feelentirely commited, the act is a formality/publicdisplay of this.
How: We will see! Though i don't expect it won't as we are so close and discuss absolutely everything, his proposal won't be a suprise thats for sure!

podperson

When I got together with my OH I knew pretty quickly we were in it for the long haul - he proposed after about 4 months, we moved in together soon after. We were still pretty young at the time (I was still at uni) so planned on actually getting married a few years down the line.

Then a few years later the option came of using our savings for a new house - it would mean we had no wedding money but we thought the house would make more sense for our future. Then my OH had health issues that led to him being unable to work for several years, when he finally improved somewhat he realised he didn't want to go back to the min-wage daily grind jobs he'd been doing and after some discussion he went back to uni as a mature student.

With me bringing the only wage in for the last 6-7 years we had no spare money to save up for a wedding. Yes, I know we could go down to the registry office but after so long and after all we've been through we know it isn't going to make a bit of difference to our relationship - we see it as a celebration of our love that we would like to do in a nice way and with our family and friends present.

That is something we would like to do though - if we didn't then it wouldn't make much difference. When we have children then possibly the legal implications will become more important to us and it will become a higher priority. If it's something that you don't want to do though then don't feel pressured into it - you're not 'living in sin' and you're happy as you are then no one has the right to criticise that.

CharlieRabbit01

sjc3 wrote: »

Her marriage fell apart, in quite spectacular fashion, from what I read recently. Who wouldn't get bored and want to walk away from someone like her. She goes on and on about how to make relationships work but look at the facts, her marriage fell apart. What kind of idiot would take advice from someone who has failed so badly in their personal life.

Anyone who is cheated on has it coming to them. They go about their lives in some laxidaisical fashion not putting enough into their relationships then spend years and years bleating on about how hard done by they are. She is a prime example of this on here. I have little respect for her and her kind, who wouldn't! :cool:

I opened this thread to discuss marriage not attack people.

lostinrates

wrote:

Edited to remove quote.
Wow.
Just wow.

Not often I feel moved to report a poster.

TeamLowe

When to get married?
for me it was when in my heart i knew he was my life partner and i wanted the world to know it. we met in the June, moved in together in the October and were engaged in the April and married two years later (the time i thought it would take to save for our wedding but father paid for most of it for which i am eternally grateful)

Why get married?
Because you have chosen your life partner and want them to be recognised as such, legally and socially. 'he's my boyfriend' could apply to someone you've been with two weeks or two decades, a casual relationship or a deeply committed. but everybody knows immediately how strongly committed you are when you say 'he's my husband'

What is marriage?
Marriage is a commitment to share your whole world, your whole heart and soul, your family, your successes and failures, your gains and losses with that other person (or persons i guess) who have promised to share the same with you.

How does marriage change you, your life and relationship?
My marriage has made our relationship stronger and better but i can't really explain why or how.
My marriage has also given me the strength to get through the darkest time in my life, which came quickly after our marriage. My Husband was my rock even through his own grief and i knew for certain that he would be by my side if it happened again, if i could never carry to term, if anything. he made his commitment to me and that means more to me than anything else.

...can't wait to get home and cuddle him now x

duchy

sjc3's post will soon disappear ...I'm sure I'm not the only one hitting the report button. Ah school holidays ...........always brings out the trolls