Partner refusing to discuss deed of trust!

rd07

OP states it is their first house together - how do you know everything will work out fine when living together? Personally I think deed of trust is entirely sensible.

The one we had written (sure you can get them written differently) becomes invalid on marriage anyway and after 2 years living together, got married and it never was/has been an issue for us. Ours was get x% back, then split any equity 50/50.

If your partner can't understand why you would want to protect your savings, that seems odd to me. Regardless of what property you are buying, 25% is a substantial chunk of cash!

fishybusiness

My partner put 28k in to a house with her ex a few years ago when they were 'madly in love'.

Three years later, a baby, lots of stress and alcohol getting the better of them it all went wrong. She didn't see a penny of her 28k for various reasons.

It actually didn't matter to her in the end, getting out of the relationship, disposing of the house and moving on were much more important. Once the money had been put in to the house, essentially it was gone, used for a purpose and that became the end of it.

It's a strange world where money, and the thought of losing money is the point of contention in a relationship.

If your partner does not want to deal with it, he obviously has good reason. He may feel let down for example, his partner, his life choice is wanting security for her money.......she doesn't think they will last the distance, then what? Or, he may be focused on the money and can see it slipping away.

Either way, and however he feels, I don't think a forum can advise you here, you have to go with your gut instinct, and move forward from there.

Carl31

Anyone that cared about their partner would aknowledge their generous contribution to there living arrangement. In some ways, yes i think its a negative way of looking at things, but with divorce more common place than life long marriage anyway on this country, its foolish to think because things are rosy now, they will be for ever

What about negative equity? Would you be prepared to take on your share of that if it occured? Seeing as you would have the larger stake in the property? If so, use that as your selling point, you need protection as you are taking on more risk

mountainofdebt

Why not buy the house in such a way that you, personally, own more of a share of it than him?

Wobblydeb

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

What else won't he talk about? Should your sensible head be saying anything else to you atm?

Nope, don't think so. Normally I am the one who avoids talking about stuff.

rd07 wrote: »

OP states it is their first house together - how do you know everything will work out fine when living together? Personally I think deed of trust is entirely sensible.

We've been living together for 3 years now ... survived the first 6 months and all is good

Carl31 wrote: »

What about negative equity? Would you be prepared to take on your share of that if it occured? Seeing as you would have the larger stake in the property? If so, use that as your selling point, you need protection as you are taking on more risk

Yep, I am happy to share the negative equity as well as any upside, so was going to do it as a %. However, we are about to spend a similar amount renovating the house, so actually £££ may be slightly fairer. (Otherwise the renovation increases my deposit higher than it would have been in normal market).

I think a lot of this is that I don't tie emotions up with money, whereas lots of other people (including my fiance!) do. I wouldn't care if the shoe was on the other foot, and he was asking for a deed of trust. I'd be slightly embarrassed not to be putting an equal share into the property, but that would be about it.

Wobblydeb

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Why not buy the house in such a way that you, personally, own more of a share of it than him?

Is there any way of doing that, other than a deed of trust?

mountainofdebt

Wobblydeb wrote: »

Is there any way of doing that, other than a deed of trust?

I'm not sure but I think if you own the house as tenants in common you can own the house in different percentages so your £25K will 'earn' you a bigger share than 50% - if that makes sense.

A solicitor would be best to advise though about the best way of doing it

claire16c

Person_one wrote: »

Nobody expects or plans to get divorced when they marry, and a lot of people don't actually have any choice or say in the matter when it happens to them.

As Claire says, once they've been married for two years then this will become irrelevant, but until then its important that couples discuss these things and agree.

I know a surprising number of people who've separated within 2 years of getting married, or had broken engagements. I know I didn't plan to break up with my ex partner only 6 months after making the huge commitment of buying a house together, but I was certainly glad we'd discussed the possibility!

I think its perfectly sensible to take small, cautious steps towards a true and equal partnership where everything is 'ours' rather than throwing it all in on day one and hoping for the best.

Yep my friend got married less than 2 years ago & she's now divorced. Yes she looks back now & realises they shouldn't have got married! Her husband put a lot lot more into a house they bought because he was older, when they divorced she said she wouldn't want to touch the house as she didn't think that would be fair and I'm not sure she would have been able to anyway as it was such a short marriage but really he was lucky she didn't try to get any money & cause a load of hassle.

My other friend bought a house with a boyfriend & after a couple of years split up, her grandparents had given her £60k for the deposit but she'd thank goodness had it written down that that was hers, as he tried to get as much as he could.

But if the deed becomes irrelevant once you've been married for a couple of years then I don't think he should have anything to worry about as he should realise she's just protecting herself in the short term. I can understand why he wouldn't agree with it if it was a long standing /til they die type thing. As in marriage who earns what is bound to change, people get ill, look after kids etc and the finances will change.

Wobblydeb

claire16c wrote: »

But if the deed becomes irrelevant once you've been married for a couple of years then I don't think he should have anything to worry about as he should realise she's just protecting herself in the short term. I can understand why he wouldn't agree with it if it was a long standing /til they die type thing. As in marriage who earns what is bound to change, people get ill, look after kids etc and the finances will change.

Yep, that bit I agree with. I will also be paying slightly more than half the mortgage, but that could easily change over the years, so it seems fairest to say after the deposit everything is 50/50.

dzug1

claire16c wrote: »

I think I read someone asking a similar question on the house buying forum before, and they replied to say that once you've been married for more than around 2 years - anything you signed becomes irrelevant and your spouse is entitled to half.

Not quite - isn't that the default position that you can at least attempt to negotiate away from??