Partner refusing to discuss deed of trust!

Savvy_Sue

What else won't he talk about? Should your sensible head be saying anything else to you atm?

Person_one

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I'm with you here. To me if that's the way you enter marriage then it seems very sad to me. I put three times more of the deposit into our home as I had more savings but that's what marriage is to us.

Nobody expects or plans to get divorced when they marry, and a lot of people don't actually have any choice or say in the matter when it happens to them.

As Claire says, once they've been married for two years then this will become irrelevant, but until then its important that couples discuss these things and agree.

I know a surprising number of people who've separated within 2 years of getting married, or had broken engagements. I know I didn't plan to break up with my ex partner only 6 months after making the huge commitment of buying a house together, but I was certainly glad we'd discussed the possibility!

I think its perfectly sensible to take small, cautious steps towards a true and equal partnership where everything is 'ours' rather than throwing it all in on day one and hoping for the best.

piglet74

If you are buying what you deem as a "family home" with someone, it should be "ours" from the get-go.

Torry_Quine

Person_one wrote: »

Nobody expects or plans to get divorced when they marry, and a lot of people don't actually have any choice or say in the matter when it happens to them.

As Claire says, once they've been married for two years then this will become irrelevant, but until then its important that couples discuss these things and agree.

I know a surprising number of people who've separated within 2 years of getting married, or had broken engagements. I know I didn't plan to break up with my ex partner only 6 months after making the huge commitment of buying a house together, but I was certainly glad we'd discussed the possibility!

I think its perfectly sensible to take small, cautious steps towards a true and equal partnership where everything is 'ours' rather than throwing it all in on day one and hoping for the best.

Why am I not surprised that you had to answer me.

I know that sadly some marriages break up. Maybe I am naive but rather that than cynical and it would never have crossed our minds to discuss what would happen should we divorce as that to me is thinking that as a couple you aren't ready to marry.

DUTR

Person_one wrote: »

Nobody expects or plans to get divorced when they marry, and a lot of people don't actually have any choice or say in the matter when it happens to them.

As Claire says, once they've been married for two years then this will become irrelevant, but until then its important that couples discuss these things and agree.

I know a surprising number of people who've separated within 2 years of getting married, or had broken engagements. I know I didn't plan to break up with my ex partner only 6 months after making the huge commitment of buying a house together, but I was certainly glad we'd discussed the possibility!

I think its perfectly sensible to take small, cautious steps towards a true and equal partnership where everything is 'ours' rather than throwing it all in on day one and hoping for the best.

It is not true about 2 years and it becomes irrelevant, perhaps the OP and her partner should wait until they both can contribute 50%, if they don't plan on splitting then the wait is worth it.

On a personal note I wonder what the responses would have been if the tables were turned?

bluesnake

A second, buy the place on your own. To most men this is not a big deal, we will sleep anywhere comfortable. Your partner will most likely not think the same as you, especially when it come to feelings.

I'm with Savvy_Sue. This is really should not be an issue, as there are bigger things to worry about.

A few years ago there was a woman similar to you, but after a number of years, he fell out of love. Think the husband had debts and was unemployed. She provided the mortgage, had a job that paid small amounts, but over the years had knocked around 20k off the mortgage. Her predicament was if the house is sold, money save would be used to cover husbands debt, and she and her child would be homeless as she would have funds for a new mortgage, not could she afford the going rent prices. Think legal aid covered his divorce too. - It was a good few years ago and there have been a few similar too, but this particular one continued for quite a while.

Protecting your self from the beginning will benefits both parties. If nothing ever goes wrong, then nothing is lost. Get solicitors involved, then neither you or him may come out as financial winners.

Skintski

Don't buy with him without the paperwork, its the only sensible option. Those who think it lessens marriage have clearly never been stung.

FBaby

claire16c wrote: »

I think I read someone asking a similar question on the house buying forum before, and they replied to say that once you've been married for more than around 2 years - anything you signed becomes irrelevant and your spouse is entitled to half.

So if this person is your fianc! & you're marrying soon it might be pointless.

I don't know if this is true or not but I'm sure that's what I read as a guy was wanting to do something similar with his fianc!e.

Indeed, once married, everything becomes joint assets, so if you have the overwhelming need to protect yourself, don't get married.

I am getting married in September. Financially, my fiance has a lot more to lose than I. Not just that, but he was married before, was the main earner, she cheated and left him and still got half of the assets, so for him to be prepared to do it again with me show me the absolute faith he has in me. Of course no one can say 100% that the marriage will last forever, but if you can get confident as close to it as possible, then that's when you are ready.

SkipE

When we got our first house together I suggested a deed of trust as I was contributing nothing and my now DH had the deposit etc. We agreed that he would get back his deposit and his percentage (as he was a higher earner so paying more mortgage than me) should we separate. The deed lasted just for that house regardless of marriage. I was fine with that as I had no intentions of splitting up but as he had been burnt before.

By signing one of these it doesnt mean your relationship is doomed to fail it just means that there is a mutual respect for each other and makes things much easier should it fail. We are still going strong over 10 years later.

FBaby

Yes, but that's the difference between being in a relationship and being in a marriage. Marriage is not just about a nice white wedding, it's about taking commitment to another level, one where you accept the financial risk.

This was the difference between my partner and I staying as we were, living together, separate financial arrangement, happy together, but knowing that we could get out of the relationship with nothing left behind, and making the complete commitment to each other. I am completely utterly committed to my man and I needed to know that he felt the same. We are now ready to be married for life!