Partner refusing to discuss deed of trust!

Person_one

piglet74 wrote: »

Oh I understand they are not married, I am saying there aint much point in getting married when OP don't seem to believe in "for richer or poorer...til death do us part"...

That's unnecessarily harsh.

It doesn't happen overnight, the 'death do us part' is something you come to with time. I take it you and your partner didn't throw everything in one pot after your first date?

piglet74

They have been together 3 years..., OP has said this will be a "family home".... If she is thinking like that then why the need to protect her investment. The "til death do us part" don't come with time, it comes with marriage vows!

Brighton_belle

piglet74 wrote: »

I can't understand why a couple would want to marry and take vows "for richer and for poorer".. If they are starting out life together ear marking what they brought to the relationship. Whatever happened to "what's mine is yours", in this case it is more like "what's mine is my own".

A small technical point, but marriage vows no longer necessarily include these lines: we got married 18 months ago and our vows did not include the richer /poorer/in sickness and in health lines at all, nor 'til death do us part'.

Person_one

piglet74 wrote: »

They have been together 3 years..., OP has said this will be a "family home".... If she is thinking like that then why the need to protect her investment. The "til death do us part" don't come with time, it comes with marriage vows!

Which, once again, they haven't made yet...

piglet74

Exactly...

Wobblydeb

piglet74 wrote: »

Oh I understand they are not married, I am saying there aint much point in getting married when OP don't seem to believe in "for richer or poorer...til death do us part"...

I DO believe in "for richer or poorer etc. etc." however I have not yet made those vows

piglet74 wrote: »

They have been together 3 years..., OP has said this will be a "family home".... If she is thinking like that then why the need to protect her investment. The "til death do us part" don't come with time, it comes with marriage vows!

Actually we've been together 7 years, engaged and living together for 3. For various reasons we have ended up house hunting before the wedding . I am only looking to protect my investment in case we never get to the "for richer or poorer" bit

piglet74

If you don't think you might even make it to marriage then don't buy a house with the fella,

Buy the house alone,

Of course it is entirely up to you what you do, but I am totally with your OH on this, if you firmly do believe in together forever, for richer and poorer etc etc, then you have no need to protect your investment, and asking him to do so, is another way of saying "its just in case we break up", if you believe in marriage vows, you won't need a plan B. Just my opinion,

We done things ar£e about face too, moved in together, got engaged, had a baby, bought a house, and finally 12 years later... Got married... And a few months back, sold the house.

I really hope you and your OH can come to an agreement and really do live happy ever after

Piggy x

Sensible_Jess

OP - If your OH is dead set against the deed of trust (although you said he wasn't initially - I wonder what changed?) Maybe you could suggest waiting to buy until he is in a position to equally contribute to the deposit?

Personally, I fail to see the issue with a deed of trust as it protects your interests only if you break up and has no effect while you're still in the relationship... But I would be more concerned that you both are not on the same wavelength when it comes to finances.

In any case, if I was in your position, I wouldn't be going ahead with the house purchase until this is sorted.

Mojisola

Wobblydeb wrote: »

Bizarrely, he suggested this - or that I just arrange it and he will sign it. It seems that the conversation is what is upsetting him. :undecided

Sensible_Jess wrote: »

OP - If your OH is dead set against the deed of trust (although you said he wasn't initially - I wonder what changed?)

Deb - can he explain why he feels differently about things now?

FBaby

claire16c wrote: »

I agree but they're not actually married yet.

they're engaged so intend to get married what's the difference?