Partner refusing to discuss deed of trust!

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

they're engaged so intend to get married what's the difference?

The marriage certificate, they don't have one yet!

claire16c

74jax wrote: »

I can totally understand how people would like to protect what they put in. My parents for example don't believe in insurance as they think that is tempting fate by having it, but I wouldn't be without mine.

I think in this instance you have to trust how you feel.

How does that make sense?

Wouldnt tempting fate be not having insurance? Because you are 'tempting' it to happen because you arent prepared? Fate isnt a 'real' thing anyway but that seems back to front to me.

piglet74 wrote: »

If you don't think you might even make it to marriage then don't buy a house with the fella,

Maybe thats what they should do. Only buy the house after getting married - or being married for a while, and then they wouldnt have to worry about deeds etc

Skintski

Your home is your biggest asset, why would you not protect yourself especially if you have yet to tie the knot? I refused a trust deed when I bought my first home with a partner and when we split up I could have taken him for more than I was owed. I did the decent thing but that does not mean everyone will do the same. Now I wouldn't be without one because not all are as honest as I. Did I think we would split up when we moved in? Unless you have psychic powers it's just common sense.

Do yourself a favour and ignore the flowery romantics who think it isn't important. As much as I love my other half I know that things happen and people change over time so if/when that time ever comes you want to know you gave yourself the best chance possible financially.

claire16c

FBaby wrote: »

they're engaged so intend to get married what's the difference?

Well I suppose it depends on what type of engagement it is.

Are they engaged to be married i.e the date is set, plans are in place etc, or are they just engaged to be engaged type thing.

Person_one

claire16c wrote: »

Well I suppose it depends on what type of engagement it is.

Are they engaged to be married i.e the date is set, plans are in place etc, or are they just engaged to be engaged type thing.

My friend had a date set two years ago, a dress ordered and a venue booked for this August.

She's just moved into a rented place on her own after being thrown out when her fiance met somebody else.

Intentions count for nothing when it comes down to it. When you're actually married is when it makes sense to act like you're married!

Treevo

piglet74 wrote: »

They have been together 3 years..., OP has said this will be a "family home".... If she is thinking like that then why the need to protect her investment. The "til death do us part" don't come with time, it comes with marriage vows!

Because she's being sensible and protecting herself. More than half of all marriages end in divorce so for every wide-eyed, naive, slightly !!!!!y, self-important idealist, there's someone just like them who end up bitter and alone after their husband falls onto/into his size eight secretary in their weekend love cabin in the Lake District.

FBaby

Person_one wrote: »

The marriage certificate, they don't have one yet!

So it makes a difference? Ok to share everything after marriage, but until the day before, everything should be considered one's own asset. Back to square one... why get married if you are not prepared for assets to be divided 50/50, why get engaged if you are not prepared to be married?

Errata

A deed of trust works exactly the same way as house insurance. It sits on the shelf until it's needed.

FBaby

claire16c wrote: »

Well I suppose it depends on what type of engagement it is.

Are they engaged to be married i.e the date is set, plans are in place etc, or are they just engaged to be engaged type thing.

Well indeed, that's another thing I don't get....getting engaged to be married but with no clear intentions to get married....what's the point?

Torry_Quine

claire16c wrote: »

How does that make sense?

Wouldnt tempting fate be not having insurance? Because you are 'tempting' it to happen because you arent prepared? Fate isnt a 'real' thing anyway but that seems back to front to me.




Maybe thats what they should do. Only buy the house after getting married - or being married for a while, and then they wouldnt have to worry about deeds etc

It's the right way round. For instance some won't right a will as they think somehow it means something will happen! It's very silly reasoning to me but very real to some.

We bought our house as somewhere to live in when we married and hadn't lived together before at all. The idea of buying a house after some kind of trial period suggests a lack of commitment to me.