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Partner refusing to discuss deed of trust!

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  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    FBaby wrote: »
    So it makes a difference? Ok to share everything after marriage, but until the day before, everything should be considered one's own asset. Back to square one... why get married if you are not prepared for assets to be divided 50/50, why get engaged if you are not prepared to be married?


    Of course marriage makes a difference, that's why people do it, that's why feminists campaigned for gender equality within it and why gay rights activists are campaigning for everybody to be able to do it.
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,374 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    But getting engaged IS agreeing to marry someone. Why agree if you are not prepared to accept what comes with marriage?

    If people are not prepared to take what comes with marriage, then don't get married, don't get engaged, it's not difficult!
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    FBaby wrote: »
    But getting engaged IS agreeing to marry someone. Why agree if you are not prepared to accept what comes with marriage?

    If people are not prepared to take what comes with marriage, then don't get married, don't get engaged, it's not difficult!


    You can keep pushing that further and further though until it gets ridiculous. If you aren't prepared for the responsibilities of marriage don't go on a second date!

    Dating is different to living together, which is different to being engaged, which is different to being married or in a civil partnership.

    An engagement is a plan to get married, its not marriage, and engagements break quite frequently.
  • claire16c
    claire16c Posts: 7,074 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Person_one wrote: »
    My friend had a date set two years ago, a dress ordered and a venue booked for this August.

    She's just moved into a rented place on her own after being thrown out when her fiance met somebody else.

    Intentions count for nothing when it comes down to it. When you're actually married is when it makes sense to act like you're married!

    Wow thats harsh. Your poor friend.

    Actually now that reminds me of someone my friend knows, who had a date set and then it turned out her fiance had been having an affair for ages.
    FBaby wrote: »
    Well indeed, that's another thing I don't get....getting engaged to be married but with no clear intentions to get married....what's the point?

    I dont get it either but some people seem to do it.
    It's the right way round. For instance some won't right a will as they think somehow it means something will happen! It's very silly reasoning to me but very real to some.

    We bought our house as somewhere to live in when we married and hadn't lived together before at all. The idea of buying a house after some kind of trial period suggests a lack of commitment to me. :o

    It doesnt seem the right way round to me. Tempting fate to me is when you aren't prepared for something - and so then it happens. Like 'dont count your chicken's before theyve hatched' type thing. I would never go on holiday without travel insurance - because then you just know it would be the one holiday where you broke your leg for example. Yet if I took out the insurance, and broke my leg, the insurance would cover me, and therefore Id be fine, so what is fate tempting exactly?

    Not having a will in place because of some superstitious nonsense is just plain stupid. Plus death is a certainty!
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    claire16c wrote: »
    Wow thats harsh. Your poor friend.

    Actually now that reminds me of someone my friend knows, who had a date set and then it turned out her fiance had been having an affair for ages.


    Its very sad, but I've had a few friends who've had broken engagements, its not rare at all.

    One had a child with her ex-fiance, and in that situation I do agree that you need to be a 'unit' despite not being married, but in the OP's scenario there's no need yet.
  • claire16c
    claire16c Posts: 7,074 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Person_one wrote: »
    Its very sad, but I've had a few friends who've had broken engagements, its not rare at all.

    One had a child with her ex-fiance, and in that situation I do agree that you need to be a 'unit' despite not being married, but in the OP's scenario there's no need yet.

    Also not everyone takes engagements seriously. My DH has a friend who has been engaged around 4 or 5 times. Which I think is a complete joke and is not the meaning of being engaged but there you go.
  • piglet74 wrote: »
    They have been together 3 years..., OP has said this will be a "family home".... If she is thinking like that then why the need to protect her investment. The "til death do us part" don't come with time, it comes with marriage vows!

    Probably because she cannot predict the future. If you of course know everything that's going to happen in your life then that's great...but most mere mortals don't.
    Sanctimonious Veggie. GYO-er. Seed Saver. Get in.
  • 74jax
    74jax Posts: 7,930 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    claire16c wrote: »
    How does that make sense?

    Wouldnt tempting fate be not having insurance? Because you are 'tempting' it to happen because you arent prepared? Fate isnt a 'real' thing anyway

    I seriously don't know. It doesn't make any sence to me - but I have insurance. I just put it down to them being old ha ha.
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • piglet74
    piglet74 Posts: 2,157 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Op has said this house she's wanting to buy is "a family home.. Not somewhere to live alone"

    So she wants to set up a family home with her fella, she wants to be engaged to him, she believes in marriage and wedding vows, she just don't believe in sharing her stake in the house... Her savings.. Maybe this is how her bf sees it.
  • Errata
    Errata Posts: 38,230 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Her savings is precisely the point as it appears the bloke is contributing nothing to a deposit. Beggars can't be choosers.
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
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