Partner refusing to discuss deed of trust!

Wobblydeb

I hope this is a good forum to post this.

Me and my fiance are buying our first house together. I am putting up the 25% deposit, and he said at the outset that he was happy to do whatever paperwork was needed to acknowledge that.

I tried to start a conversation tonight about a deed of trust (i.e. returning the 25% to me if we split up) and he got really upset. Thinks it is a negative way of looking at the future, and that it must mean I don't think our relationship will last.

I was struggling to explain that I see it like insurance - set it up and then forget about it. It's only there if the worst happens.

How the heck can I put this in terms that he can accept and not think I am planning to ditch him? :huh:

lika_86

How does he feel about insurance generally? Maybe liken it to travel insurance, you don't take it out expecting to ever have to use it or that you expect something to go wrong, but it protects you if something does.

25% is probably a fair chunk of money, it's only sensible you want to do what you can to protect yourself as much as possible, and if everything goes to plan and is hunky dory then, what does it matter?!

I think you're being very sensible and I would advise anybody else in a similar situation to do the same.

Person_one

No idea how to phrase it, but I wouldn't buy the house if he won't do it.

You don't want to get financially entangled with someone who has such a cavalier attitude to finances. Will he refuse to make wills because its negative?

You really need to be on exactly the same page before making such a huge commitment.

piglet74

I'm sorry, but I am with him... It is negative, and its not a way I would like to start out,

But its just my opinion,

Hope it all works out for you both.

kittykat100

Ask him to put £12.5K in.. job done ...

moneysaymoneydo

It was your hard earned money which has enabled you to buy a house, i would be securing that money just in case. Its not you are looking to you will split up one day its just you are securing what was yours prior to you and him he needs to accept this or no house deal.

Wobblydeb

piglet74 wrote: »

I'm sorry, but I am with him... It is negative, and its not a way I would like to start out,

But its just my opinion,

Hope it all works out for you both.

What would you do in my situation? I had gone through a period of thinking it was an unnecessary expense, and wasn't going to bother, but my sensible head kicked in.

kittykat100 wrote: »

Ask him to put £12.5K in.. job done ...

Sadly, he hasn't got much in the way of savings - he bought a property in 2007, and has been clawing his way out of negative equity

74jax

My OH has considerably more than me, I am prepared to sign anything pre-nup, trust deeds etc anything he would like to feel he is protecting himself should anything happen. To him, how does he know I won't run off with the milkman in many years to come. If he was once acceptable to it then maybe the timing is just wrong? I would bring it up again, you need to be/feel 100% safe and secure in any financial decisions you make

PoppyPops

I don't see why this would be a problem for anyone to be honest, if you don't split up it's not a problem.

My friend put 30k into a property, ex turned out to be an alcoholic and she is struggling to get anything back, think she wishes she'd done this.

Treevo

Wobblydeb wrote: »

What would you do in my situation? I had gone through a period of thinking it was an unnecessary expense, and wasn't going to bother, but my sensible head kicked in.

Sadly, he hasn't got much in the way of savings - he bought a property in 2007, and has been clawing his way out of negative equity

I would buy the house myself and not let his name appear anywhere near it. It sounds as if he said he'd sign anything in order to get you to go ahead with buying, but now thinks he can play on your emotions so you won't act sensibly so he can get his hands on your money.

If he wasn't after your money, allowing you to protect it legally wouldn't be an issue at all.

piglet74

Well tbh. I would not consider buying a house at the mo.. I just got rid of one.. And I will never buy again ;-) but that's just my story..

If you are 100% committed to him, and he to you, and you plan on being together "do death do us part", then you have no need to protect your investment,

If you think there is a chance that you will break up, or maybe things are rocky or whatever, well then I wouldn't be buying a house with him at all,

Can you buy the house on your own?