Gutted

Orlando_Virgin

Broke up with my GF yesterday after 2 years. I'm 28 and she's 22 and basically for the last month or so we've really been struggling to be happy. I've seen her become less happy as the time has gone on and that has spiralled on to me being unhappy as well because I couldn't figure it out.

When I asked her what was making her unhappy and if there was anything I could do or say, she just burst in to tears and said she didn't know why in herself. She said she needed to go figure it out and it was something she had to do on her own. She said she loves me and always will, which I know is a cliche but she genuinely looked devastated. We both were.

Obviously I respect her position and honesty but it's made all the harder that she actually wants to be with me but just can't. I have a great family and good set of friends and I'm just going to take it day by day. I've just found it so incredibly difficult. She would like to be friends and so would I if I could, but obviously the thought of her with someone else etc. still makes me sick.

pigpen

My uncle went through this.. 6 years later he met up with her again and they married and have been married 30 years now.. time has a way of going full circle and healing.

She is 22.. she is watching her friends do nights put and partying and just needs a bit of space to get that out of her system before settling down and doing the boring grown up things..

Just give yourself some time too.

Orlando_Virgin

pigpen wrote: »

My uncle went through this.. 6 years later he met up with her again and they married and have been married 30 years now.. time has a way of going full circle and healing.

She is 22.. she is watching her friends do nights put and partying and just needs a bit of space to get that out of her system before settling down and doing the boring grown up things..

Just give yourself some time too.

The thing is she travelled to Australia when she was 19 and lived there for a year. I don't think she's ever quite got that bug out of her system either. I think meeting me hid it all away for a while but its back. I think if I didn't let her go now, it would only re-surface at a later stage.

The weird thing is I've been through a break up before with an ex who I was with for 5 years and it was nowhere near as painful as this. I'm sure I'll get through, life must go on.

pigpen

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

The thing is she travelled to Australia when she was 19 and lived there for a year. I don't think she's ever quite got that bug out of her system either. I think meeting me hid it all away for a while but its back. I think if I didn't let her go now, it would only re-surface at a later stage.

The weird thing is I've been through a break up before with an ex who I was with for 5 years and it was nowhere near as painful as this. I'm sure I'll get through, life must go on.

She might be one of the people who never get it out of their system.. She may find her way back to you.. just no stalking

There are relationships that run their course like your previous one maybe but the ones that hit you hard are the ones where the end is all about one person, not your feelings and you aren't ready, but you survive because there are new adventures and new people and new experiences ahead.

Orlando_Virgin

pigpen wrote: »

She might be one of the people who never get it out of their system.. She may find her way back to you.. just no stalking

There are relationships that run their course like your previous one maybe but the ones that hit you hard are the ones where the end is all about one person, not your feelings and you aren't ready, but you survive because there are new adventures and new people and new experiences ahead.

Thanks, I appreciate that. I'm a realistic person and I can't live my life hoping that eventually she gets whatever it is out of her system and comes back to me. It's possible but not likely, I know that.

It's also never happened to me before where I am on the receiving end kind of thing. The last relationship was mutual as well. The show must go on I guess.

Netwizard

When I asked her what was making her unhappy and if there was anything I could do or say, she just burst in to tears and said she didn't know why in herself. She said she needed to go figure it out and it was something she had to do on her own. [\QUOTE]

Im 28 and dont understand this either. Ive always assumed that it means she wants to be with someone else but doesnt have the heart to be honest about it, and the old chesnut of turning on the water works and suggesting a break or whatever, was just a way of keeping you on the backburner while she goes out and test drives some new models!

Having lurked on here for a long time and having read similar threads, it wouldnt suprise me if that was what was going on here.

Best of luck anyway

neneromanova

My Hubby and I broke up after only 3 months (he was previous married and newly divorced, I was pregnant by someone else who wasn't on the scene) A month after DD1 was born we got back together and have been together ever since and married for 6 months

The saying goes, If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours....

Orlando_Virgin

neneromanova wrote: »

My Hubby and I broke up after only 3 months (he was previous married and newly divorced, I was pregnant by someone else who wasn't on the scene) A month after DD1 was born we got back together and have been together ever since and married for 6 months

The saying goes, If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours....

I really like that saying. Thanks so much for your kind words.

Orlando_Virgin

Netwizard wrote: »

When I asked her what was making her unhappy and if there was anything I could do or say, she just burst in to tears and said she didn't know why in herself. She said she needed to go figure it out and it was something she had to do on her own. [\QUOTE]

Im 28 and dont understand this either. Ive always assumed that it means she wants to be with someone else but doesnt have the heart to be honest about it, and the old chesnut of turning on the water works and suggesting a break or whatever, was just a way of keeping you on the backburner while she goes out and test drives some new models!

Having lurked on here for a long time and having read similar threads, it wouldnt suprise me if that was what was going on here.

Best of luck anyway

Maybe she is? I don't think thats the no. 1 reason but maybe there's a bit of that in there. To be fair to her she didn't suggest a break she said she wanted to go and try and find happiness and didn't want to drag me along whilst she did.

I will always love and respect her to some degree, but I'm also aware that maybe she will meet someone else and realise that it just wasn't right with me, I can't be bitter about that, because that means we weren't right in the first place anyway. Both people need to be happy for it to work.

ALIBOBSY

I would imagine it could well be an age thing, we all are definately different people at 28 to what we were at 20/22 and tbh even between 19/20 and 22/23 you mature and change.

I would say you are getting to the age you want to get more serious and settle down, but she is still at that age you want to go out and party. I am now in my early 40's and I think you get to around your mid to late 20's and mature and I still feel 28 in my head lol. But at 20 you are just a baby really.

You are upset and rightly so, but you sound a sensible sort. Let her go and try to concentrate on other things in your life. Either one day she will come back to you and it will all work out or some day soon you will meet the partner of your dreams and things will slot into place. But for now try not to let it get to you too much.

Sadly I think most women use the term "I love you and always will, but I am not in love with you" or words to that effect to let guys down gently. I would say she means "you have been an important part of me starting to grow up and I am fond of you, but I am not ready to settle down and you don't feel like "the One" to me, sorry".

Have a bit of me time and do whatever blokes do instead of bubble baths/good ice cream and chocolates lol, and allow yourself time to let it go before jumping into any new relationship. Good Luck

Ali x

Orlando_Virgin

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

I would imagine it could well be an age thing, we all are definately different people at 28 to what we were at 20/22 and tbh even between 19/20 and 22/23 you mature and change.

I would say you are getting to the age you want to get more serious and settle down, but she is still at that age you want to go out and party. I am now in my early 40's and I think you get to around your mid to late 20's and mature and I still feel 28 in my head lol. But at 20 you are just a baby really.

You are upset and rightly so, but you sound a sensible sort. Let her go and try to concentrate on other things in your life. Either one day she will come back to you and it will all work out or some day soon you will meet the partner of your dreams and things will slot into place. But for now try not to let it get to you too much.

Sadly I think most women use the term "I love you and always will, but I am not in love with you" or words to that effect to let guys down gently. I would say she means "you have been an important part of me starting to grow up and I am fond of you, but I am not ready to settle down and you don't feel like "the One" to me, sorry".

Have a bit of me time and do whatever blokes do instead of bubble baths/good ice cream and chocolates lol, and allow yourself time to let it go before jumping into any new relationship. Good Luck

Ali x

Yeah I know that's a cliche is "I will always love you" because the hurt is always fresh and it might feel that way. She was saying things like "I don't want to be with anyone else" etc. and I just tried to say that she shouldn't make promises she can't keep as so many things change in life in time and your wants and needs are always changing.

The sad thing is I genuinely believe her when she says she wishes she could be happy with me but can't. If someone has tried that hard and still can't figure out how to be happy, then there is obviously something fundamentally wrong.

Thank you for replying anyway, I appreciate your insight.