Do table manners matter any more?

londonlydia

Oh and a quick interesting aside. An assembly I had back at school covered the topic of table manners and peas. *Apparently* someone had done some research into why sales of peas were declining comparative to other veg. Apparently, the conclusion was that peas are difficult to eat without good table manners (i.e. if you were shovelling it in they roll off as opposed to using your fork curved down) and with declining table manenrs people were avoiding them!

Would struggle to find the reference now, but it's something that has always stayed with me!

Tropez

Estateprincess wrote: »

I will avoid sitting next to my sister at family meals as she ALWAYS chews with her mouth open (but blames having a blocked nose - what ALL the time??!!

You should ask her to see a doctor. If she does indeed have a permanently blocked nose it is possible she has polyps or a deviated septum, both easily fixable and much better for her overall wellbeing and quality of sleep

BugglyB

I think serving ladies first is more ettiquette or tradition rather than manners.

Estateprincess

Tropez wrote: »

You should ask her to see a doctor. If she does indeed have a permanently blocked nose it is possible she has polyps or a deviated septum, both easily fixable and much better for her overall wellbeing and quality of sleep

She doesn't! She is lactose intollerant and used to have a blocked nose alot when she was little (6/7) but doesn't now as she cuts out the lactose - she is just lazy and has no manners! (or she does it because she knows just how much I hate it!!)

marisco_2

lillibet_dripping wrote: »

In these days of convenience foods eaten on a tray in front of the television, do table manners even matter any more?

Table manners matter very much to me. I was raised from a very young age to know how to hold my knife and fork properly, how to cut my food and place it into my mouth nicely and to not eat or talk with my mouth full. Something children I come into contact with who are up to 11 years old dont seem to have grapsed yet.

I was also expected to join in with the conversations around the dinner table but not to shout, raise my voice or take over. These skills are also table manners I believe. As an adult I feel able to walk into any social situation, mingle and converse with whoever I come into contact with, have a meal with them and socialise knowing all the social graces. I have my parents and other extended family to thank for instilling these life skills.

Both of my parents were excellent cooks. Dependant on their schedules one or other of them would be in the kitchen preparing dinner, sometimes they cooked together. They set good examples of showing appreciation to people by thanking whichever one had cooked the meal and made sure my siblings and I did the same. Then they helped each other to clear the table and wash up. All part of it.

I think to instill table manners and all other kinds of manners into children from a young age is a vital life sill. It shocks me how many young children dont think to say please or thank you or show much repsect to their elders. There is also little to no respect for people in positions of authority any more, such as teachers, policemen etc. Mores the pity

lady1964

As kids, we didn't always all sit as a family for meals as my parents did shift work but we were taught good table manners, good manners in general.

Since our 3 were babies, we've always sat together as a family for dinner, not breakfast/lunch due to work/school etc but always for dinner. My dd's were often complimented on their good manners and how polite they are, which is lovely to hear. We've taken them out for family meals since they were very young and they are perfectly at home ordering their meal and using the right cutlery (if there is more than one set!).

I cannot bear the use of mobile phones the table and you know when you're in a restaurant, when I see people having their meal put on the table for them and they don't even look up to acknowledge the waiter/waitress, never mind say 'thank you' - that's so rude and offends me. If I ever caught one of my dd's ignoring serving staff, as old as they are, they would be told off in no uncertain terms

Oh and don't get me started on those who stroll through a door being held open without even acknowledging the existence of the person holding it open for them

Scrapaholic

We taught our children how to use the cutlery properly and table manners too . We also taught them not to eat with their mouths open as no one wants to see that . Now our son is always on at his boys to eat with their mouths closed . They sometimes forget but I'm sure they do it most times . I'm now sick of hearing him say to one or the other " eat with your mouth closed " There seem to be so many ways that people use knives and forks now that I hardly bother to look anymore . One friend of ours was chewing gum and drinking a glass of wine at the same time . We didn't comment on it ! If people are taught what's acceptable then they can deal with any social occasion without embarrasment .

Linda-Lou

Hi everyone, just a few comments on a very interesting thread:-

I have always believed that good manners cost nothing but mean so much, both at the table and in life. Bad manners , together with swearing, are my two pet hates. No, I'm not a prissy old lady, just happen to have certain standards. ( sorry, don't know how to put that without coming across as a prissy old lady ! )

At home when I was growing up in the late 50s / 60s, I was always expected to behave properly in public, to speak up and say hello when introdced to an adult ( don't mumble Linda, older people are sometimes hard of hearing).

At the table we always said grace ( not a religious family, but we always did this), and I always had to ask to be excused from the table. This is how I brought up my 2 ( now grown up) children, and to this day they say " Please may I leave the table, thank you for a very nice meal "

"Please" and "Thank you " are very important words ,in my opinion, and so seldom used nowadays. Early on in my career as a primary school teacher, part of our regular duty was to be in the dining hall at lunchtime,passing out the plates to the children as they queued at the servery. I never actually let go of the plate until the child said "Thank you ". This caused some confusion until they realised what I was waiting for ! Children pick these things up quickly, and soon became used to saying it. The dinner ladies were amazed - I don't think anyone had insisted on basic good manners before. I also spent quite some time showing children ( always a group at a time, so no one child felt singled out ) how to hold a knife and fork. I spent most of my day showing them how to hold a pencil correctly, so this was just another part of teaching. Some children had obviously not been shown how to handle cutlery, and I believe it to be the same today.

My DD works abroad for most of the year, working for PGL, where children go on adventure holidays. She is always amazed by the lack of manners, and delighted when she gets a "please" or "thank you", to the extent that it commented on by the other staff - ie " that boy over there just said "thank you "! How sad that good manners are now the exception rather than the rule.

I was always taught that it was bad manners to eat in the street, and still dislike seeing people rushing along, craming a sandwich / pastie into their mouth - but I do appreciate that we lead such busy lives that eating " on the go " is sometimes neccessary.

Last point, back to the table. My mum was born in 1930, the youngest of 9 children. In their kitchen were 2 tables, a large normal farmhouse table with chairs , and another table with stools for the children. They were not allowed to sit at the " big table" until they were earning a wage, and therefore "earned " the right. I wonder how that would go down these days?

Sorry for such a long post, but thank you for listening.
Take care everyone xxx

lazywife

I wouldn't say I'm a stickler for manners, but it does get me that IL's start as soon as they've the plate in front of them (whether everyone else has been served or not) and get up and rinse the plate off when they're done, even if everyone else is still eating.
Never really crossed my mind before I saw them do this that actually I've been keeping up my manners since leaving home.x

olias

I think I have good table manners, but had a disagreement with my wife the other day. We were eating a roast and the gravy was lovely, so I used a spoon to eat it and she was horrified! Apparently it is rude and very bad manners..(?) I am convinced there is nothing wrong with it, etiquette wise. What do others think?

I actually checked dubrett's etiquette to try and prove myself right (:D), but it doesn't mention it, all all it says is that using a spoon is fine when say eating the sauce mussels are cooked in, but it doesn't mention gravy.

Who is right?:p

Olias