Do table manners matter any more?

lillibet_dripping

I am seething this morning!!!
I have just watched MasterChef on catch up and wanted to congratulate Rukmini on being the only contestant to consistently serve the lady judge first, despite the fact that she was sitting furthest away from the entrance.

I have often noticed that this basic rule of table manners is ignored.

I also work in a primary school and, upon walking through the dining halll, am appalled at some of the children's table manners. Many of them hold a fork as if it's a javelin, usually at 90 degrees to the plate. The knife is upside down in their hand and many, many of them are speaking with their mouths full.

Are these children not taught basic table manners at home? In these days of convenience foods eaten on a tray in front of the television, do table manners even matter any more?

pigpen

you're meant to use a tray when you eat in front of the tv???

Manners matter in my house and I think OH is the worst culprit for poor manners though he thinks otherwise!

blossomhill_2

Yes they do matter (although I don't see why women would need serving first)

I am revolted by the Ryvita adverts where the women pinch each other's food (dipping their cracker into someone else's soup - ergh!) and speak with their mouths full, by the woman who says Wowcher while chomping with her mouth open and cheeks bulging with Chinese food, by the couples who daub cream cheese onto each other's noses, by food judges who speak with thei mouths full and by "comedy" wedding footage where, on some other planet, it is apparently funny to spoil expensive wedding outfits and other people's hard work by slapstick food fights

Never mind what's going on at home, these images are in front of children who watch TV, giving bizarre and bad examples, so I don't blame the parents

I'd never buy those products with those images in my head

m_curiousity

Why on earth should women be served first just by virtue of being female?? Either we want equality or we dont, we cant pick and choose which bits we like the sound of!

lillibet_dripping

blossomhill wrote: »

Yes they do matter (although I don't see why women would need serving first)

I am revolted by the Ryvita adverts where the women pinch each other's food (dipping their cracker into someone else's soup - ergh!) and speak with their mouths full, by the woman who says Wowcher while chomping with her mouth open and cheeks bulging with Chinese food, by the couples who daub cream cheese onto each other's noses, by food judges who speak with thei mouths full and by "comedy" wedding footage where, on some other planet, it is apparently funny to spoil expensive wedding outfits and other people's hard work by slapstick food fights

Never mind what's going on at home, these images are in front of children who watch TV, giving bizarre and bad examples, so I don't blame the parents

I'd never buy those products with those images in my head

No, I don't know WHY women are always served first, but they always have been and always will be in my house. I suspect I am of the 'old school' where a gentleman always walks on the outside of a lady in the street, where youngsters give up their seats on a bus to an older person, where a door is held open for a lady to go through first ..... the list goes on and on.

It is the way I was brought up and I have passed those same rules of etiquette and manners on to my children.

More table manners - you don't start eating until everybody has been served; the table is not cleared until everybody has finished eating; if at a formal event, you make conversation with the people sitting on both sides of you (not just the interesting one!); whilst chewing a mouthful of food, you lay the knife and fork down on the plate instead of holding it (or even worse, gesticulating with it to illustrate a point whilst speaking:eek:).......

honeythewitch

lillibet_dripping wrote: »

I am seething this morning!!!
I have just watched MasterChef on catch up and wanted to congratulate Rukmini on being the only contestant to consistently serve the lady judge first, despite the fact that she was sitting furthest away from the entrance.

I have often noticed that this basic rule of table manners is ignored.

I also work in a primary school and, upon walking through the dining halll, am appalled at some of the children's table manners. Many of them hold a fork as if it's a javelin, usually at 90 degrees to the plate. The knife is upside down in their hand and many, many of them are speaking with their mouths full.

Are these children not taught basic table manners at home? In these days of convenience foods eaten on a tray in front of the television, do table manners even matter any more?

Presumably the lady judges were there as a job that they were receiving equal pay for? So why not equal treatment?
Why are the children not taught table manners at school?

quotidian

My pet peeve is people checking their phones constantly during a family restaurant dinner. Even at home it's quite annoying, but in a restaurant...! :mad: Put it away!

lillibet_dripping

m_curiousity wrote: »

Why on earth should women be served first just by virtue of being female?? Either we want equality or we dont, we cant pick and choose which bits we like the sound of!

Hmmm. I had to ponder this one for a while before I answered. I fully believe in equality - if a woman does the same job as a man, then equal pay should be a given. Women, if they want, should be given the same opportunities as men.

However, if we are going down the 'equality route' then why don't we have unisex toilets or unisex changing rooms?

I'm simply talking about table manners. If we have a family dinner with three or four generations present, then the grandmothers will be served first, then the grandfathers, my sister, my niece, my daughter, my sons and finally myself. I've never given any thought to why it should be this way....

As I said, I know I am very old-school when it comes to manners....

livalot

honeythewitch wrote: »

Why are the children not taught table manners at school?

I do not believe it is the school's job to teach table manners! I am fed up of people constantly telling us that schools need to teach children things they should be learning at home. By the way, I am not a teacher, I am a parent and have taught table manners to my own children myself.

FLAPJACK

quotidian wrote: »

My pet peeve is people checking their phones constantly during a family restaurant dinner. Even at home it's quite annoying, but in a restaurant...! :mad: Put it away!

My wife and I and (some friends we hadn't seen in a while) went out on a saturday morning, whilst out we decided to have a coffee.

We sat down and promptly BOTH the other couple took out their phones and started texting madly.

My wife and I ended up talking to each other as if they wern't there.....I could see my wife getting irritated indeed, as this was going on for a while...not just a quick check on mails etc.

I took my phone out and text to one of them "Would you like to talk?".

It did the trick.

But looking around the coffee shop it seemed most people were doing the same...albeit on their own at the table.

Lagoon

I've never heard of the idea that women should be served first, but I think that's something that should have been left behind decades ago. Likewise, putting your cutlery down between each bite - what a waste of time!

As far as I'm concerned, if you're eating with your mouth closed and not talking with your mouth full, all is fine.

I was only taught one rule at the table - elbows kept off! As a kid I tried my hardest but when you're small it's not always easy to reach and keeping my elbows off the table often made it hard to eat. As an adult, I'll sit with my elbows wherever I like!

I'll never forget when I was twelve or thirteen. A girl in my school was a foster child and nobody would associate with her. She had a bit of a sarcastic attitude, looked scruffy and unkempt but seemed like she had a good heart. I befriended her, and within weeks I was invited to her house for food. Her foster carers were strict and old-fashioned, which I picked up on immediately, but I'd never been taught to wait for everyone to be served.

I'll never forget the moment I was served first as guest, picked up my knife and fork, cut into my food and took a bite, then looked up to find the whole family staring at me with looks of shock and disgust. Quickly learned that lesson!

Regarding tech at the table - I run a business and need to be constantly connected but I do make a point of enjoying quality time with OH. He'll use his phone when we're out and about, shopping or eating out. He knows I hate it, but he seems to think I'm unreasonable for not letting him check Facebook or sports scores.