Do table manners matter any more?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Some people need to realise that TV is only there to get you either paying the licence fee or watching adverts. Turn it off and go and do something less boring instead.

nuttyp

How about please and thankyou. When someone opens a door for you or holds it open a thankyou. If they don't say it, I often do. they are usually embarrassed.

lillibet_dripping

Lagoon wrote: »

I've never heard of the idea that women should be served first, but I think that's something that should have been left behind decades ago. Likewise, putting your cutlery down between each bite - what a waste of time!

As far as I'm concerned, if you're eating with your mouth closed and not talking with your mouth full, all is fine.

I was only taught one rule at the table - elbows kept off! As a kid I tried my hardest but when you're small it's not always easy to reach and keeping my elbows off the table often made it hard to eat. As an adult, I'll sit with my elbows wherever I like!

I'll never forget when I was twelve or thirteen. A girl in my school was a foster child and nobody would associate with her. She had a bit of a sarcastic attitude, looked scruffy and unkempt but seemed like she had a good heart. I befriended her, and within weeks I was invited to her house for food. Her foster carers were strict and old-fashioned, which I picked up on immediately, but I'd never been taught to wait for everyone to be served.

I'll never forget the moment I was served first as guest, picked up my knife and fork, cut into my food and took a bite, then looked up to find the whole family staring at me with looks of shock and disgust. Quickly learned that lesson!

Regarding tech at the table - I run a business and need to be constantly connected but I do make a point of enjoying quality time with OH. He'll use his phone when we're out and about, shopping or eating out. He knows I hate it, but he seems to think I'm unreasonable for not letting him check Facebook or sports scores.

I was always told ' all joints on the table will be carved':rotfl:

Your point about being served 'first, as a guest' is surely a part of serving hierarchy?

And I say again, I KNOW I am old-fashioned and proud of it:D

elsien

The serving heirarchy in my grandmothers house was men first. And if there were leftovers " have the men had enough. " I'm guessing this was a throwback to days of hard manual labour where it was important the wage earner had the strength to keep going. Different rules for different classes?

Grumpygit

Talking with your mouth full just annoys me - OH does it and he then moans at dd for either slouching at the table or other such minor things.

Also chewing with the mouth open - disgusting.....I don't want to see your food when it's in your mouth thank you

I went for lunch with a friend - both our dd's were there mine was about 7 and hers 6 - mine just started eating with no problem - hers - well she was on her knees at the table, was eating with her fingers, looking around, chewing with her mouth open and just wouldn't listen to her mum when she was saying don't do that........if the dd had been 2/3 then ok about on the knees etc.....I just wanted to shout at her to sit properly and eat properly but I kept my mouth shut.

honeythewitch

lillibet_dripping wrote: »

Hmmm. I had to ponder this one for a while before I answered. I fully believe in equality - if a woman does the same job as a man, then equal pay should be a given. Women, if they want, should be given the same opportunities as men.

However, if we are going down the 'equality route' then why don't we have unisex toilets or unisex changing rooms?

I'm simply talking about table manners. If we have a family dinner with three or four generations present, then the grandmothers will be served first, then the grandfathers, my sister, my niece, my daughter, my sons and finally myself. I've never given any thought to why it should be this way....

As I said, I know I am very old-school when it comes to manners....

Separate changing rooms do not discriminate against anyone.
Serving one sex first does. I think it is extremely vulgar to expect preferential treatment.

lillibet_dripping

elsien wrote: »

The serving heirarchy in my grandmothers house was men first. And if there were leftovers " have the men had enough. " I'm guessing this was a throwback to days of hard manual labour where it was important the wage earner had the strength to keep going. Different rules for different classes?

I think you are absolutely right - manual labourers needed more protein, more carbs etc. It was so important that they were well fed because they were usually the main wage earner. I also suspect it was a class thing.
Certainly, if you watch programmes like Downton Abbey, the serving hierarch exists.
I'm not sure where I got it from as we are certainly NOT upper class:rotfl:. In my grandmother's house, my grandad worked in the iron foundry and was served always served first, along with my mother's brothers. As young grandchildren, we often had bread and jam!!!

Maybe my parents had delusions of grandeur....:o

honeythewitch

livalot wrote: »

I do not believe it is the school's job to teach table manners! I am fed up of people constantly telling us that schools need to teach children things they should be learning at home. By the way, I am not a teacher, I am a parent and have taught table manners to my own children myself.

If the schools are in loco parentis they should surely be taking the place of a parent in these matters?
It does not take much effort to teach table manners and it is best done by example.
Perhaps you could raise it with the governors and suggest some teachers and parents could eat with the children to help them? This is the way it used to be when I was at school, and I cant imagine any of my teachers refusing to teach anything because they thought it "should be taught at home"

BAGGY

We serve the oldest 1st (grandad) then the youngest in case adults take the piece of meat they eat. My boys like the chicken wings the best or the drum sticks. On Christmas it's normally the cook that gets served last - me - but a that point I've picked the best bit of stuffing, pigs in blankets etc and 'hidden' the crunchy roast potato in the serving dish.

BitterAndTwisted

Good table-manners are not the same as arcane matters of etiquette. The former demonstrates respect for oneself and consideration for the others around you, and the latter a way of segregating the alleged cultured from the uncouth.

I wouldn't care whether "the ladies" are served first or the port passed to the left as long as people don't hold their silverware like savages or chow with their mouths open like a cow chewing the cud.