Do table manners matter any more?

julie2710

Table manners And in fact all manners are important to me. I can't bear people who are rude and unfortunately the ones who tend to walk through open doors and not say thank you these days tend to be more elderly people.

Although I agree that schools shouldn't be entirely responsible for table manners they should certainly be supporting good manners. I removed my DS2 from his first nursery school because of it. Mealtimes had been fine until a few months into nursery when he suddenly decided at the age of one and a half that food could be thrown on the floor if he didn't want it. I went through weeks of trying to re-train him and happened to arrive during snack time one afternoon at the nursery. All I can say is it was more like a chimps tea party :eek: There was food all over the floor and the children were taking food from each others plates:eek: I gave notice the day after!

DS2 goes to kindergarten now at the school where DS1 goes. They say grace before dinner, aren't allowed to talk at the table and are corrected if they use their cutlery incorrectly.

They also have to say their please and thank you and if the head teacher walks into the room they stand. My eldest has even corrected my brother's use of his knife and fork and my brother is 43 :rotfl:

Imp

Bad etiquette is when I use my pudding spoon for my soup. Good manners is when you do the same so that I don't notice my mistake and feel uncomfortable.

I often find that people who are very keen on correct etiquette at the dinner table make people with different standards of etiquette feel uncomfortable and out of place - manners is about not making others uncomfortable, not about following an arbitrary rule book.

In my father's family, it was correct etiquette for the wife to cut the husband's meat. Etiquette is generally a strange set of rules, manners is about making people feel good.

workpot

manners in general have gone down hill.Eating with hands and sucking each finger to death after eating whilst speaking with mouth full.Swigging out of bottles, since when did we thirst to death not having a bottle of fizzy pop in our hands constantly.Dont get me started on chewing gum yuk.Missed out eating in the street on the bus/train.

abailey54

The worst one for me is people eating with their mouth open - it makes me feel physically sick (especially when you hear it swirling around in their mouth - bleugh). Unfortunately dh does this sometimes so I have no idea how it's going to work when/if we get a little one and I'm trying to teach them not to do something their father does!

loracan1

olias wrote: »

I think I have good table manners, but had a disagreement with my wife the other day. We were eating a roast and the gravy was lovely, so I used a spoon to eat it and she was horrified! Apparently it is rude and very bad manners..(?) I am convinced there is nothing wrong with it, etiquette wise. What do others think?

I actually checked dubrett's etiquette to try and prove myself right (:D), but it doesn't mention it, all all it says is that using a spoon is fine when say eating the sauce mussels are cooked in, but it doesn't mention gravy.

Who is right?:p

Olias

The correct etiquette would be to do one of three things:
a) pull out a huge spoon from the breast pocket and proceed to slurp
b) lick the plate clean.
or c) dunk a doorstop of bread to mop it up.

HTH.

Frith

What happens if you are the only female in your house, like me? Should I put my own plate on the table first then go back for my sons'?

Didn't know anyone still followed the "Ladies first" rule!!

motherofstudents

Imp wrote: »

Bad etiquette is when I use my pudding spoon for my soup. Good manners is when you do the same so that I don't notice my mistake and feel uncomfortable.

I often find that people who are very keen on correct etiquette at the dinner table make people with different standards of etiquette feel uncomfortable and out of place - manners is about not making others uncomfortable, not about following an arbitrary rule book.

In my father's family, it was correct etiquette for the wife to cut the husband's meat. Etiquette is generally a strange set of rules, manners is about making people feel good.

This reminds me of the story about when the Queen had a banquet and the person next to her (or opposite) started to drink from the finger bowl. Others around the table looked horrified but the Queen just picked hers up and did the same.

I doubt very much that this actually happened but it does give an example of good manners.:)

merlot123

Table manners matter very much in our house.

We sit as a family for dinner each evening, the one thing which does annoy me greatly is my OH never puts his knife and fork together when he has finished his meal:mad: I will nag him for ever more on that one.

He is suffering from man flu and went to blow his nose while him and the children were sitting as I was preparing the food, no one blows noses at the dinner table, one look from me and he shot off to the utility room to blow it.

I'm the working class one, but you wouldn't know that from my husbands manners.

BugglyB

Linda-Lou wrote: »

Hi everyone, just a few comments on a very interesting thread:-

I have always believed that good manners cost nothing but mean so much, both at the table and in life. Bad manners , together with swearing, are my two pet hates. No, I'm not a prissy old lady, just happen to have certain standards. ( sorry, don't know how to put that without coming across as a prissy old lady ! )

At home when I was growing up in the late 50s / 60s, I was always expected to behave properly in public, to speak up and say hello when introdced to an adult ( don't mumble Linda, older people are sometimes hard of hearing).

At the table we always said grace ( not a religious family, but we always did this), and I always had to ask to be excused from the table. This is how I brought up my 2 ( now grown up) children, and to this day they say " Please may I leave the table, thank you for a very nice meal "

"Please" and "Thank you " are very important words ,in my opinion, and so seldom used nowadays. Early on in my career as a primary school teacher, part of our regular duty was to be in the dining hall at lunchtime,passing out the plates to the children as they queued at the servery. I never actually let go of the plate until the child said "Thank you ". This caused some confusion until they realised what I was waiting for ! Children pick these things up quickly, and soon became used to saying it. The dinner ladies were amazed - I don't think anyone had insisted on basic good manners before. I also spent quite some time showing children ( always a group at a time, so no one child felt singled out ) how to hold a knife and fork. I spent most of my day showing them how to hold a pencil correctly, so this was just another part of teaching. Some children had obviously not been shown how to handle cutlery, and I believe it to be the same today.

My DD works abroad for most of the year, working for PGL, where children go on adventure holidays. She is always amazed by the lack of manners, and delighted when she gets a "please" or "thank you", to the extent that it commented on by the other staff - ie " that boy over there just said "thank you "! How sad that good manners are now the exception rather than the rule.

I was always taught that it was bad manners to eat in the street, and still dislike seeing people rushing along, craming a sandwich / pastie into their mouth - but I do appreciate that we lead such busy lives that eating " on the go " is sometimes neccessary.

Last point, back to the table. My mum was born in 1930, the youngest of 9 children. In their kitchen were 2 tables, a large normal farmhouse table with chairs , and another table with stools for the children. They were not allowed to sit at the " big table" until they were earning a wage, and therefore "earned " the right. I wonder how that would go down these days?

Sorry for such a long post, but thank you for listening.
Take care everyone xxx

Thats interesting about your mum and the two tables.

I cook a lot for big groups of people - our house is always open at weekends for whoever wants a meal, especially on Sundays. Such a big difference in table manners and also those who ring and ask if they can bring anything, can say 'thank you, that meal was lovely' and take their plates and help, or offer to help, do the pots. Its all in the upbringing and in my experience has nothing to do with economic background or class.

I was not aware eating in public was rude. I often eat an apple on way home from gym, or sandwich on the train.

aileth

I remember being absolutely horrified when I had my first meal at OH's parents house and they just started eating before everyone had been served, as soon as they got their plate they chowed down, and questioned me why I wasn't eating. They looked at me very suspiciously when I said I always wait for everyone to be served and couldn't understand why!