Do table manners matter any more?

heartbreak_star

If it's hot food, you should begin straight away although nobody ever does when I eat out, we're all too polite lol.

HBS x

Errata

Table manners matter in some social circles but not in others. People will behave in the way that's approptiate.

bekkikay

A lot of the posher table rules regarding serving, using certain cutlery and bowls for different meals is beyond me and not really relevant to us. I think we pick and choose the aspects which suit us.
My children have to ask to leave the table, say thank you when the food is presented and afterwards. Elbows off table (no idea why) and other normal rules as well as offering to clear the table and dry up. My 9 year old has a short top lip and an overbite so he finds it near impossible to eat with his mouth closed but he still manages to be discreet about it.

squirrelchops

I got really irritated recently at a function when the other people at the table couldn't fathom out which side plate to use - now no one was under 35 so in my mind I would have thought most people should know. I wanted to shout (from the left, from the left) but just let them get on with it!

Other pet hates are breaking open rolls with a knife - no you should do this my hand. This is not as bad, however as people who use a communal butter dish and butter straight from pat to roll. Again, NO, one should take a lump of butter, put onto side plate and butter small pieces from that.

Don't get me started on correct use of cutlery and glasses. I was glad though to note that at the function every one on our table waited until everyone was served before they started eating and we had no open mouth chewing (shudder).

I am only 36 but feel like my knowledge of etiquette at the table is dying out. I know partly due to my Mum and secondly due to studying catering.

I have to say though I am a person of 2 halves (thankfully) as at home a tray on the lap goes down a treat!!!!

Torry_Quine

squirrelchops wrote: »

I got really irritated recently at a function when the other people at the table couldn't fathom out which side plate to use - now no one was under 35 so in my mind I would have thought most people should know. I wanted to shout (from the left, from the left) but just let them get on with it!

Other pet hates are breaking open rolls with a knife - no you should do this my hand. This is not as bad, however as people who use a communal butter dish and butter straight from pat to roll. Again, NO, one should take a lump of butter, put onto side plate and butter small pieces from that.

Don't get me started on correct use of cutlery and glasses. I was glad though to note that at the function every one on our table waited until everyone was served before they started eating and we had no open mouth chewing (shudder).

I am only 36 but feel like my knowledge of etiquette at the table is dying out. I know partly due to my Mum and secondly due to studying catering.

I have to say though I am a person of 2 halves (thankfully) as at home a tray on the lap goes down a treat!!!!

I always use a knife to open my bread roll and don't think it matters either way. As for the butter on the side of the plate, that's a new one on me. To be honest though I really wouldn't notice.

Mojisola

squirrelchops wrote: »

Other pet hates are breaking open rolls with a knife - no you should do this my hand.

This isn't anything to do with good table manners - it's etiquette designed to make people who aren't "our sort" and don't know "our rules" feel uncomfortable.

Some people would think picking up food in your hands and tearing lumps off it was very bad behaviour.

Errata

Elbows off table (no idea why)

Tables are for food, crockery and cutlery, not body parts.

axomoxia

Remind me never to go to dinner with you lot.

FLAPJACK

I suppose it could be said to be confusing for children these days to understand what to do at the table.

One minute Mum and dad are telling them "elbows off the table" etc (correct of course) but then to go to McDonalds/KFC and see that it's acceptable to eat with fingers.

It's difficult being a child and a parent these days.

Even eating in the street was frowned upon when I was a kid.

daska

Seakay wrote: »

They are no longer in loco parentis - they have many and varied constraints placed on them which no parent has and are actively prevented from teaching social skills and customs which might conflict with whatever is or isn't going on at home.

In the same way random adults no longer have the authority to tell children who have nothing to do with them what to do.

We'd think nothing of being told off for being noisy, running about in shops, making a mess, or whatever by any and all adults present - when was the last time you saw anyone do that? What would you expect to happen if you did?
Last time a saw someone remonstrate with a 10 yeear old who waas screaming and throwng things in the supermarket the mother suddenley showed up and tried to assault them while screaming abuse themselves.

Why should teachers take up the slack which society has created and which they get no thanks and face possible suspension, prosecution or even assault if they try?

Have to disagree with this. The Head of DS2's school would like nothing better than to have all the children lunch in the same way as they do in the ASD unit DS2 attends - he simply doesn't have the staff to accomplish this because they need lunch breaks as well.

In the unit the boys having school lunches collect theirs from the hall (except DS2 whose sensory problems make this very scary for him) and return to the unit where boys and staff all sit at one table and eat together. They wait until everyone is ready before they start and no-one leaves the table until everyone is finished (within reason of course, the unit caters for years 1-6 and there are huge variations in age/ language ability/ sensory problems etc). Correct use of cutlery and flatware is insisted on, eating with mouth open/talking is admonished and the staff prompt conversation topics that interests the boys.