Real-life MMD: Hen do, or hen don't?



  • bottay
    bottay Posts: 422 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I totally understand that it is awkward but if the mother wants to join in surely she should cough up for herself like everyone else has? I agree with others that if the daughters want to pay then that's lovely but they should not expect you girls to. I would just explain that its been hard enough to save money for you to pay for yourself, they should understand :)
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  • No

    Just like everyone one else has said maybe chip in and pay towards the bride, although I personally think its a cheek and anyone else who wants to go pay for themselves. its a bit of a cheek asking for money to pay for her mom, if she wants to go let her pay for herself not sure I would have wanted my mom on my hen do,

    instead of going on a costly weekend away why not have a small get together in the local pub, sorry but i can never understand why people want to go on such expensive hen dos
  • absolutely not!!!you should not be paying for this girls mum to go - splitting the brides costs i can understand to some extent (although i wouldnt ask that myself) but i would be making sure you are also not paying for anyone else to attend.

    i also agree with a previous poster about how expensive hen nights are getting - my friend has been asked to organise a hen and a spearate "special hen" for her friend - and both are full weekends!

    for my hen last year i had a fantastic dance class (for free- given by a friend), dinner and a dance with my friends - people paid for their own food, drinks and club entrance only -simple and effective!

    if people dont want a crazy night, a good alternative (or additional event) is a show of presents - a bit old fashioned but cheap, cheerful, good fun and a great way of getting the family involved - especially when everyone brings a cake to contribute to the spread!
  • nczm
    nczm Posts: 58 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Same thing happened to me, different location overly indulgent. After the cost going from £100-£200 we were then asked to pay an additional £30 for the hen (fair enough but should have been included up front), the hen then didn't like the venue and it got changed to another one which increased the total cost to £300 before travel and expenses. I put my foot down & said I had no way to get the extra cash but here's the money for the hen I hope she has a great time - they then went on the buy the hens mother a present and bridesmaids gifts for organising...
  • happy2B
    happy2B Posts: 28 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I agree with superfran_uk. Stag and Hen do's have got completely out of proportion. It is all very well for the bride or groom to spend lots of money on a weekend away - but it is really not on to expect other people to fork out that amount of money to celebrate someone else's event. And if a person can't really afford it, they are put in an awkward position as it is embarrassing to say so.

    The amount spent on weddings is way over the top too. Of course everyone wants their "do" to be special, but it is often the little personal touches that make it memorable, not the big extravagances. The expectations today can put long term financial pressure on the couple and/or their parents and it really is not worth it.

    How about some suggestions of ways to save money on stag/hen do's and weddings? Everyone has to decide what is important to them, of course, but there are lots of economies that really don't show.
  • Feline2001
    Feline2001 Posts: 77 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Personally I don't think you should be expected to pay for the mum! I also don't understand why people need such expensive hen dos! I'm getting married this year and am currently planning my own hen do. I am going for a meal (hopefully Frankie and Bennys) then to the theatre for a relatively cheap performance of singalonga Grease and finally for those who want to on to a pub for a few quiet drinks. I don't expect anyone to pay for anyone other than themselves including me!

    I also don't understand all the people who say they don't want their mums there, both my mum and mil to be are coming to mine and it would not be the same without either of them! But they are paying their own way! Atm I have coughed up for all the theatre tickets and if people don't offer to pay me back I won't ask them to, but I will cover that, not my other guests!

    Having said all that my partner and I are paying most of the wedding ourselves too. All parents are making an affordable contribution but this is because they want to, we would never dream of asking or expecting them to pay any of it, they have all offered, and IMO that makes their contributions even more special to us. Consequently as we are paying most ourselves we are not having an all bells and whistles wedding but we have budgeted and have enough money to pay for the things that are really important to us.
  • japmis
    japmis Posts: 452 Forumite
    Absolutely no way!!!

    *IF* you had to pay for anyone, it may be the hen, but even that (I feel) is taking the biscuit!!
  • onesixfive
    onesixfive Posts: 485 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    If you can't afford it - you dont go & brides mum can take your place - that way they don't lose out on any deposits etc.
    She's your best friend - or is she?
    She should be able to tackle her sister on this one.
    I would make a stance on this one.
    Don't go - Save your money & indulge yourself in some other way.
    Other attendees probably feel the same - have you asked?
    Is brides mum expecting to be paid for? does she know the dilema its costing you (& possibly others)? or is it an over-generous gift thats maybe not even wanted?
  • Outrageous! If the Mum wanted to come and she could either not afford to pay for herself, or the daughters could not afford to pay on her behalf, then they should have chosen a cheaper hen weekend in the first place! They are trying to guilt you into paying this by telling you late in the day once you have already confimred your place. Politely decline, and say it is an unexpected cost that you haven't budgeted for, and therefore do not have the money.
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  • keiran73
    keiran73 Posts: 8 Forumite
    The cheek of it! Hell no.
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