Real-life MMD: Hen do, or hen don't?



  • tess1758
    tess1758 Posts: 7 Forumite
    I think you should be honest and say that you can't afford to pay any more towards the hen weekend. If the mother wants to go she should pay for herself. I don't understand why they are expecting you all to pay for her. Tell her tactfully but firmly that with the cost of the hen weekend and the wedding day (gift, new outfit etc) it is already costing you enough. I actually think its a damned cheek to be even asking! If it was all of the brides friends chipping in to give her a weekend away I could understand, but it's a bit much to ask you all to pay for her mum tbh.
    Why ever should you contribute?She should pay for herself
  • crogers
    crogers Posts: 16 Forumite
    What a nerve!!! I agree with all the other posts re this subject. My son and daughter-in-law married on Easter Saturday. I contributed money towards the wedding and some was used for the Hen night. What on earth would the bride want her MOTHER there for!!!!! I wouldn't have gone, even if I had been invited. For goodness sake this is for the young people to enjoy, and having Mother there would stop some of the enjoyment, if you get my meaning.
    These Hen do's cost a lot of money these days, and that the bride is asking you all to stump up for another person, her mother, just aint on!!
    As someone said earlier, contact all the other guests, and ask them to make a stand with you that none of you are prepared to pay. If you are united together she will have to back down, or risk the Hen being cancelled as no attendees apart from herself and her Mother. Mother's are not friends, they are parents-end of!
    Sorry-rant over, but I really do feel strongly that this is a liberty taking exercise.
  • Back out of this while you still can, as you're clearly worried about your own costs, let alone others', for just one night's fun.

    It's nothing more than a downright cheek to ask you to contribute towards your friend's mother's presence and, that apart, I should have thought it was customary for the host to meet most of everyone's costs - after all, she must be the one who organized it.

    Put your money to something more useful and long-lasting, like saving for something special, or a mortgage, or just a rainy day. Don't get carried away or persuaded to part company with what you've evidently had enough difficulty putting together, so find some plausible excuse to decline the invitation.
  • gbcasual
    gbcasual Posts: 72 Forumite
    You might as well pay for the Mum as the chances are you are already paying for the bride AND her sister!!

    Of course the real answer is a definite no.
  • bogwart
    bogwart Posts: 117 Forumite
    I've never understood why new couples put themselves in hock with expensive outings and honeymoons, spending money which would help a lot more kitting out a new property. It all seems to be one-upmanship to me.

    As for the mother, I don't think so. If she wants to tag along then she should pay up herself, but I really think there are some things better left to the bride and her friends.
  • First of all - absolutely not the OP's responsibility to pay anything towards Mum coming.
    As to whether she comes at all, that obviously depends on the family concerned. I went on my elder daughter's do - she did not plan a wild expensive weekend, but a meal out with one of those boxed Murder Mystery role-play games (utterly hilarious) then off to a couple of bars for a very low key but highly enjoyable evening.
    Far from expecting anyone to pay for me, I put in a decent-sized contribution at the hotel where the meal & game took place, so all the others (and many were friends who we'd all known for years) benefitted.
    I fail to see the point of spending £100's on the hen or stag do when there are already travel and accommodation costs to the wedding itself, a present, hopefully a nice outfit - I don't know how people afford it all. Or do these friends need to show off to each other ? If you've known many of your friends since school - they already know what sort of person you are - you don't need to try & impress them.
  • 3dbc
    3dbc Posts: 2 Newbie
    weddings are expensive enough as it is, the hen trip, the outfit, the present the stay over if its not local. It is a celebration for her, not her mother (or sister) so no way pay. A true friend would appreciate that some would find it hard enough to save up the cash for themselves, never mind the hangers on. she wants them to go, they or her, should pay for themselves
  • Say: sorry, but I really can't afford any more. If they're your friends they'll understand; if not, who cares?
  • JoannaS_3
    JoannaS_3 Posts: 103 Forumite
    I agree with most other posters that the answer would be no if I were in your shoes!

    As some others have said it seems Hen and Stag do's are getting out of hand now - I think if they want big weekennds away with friends and family then the bride and groom should be paying for them!! Whatever happened to a nice meal, a bit of a dance and a few drinks?! :(
    Debt owed £4000, Saved (to pay back) £300, only £3,700 to go!!

    My best money saving tip: Good manners cost NOTHING! So please be nice to each other! :happylove
  • purpleweasel
    purpleweasel Posts: 116 Forumite
    Feline2001 wrote: »
    Personally I don't think you should be expected to pay for the mum! I also don't understand why people need such expensive hen dos! .... I don't expect anyone to pay for anyone other than themselves including me!

    I also don't understand all the people who say they don't want their mums there.

    Totally agree. Planned mine around mine & my friends' situations. Wanted my Mum & MIL to be there but knowing they wouldn't want to be out late, first went to afternoon tea. Knowing not all my mates were flush, had separate bits so that people could join us later with no problem & less expense. Most of us couldn't afford money/time away from kids for lengthy do so just one day. Those who felt like dressing up sorted their own fancy-dress. Understanding was all pay their own way.

    That saying, tried to pay my share of tea and was overruled but got them back by paying for the first round later on!

    Had a wonderful time, hope you do too!
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