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Real-life MMD: Hen do, or hen don't?

93 replies 23.3K views
Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay for hen's Mum to come?

My best friend's hen do is coming up and though money’s really tight, I’ve managed to save the large sum it’s costing to go to Manchester for an indulgent weekend. Problem is, the hen’s sister has just emailed round asking for more money to pay for their Mum to come along for the weekend too. I’m not quite sure why her Mum even wants to come, let alone why we should pay for her as well, but I feel like if I refuse, it’ll get back to my friend and it’ll cause tension. Should I pay up, or risk the enjoyment of the weekend that’s already costing so much?

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  • I think you should be honest and say that you can't afford to pay any more towards the hen weekend. If the mother wants to go she should pay for herself. I don't understand why they are expecting you all to pay for her. Tell her tactfully but firmly that with the cost of the hen weekend and the wedding day (gift, new outfit etc) it is already costing you enough. I actually think its a damned cheek to be even asking! If it was all of the brides friends chipping in to give her a weekend away I could understand, but it's a bit much to ask you all to pay for her mum tbh.
  • TigsteroonieTigsteroonie Forumite
    24.7K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Paying for the Mum? I don't think so ... I do hope you're not paying for the hen's sister either.
    :heartpuls Mrs Marleyboy :heartpuls

    MSE: many of the benefits of a helpful family, without disadvantages like having to compete for the tv remote

    :) Proud Parents to an Aut-some son :)
  • Bella73Bella73 Forumite
    547 posts
    I think if the bride and her sister want to pay for their Mum that is one thing but I don't think the other hen guests should be asked. To be honest I think that is very rude. I wouldn't pay anything towards it if it were me. Hen weekends cost enough as it is.
  • MBAC4558MBAC4558 Forumite
    1 posts
    No you should not be expected to pay for your friend's mother. Just explain that you don't have any spare cash as you've used all you money on your own expenses . Little white lie - " i could have budgeted for the extra money if i'd known from the beginning".
  • I agree with the other posters. If the bride's mum wants to go then she should either pay for herself or the bride/her sister should pay if this is not an option.
  • Flat_EricFlat_Eric Forumite
    4K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    agree with other posters. very rude ! don't contribute.

  • jefferjeffer Forumite
    222 posts
    I would be unashamedly open about this and politely refuse to pay any more. If they don't like it maybe you should be wondering whether you really need such a greedy, selfish lot as friends anyway.
  • No definitely you should not pay. I even suggest that if you can contact the other geusts, you do so and ask them to stand with you on this as it is a downright cheek. I can only think of one scenario where I might agree if I could afford to, and that is if the brides mother was fighting a serious illness, they would like to treat her and she could genuinley not afford to pay. And then of course you should be asked if you wanted to contribute not just expected to pay up.
  • PmarmaladePmarmalade Forumite
    175 posts
    Agree with the others.

    Also, I'm absolutely certain you're not the only other invitee feeling this way! Don't doubt you're alone on feeling this way! :)
  • I don't think anyone could think any differently of you for remarking that you can't afford to pay more than the originally agreed amount. It's no secret that friends earn different salaries, and have different things to budget for. Going to weddings is expensive enough already, without the hen and stag do on top. Be polite, but don't worry that you'll be judged for it.

    Between us, hubbie and I are forking out £400 for stag and hen does this year, not to mention the hotel and wedding gift for the wedding still to come. As one of the bridesmaids, I've been asked to cover a few bits like my shoes and part of the hair and beauty. Since this was agreed at the start, I don't object, but I would if I was asked to contribute last minute with no forwarning.
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