Real-life MMD: Hen do, or hen don't?



  • iclayt
    iclayt Posts: 454 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    "I'm really sorry, but I haven't budgeted for that and haven't got the spare cash". Can't argue with that.

    Sounds like mum can't afford it either - not the hens' job to cough up for her!
  • Roo200
    Roo200 Posts: 2 Newbie
    People have very different attitudes to money and often don't think that people may be unable to spare any extra - even if it's only a small amount. Be honest that you can't afford it, there is a stigma to saying you can't afford something but in this climate we should all be more honest.
  • To be honest, paying for the mum when everyone else is paying for themselves (including, I imagine, the bride herself) is a bit unnecessary, but I think the safest thing to do is say that you are sorry, but you really cannot afford it.

    Be upfront, but polite about it. You cannot afford it, so you cannot chip in. Especially if you are the best friend, she should be understanding. If she is not, then they are the ones with the problem, not you.
  • I agree with the previous posts, what a cheek to ask you to pay for their mum!

    I am getting married next year and will be paying for my own mum to join us on the weekend. I would never ask anyone else to pay any more than they have to as I know exactly how expensive it is.

    I think the bride should be grateful that you are able to spend all that money on HER special day as it is, without putting you even more out of pocket to pay for her mum. Stick to your guns and as a previous post said 'Tell her tactfully but firmly' that you cannot afford it.

    Good luck!:)
  • gerrag
    gerrag Posts: 15 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Computer says NO:-))
    Stand your ground and politely say that's it's outside your budget. I think the hen's sister has a nerve even suggesting it. Let her and the bride pay if their mum's attendance is so important.
  • Sounds like you need to talk to the hen (she's your best friend, right, so there should be no problem there with being open with her?) and ask why mother hen isn't paying for herself.
  • jackomdj
    jackomdj Posts: 3,073 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    No dilemma here - it would be a definite no!
  • florere
    florere Posts: 104 Forumite
    Politely say no, you can't afford it, tell them long you have been saving. Why isn't mum paying for herself?
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,556 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    MBAC4558 wrote: »
    Little white lie - " i could have budgeted for the extra money if i'd known from the beginning".
    tgroom57 wrote: »
    You can realistically say you can't stump up extra cash at such short notice.

    I wouldn't say things like this because it leaves you open to "Well, I'll pay for Mum to go and you can give me £x a month for the next x months until you've paid me back".

    Just say no.
  • superfran_uk
    superfran_uk Posts: 1,113 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I do NOT understand why anyone would think this is appropriate. If the mum can't afford to pay for herself maybe it's because she's bankrupted herself on her selfish daughter's wedding, but that's not your concern, or any of the other girls'.

    It brings up one of my pet peeves though. Why do hen parties have to be an event akin to the wedding itself? What is so wrong with a few drinks in town? Why do people think they're so frickin special just because they're getting married that everyone will want to give up two weekends of their own lives and hundreds of pounds gladly just to be a part of it?

    I say this as a woman who was married three years ago, and had a hen do, I went for a meal and a comedy club with friends. And no, my mother, who I do love dearly, wasn't invited!

    Say no and don't bother with an excuse! What a cheek.
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