Real-life MMD: Hen do, or hen don't?



  • Emmsie21
    Emmsie21 Posts: 93 Forumite
    I agree, don't pay - and don't feel bad about it! I wouldn't pay for the bride's mum, if she wants to go then she can pay! We didn't pay for my mum when it was my sister's wedding. Mum came on the hen do but paid for herself. Simply tell them you are sorry but you can't afford anymore, I'm sure they'll understand, like someone else has remarked I'm sure you aren't the only one feeling this way!
  • ValleysGirl
    ValleysGirl Posts: 11 Forumite
    Paying for the Mum? I don't think so ... I do hope you're not paying for the hen's sister either.

    Or, indeed, for anyone in the party other than yourself!
  • tgroom57
    tgroom57 Posts: 1,431 Forumite
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    Mum should pay for herself ! You can realistically say you can't stump up extra cash at such short notice.
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
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    How much are they asking as your contribution ?

    Frankly I think it makes the bride and her sister look tight that they won't pay for their own mother but then most mothers I know wouldn't want to go on a hen weekend with their daughter's friends anyway but I suppose if it's a spa type weekend rather than a boozey weekend it's different.
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  • I think everyone else has pretty much said it - you should not be expected to pay for mum at all, let alone short notice! We've all gone to hen dos where you've split the cost of the bride but I think even that's a bit cheeky if the bride has chosen a big expensive weekend away. Just hold your hands up, say you can't afford it. I'd even go so far and ask why you're now expected to pay for mum too - presumably she had as much notice as you all to save for herself. I would never expect my friends to pay for my mum!
  • Sazzie23
    Sazzie23 Posts: 2,634 Forumite
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    I'm assming there is a reason here that Mum can't afford to pay for herself, retired, not working or something.

    Perhaps you could say....sorry I can't afford to pay any extra, is there something we could save moneyon to make it more affordable

    ..or I could possibly pay a small amount of the next few months if it's really important, or suggest doing a car boot or something, rather than just no, since it seems important to the bride, and presumably the bride is your friend enough to want to go on her expensive hen do!
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  • ifan.goch
    ifan.goch Posts: 66 Forumite
    I agree that the bride's mum should pay for herself.

    I don't understand why some people think it odd that the bride's mum would want to come. My daughter is getting married in a few weeks and has relied on me to do a lot of the work for the wedding. She had her hen do recently, for which I also did some of the work, but I was not invited. It sometimes feels that I'm there for the work but not for the fun. We oldies enjoy a good night out just as much as the youngsters!
  • cwc1899
    cwc1899 Posts: 25 Forumite
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    Bloomin' cheek I say!
    You shouldn't be paying for anyone but yourself and that includes the bride. If someone can't afford to pay their own way then they shouldn't be going in the first place.
    All the hen parties I've been to are only to make the organiser look flash rather than have a great weekend for everybody. Very immature!
  • gj87
    gj87 Posts: 15 Forumite
    I couldn't go to a friends hen do because I was still a student at the time and the £100s it would cost was the equivalent of a months part time wages. I explained to the bride and her sister that I had very much wanted to but that the increasing costs meant I had to pull out. I later found out that the attendees were paying for the bride and her mum to attend, so I was glad I'd stood my ground and been honest. Some of the girls that went really couldn't afford it but went anyway and spent the weekend penny pinching.
    I would point out politely that the costs had been pre-agreed and that you had been budgeting for a certain amount so wouldn't be able to contribute any more. I'd be straight to the point, not apologetic and matter of fact.
  • It is very cheeky of them to ask. It may cause tension but I think there is already tension which the hen's sister has caused.
    Morally I don't think you should have to cough up but it depends how much you care about what they think!
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