Forum Home » Special Occasions & Other Celebrations

Real-life MMD: Hen do, or hen don't? - Page 2

New Post Advanced Search

Coronavirus: The latest from MSE


The MSE team is working extremely hard to keep the info we have about your travel rights, cancellation rights, sick pay (and more) up to date.
The official MSE guides: UPDATED MSE Coronavirus Guides

NEWSFLASH


New, free ‘Academoney’ course from MSE and the Open University launches
All the key areas of personal finance are covered, so that you can master your money decisions


Real-life MMD: Hen do, or hen don't?

93 replies 23.3K views
2456710

Replies

  • Emmsie21Emmsie21 Forumite
    93 posts
    I agree, don't pay - and don't feel bad about it! I wouldn't pay for the bride's mum, if she wants to go then she can pay! We didn't pay for my mum when it was my sister's wedding. Mum came on the hen do but paid for herself. Simply tell them you are sorry but you can't afford anymore, I'm sure they'll understand, like someone else has remarked I'm sure you aren't the only one feeling this way!
  • Paying for the Mum? I don't think so ... I do hope you're not paying for the hen's sister either.

    Or, indeed, for anyone in the party other than yourself!
  • tgroom57tgroom57 Forumite
    1.4K posts
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    ✭✭✭
    Mum should pay for herself ! You can realistically say you can't stump up extra cash at such short notice.

  • duchyduchy Forumite
    19.5K posts
    Xmas Saver!
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    How much are they asking as your contribution ?

    Frankly I think it makes the bride and her sister look tight that they won't pay for their own mother but then most mothers I know wouldn't want to go on a hen weekend with their daughter's friends anyway but I suppose if it's a spa type weekend rather than a boozey weekend it's different.
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding .....no problem
  • Chezza83Chezza83 Forumite
    1 posts
    I think everyone else has pretty much said it - you should not be expected to pay for mum at all, let alone short notice! We've all gone to hen dos where you've split the cost of the bride but I think even that's a bit cheeky if the bride has chosen a big expensive weekend away. Just hold your hands up, say you can't afford it. I'd even go so far and ask why you're now expected to pay for mum too - presumably she had as much notice as you all to save for herself. I would never expect my friends to pay for my mum!
  • Sazzie23Sazzie23 Forumite
    2.6K posts
    Post of the Month
    I'm assming there is a reason here that Mum can't afford to pay for herself, retired, not working or something.

    Perhaps you could say....sorry I can't afford to pay any extra, is there something we could save moneyon to make it more affordable

    ..or I could possibly pay a small amount of the next few months if it's really important, or suggest doing a car boot or something, rather than just no, since it seems important to the bride, and presumably the bride is your friend enough to want to go on her expensive hen do!
    Debt -it's a fight that I'm winning, dealing with debt one day at a time.
    Estimated DFD August 2018 - 2031 - now 2027 :T
    Guide dog Tess, missing Scotland 2 years
    DMP support no438.
  • ifan.gochifan.goch Forumite
    66 posts
    I agree that the bride's mum should pay for herself.

    I don't understand why some people think it odd that the bride's mum would want to come. My daughter is getting married in a few weeks and has relied on me to do a lot of the work for the wedding. She had her hen do recently, for which I also did some of the work, but I was not invited. It sometimes feels that I'm there for the work but not for the fun. We oldies enjoy a good night out just as much as the youngsters!
  • cwc1899cwc1899 Forumite
    19 posts
    10 Posts
    Bloomin' cheek I say!
    You shouldn't be paying for anyone but yourself and that includes the bride. If someone can't afford to pay their own way then they shouldn't be going in the first place.
    All the hen parties I've been to are only to make the organiser look flash rather than have a great weekend for everybody. Very immature!
  • gj87gj87 Forumite
    15 posts
    I couldn't go to a friends hen do because I was still a student at the time and the £100s it would cost was the equivalent of a months part time wages. I explained to the bride and her sister that I had very much wanted to but that the increasing costs meant I had to pull out. I later found out that the attendees were paying for the bride and her mum to attend, so I was glad I'd stood my ground and been honest. Some of the girls that went really couldn't afford it but went anyway and spent the weekend penny pinching.
    I would point out politely that the costs had been pre-agreed and that you had been budgeting for a certain amount so wouldn't be able to contribute any more. I'd be straight to the point, not apologetic and matter of fact.
  • It is very cheeky of them to ask. It may cause tension but I think there is already tension which the hen's sister has caused.
    Morally I don't think you should have to cough up but it depends how much you care about what they think!
    Nov Groceries: approx £90
    Dec GC: £31.93/£60 Jan GC: £33.55/£45 Feb GC: £0/£45
    Pot: Dec 195/ Jan 147/ Feb 114/ Mar 43
    Total: 499
Sign In or Register to comment.

Quick links

Essential Money | Who & Where are you? | Work & Benefits | Household and travel | Shopping & Freebies | About MSE | The MoneySavers Arms | Covid-19 & Coronavirus Support