Just hope my DD doesn't leave it too late.

coolcait

marisco wrote: »

...writing in bold capital letters. Most people know this indicates that you either have little grip of English grammar or that you are shouting at someone.

...

Sometimes.

Sometimes it is simply meant as emphasis.

I have to say that, in my view, a woman's fertility is her business, and hers alone.

Same goes for her family planning choices - be that in terms of whether or not to have a family, or in terms of contraceptive choices.

If a woman invites comment and advice on how to manage her own fertility, then that's one thing.

If another person has important medical information which could affect the woman's decisions - especially if it is about a shared family medical history - then it is important to share that information with her. And then leave her to make her own decisions.

Other than those circumstances, it's not appropriate, IMO, to offer unsolicited comments or advice about another person's fertility.

The idea of someone publicly canvassing views on how a third party should manage his/her fertility does make me uneasy. Especially when we are told that the third party has already said "stop going on about it".

[All references to 'woman' may be read as referring equally to 'man', and vice versa - except in cases where it would be biologically impossible]

zaksmum

chelseablue wrote: »

I know everyone is different but my cousin had her second child when she was 42

My best friend would like to try for a 3rd later this year and shes nearly 43

Your daughter isnt ancient yet ;-)

xx

My cousin had her first child at 17 and her second at 21.

Then a third came along when she was 48:eek::eek:

Same husband too!:)

fluffnutter

janninew wrote: »

Surely that depends on the relationship between Mum and Daughter though? When my Mum asked me when I was starting a family and to get a move on, I would never think she was appalling rude. I told her when me and my hubby had started trying for a baby, others on this thread don't think that has anything to do with anybody but man and women, I think it depends entirely on the relationship.

Seeing as the daughter has asked her mum to stop going on about it, I'm guessing the interest isn't welcome.

mumps

fluffnutter wrote: »

I don't think anyone's denying that fertility declines as you age. But do you think the OP's daughter needs her mum to point it out to her? Tick-tock! Tick-tock! You 'career women' need to get a shift on!

How appalling rude. Totally oversteps the boundaries, IMO, even between mothers and daughters.

I have often been surprised when reading a celebrity interview to hear women approaching, or even past 40, saying they want children one day but not yet. I honestly think lots of women don't realise that fertility does decrease quite sharply after 35, and it has already decreased significantly from say the early 20s. So if her mother thinks he daughter doesn't know that I can see why she would mention it. Not go on about it but make sure she has the information, isn't that what mothers do?

I think people do have different relationships, the only thing my mother ever said regarding my fertility was, "Oh no." when I told her I was pregnant, this was consistent from baby one to four. I have a very open relationship with my daughter and wouldn't hesitate to discuss fertility, babies or pretty much anything else with her, and by the way she discusses pretty much anything with me, sometimes I feel like saying "too mcuh information" but I don't want to discourage her if she feels the need to confide. I would draw the line at discussing my sexual relationship with her father as I think that would freak her out, no ones mother and father ever had sex did they?

Person_one

mumps wrote: »

I have often been surprised when reading a celebrity interview to hear women approaching, or even past 40, saying they want children one day but not yet. I honestly think lots of women don't realise that fertility does decrease quite sharply after 35, and it has already decreased significantly from say the early 20s.

I strongly suspect that some women say that because it invites less aggro then saying either 'actually, I've never really wanted them and still don't if I'm honest.' or 'I desperately want them but I haven't found a willing or suitable partner yet and its pretty devastating to think it might never happen.'

Of course, if you're talking about celebrities, age is less of a barrier as they can 'adopt' from Africa or pay a surrogate at any age.

quinechinoise

mumps wrote: »

no ones mother and father ever had sex did they?

That's absolutely correct. I was definitely derived from virginal conception. And my sibling. And now, please don't mention it ever again. My inner child doesn't want any images in her mind!! Argh!

an9i77

OP if I was in your shoes I'd perhaps wait for the subject to come up in conversation, and wait for your daughter to discuss the issue, at this point speak to her about the early menopause in the family thing and if she seems interested, suggest that if she would like you can pay for her to have an ovarian reserve test just so she knows how much time she has left and can make an informed decision (I think it's hard to get these tests on the NHS unless you've been actively trying a while). If the test comes back good, there may be a little more breathing space. If not, well it's up to her to make a decision.

But if she doesn't go there - leave it.

Although plenty of people do have babies in their late 30s and early 40s it is much harder as we all know and everything is stacked against you.

I'm pregnant with my second at 36 and think I left it late enough, i'm so relieved I didn't leave it any later.

Person_one

I'm guessing that the OP has told her daughter about the early menopause running in the family, I'd be very surprised if they'd got to the 'mum stop going on about it' stage and she hadn't!

Has she said somewhere that the daughter is unaware?

an9i77

I don't know, but in that case she should definitely wait for daughter to bring it up. If the daughter's not worried about it, she's obviously not too fussed about having kids

mumps

Person_one wrote: »

I strongly suspect that some women say that because it invites less aggro then saying either 'actually, I've never really wanted them and still don't if I'm honest.' or 'I desperately want them but I haven't found a willing or suitable partner yet and its pretty devastating to think it might never happen.'

Of course, if you're talking about celebrities, age is less of a barrier as they can 'adopt' from Africa or pay a surrogate at any age.

Or maybe they read/hear about people having babies in their late 30s or 40s and think they still have time. I got pregnant at 39 but that doesn't mean everyone can, some people on here have got pregnant in their 40s but it doesn't mean everyone can. Obviously lots of people understand about fertility dropping as we age but not everyone does. If I thought my daughter didn't know, or I wasn't sure, I wouldn't think it was terrible to mention it. It won't be an issue as we have already discussed it, no I didn't bring it up but she was talking about her plans, career etc and said she wanted a baby by 30 and she knew it would get harder after that and she didn't want to take chances. Now she just needs to meet the right man.