Update on my DD

shegirl

verysillyguy06 wrote: »

I suspect that there are more reasons for this.....:cool:

Very unlikely unless you as an adult have got your own health problems but am happy to stand corrected

Daska does have health problems/disability

verysillyguy06

shegirl wrote: »

Daska does have health problems/disability

That would explain it then. Not solely for the reasons she gave

shegirl

OP,I have now read through your previous threads.

When did things start going downhill again? I note that in august your social worker said she was doing really well and you agreed.

I also note her father was a violent man,your husband doesn't (or didn't) want your daughter,you were desperate for a baby and in august seriously wanted to adopt because you felt there were kids out there needing help and you could give it.

I know it's been said before,but could such things be effecting her?Have you seriously ever sat down and considered the impact of the past,opinions of her and your desires on her behaviour and tried to work on that and change it?

dktreesea

OP, your ideal solution seems to be to get your child taken into care, off your hands, away from your "ideal without her" family. Can you really not understand how enraged someone who is helpless, as in too young to support themselves (or receive benefits) and stand on their own two feet, is going to feel, knowing that's how you feel?

Your husband doesn't seem to want her around. I could kind of understand that, after all, she isn't his blood. But, on the other hand, he knew about her, presumably, when he married you.

You probably only have two choices. Either accept her the way she is, warts and all, and work out what you need to do within your family unit to manage those challenges, or kick her out. You want her to change. Maybe she is beyond that. As in so enraged by being abandoned within the family home (you don't actually have to literally abandon a child for that child to feel unwelcome) that she is just like a powder keg waiting to explode.

When I read this "We just need her to stop being a b***h...." I couldn't believe my eyes. You think your DD's a b---h? All of 13 years old, just a kid at heart, yet you call her a b---h?

You and your partner carry on behaving just as you are, and I would expect your DD to carry on in the same vein as at present. Maybe you should take a look at your own parenting style before expecting your child to change.

Dunroamin

dktreesea wrote: »

When I read this "We just need her to stop being a b***h...." I couldn't believe my eyes. You think your DD's a b---h? All of 13 years old, just a kid at heart, yet you call her a b---h?

If you've never been physically attacked in your own home by a teenager, I don't think that you can make this kind of comment. If it were a partner being violent the advice to "get rid" would be unanimous and, although this isn't possible with your own child, domestic violence is still something that nobody should condone - nor should they take the side of the abuser against the victim.

sassyblue

dktreesea wrote: »

When I read this "We just need her to stop being a b***h...." I couldn't believe my eyes. You think your DD's a b---h? All of 13 years old, just a kid at heart, yet you call her a b---h?

'needs to stop being' l read that as her behaviour needs to stop.

You think OP's daughter should be able to act how she likes with impunity....?

This all kicked off because the OP tried to take daughters phone away after she was calling her step dad childish things on FB. Even if this girl didn't have mental health issues she's 13 and needs boundaries. That behaviour is unacceptable, let alone the violence that came afterwards....

Mojisola

There are also two children involved in this.

If the 13 year old was an only child, I would work at the the situation for much longer before I admitted defeat.

Taking the younger child's welfare into account, I would be looking for the older sister to be moved into foster care or LA care much sooner.

The 13 year old may also be a child but she doesn't have the right to cause emotional, psychological and/or physical damage to her younger sister.

Dunroamin

Mojisola wrote: »

There are also two children involved in this.

If the 13 year old was an only child, I would work at the the situation for much longer before I admitted defeat.

Taking the younger child's welfare into account, I would be looking for the older sister to be moved into foster care or LA care much sooner.

The 13 year old may also be a child but she doesn't have the right to cause emotional, psychological and/or physical damage to her younger sister.

Or to anyone in her home.

Mojisola

Mojisola wrote: »

The 13 year old may also be a child but she doesn't have the right to cause emotional, psychological and/or physical damage to her younger sister.

Dunroamin wrote: »

Or to anyone in her home.

Of course, but as adults the parents could choose to put up with it in the hope of her behaviour changing.

The younger child can't make that choice and needs protecting from her sister.

I was writing in response to dktreesea who seems to think that darlyd should keep the older girl at home -

"OP, your ideal solution seems to be to get your child taken into care, off your hands, away from your "ideal without her" family. "

daska

verysillyguy06 wrote: »

I suspect that there are more reasons for this.....:cool:

Very unlikely unless you as an adult have got your own health problems but am happy to stand corrected

Yes I do, obviously Adult Services wouldn't be involved otherwise. But DS2 has severe sensory problems among other things which lead to violent episodes (it takes 3 adults to restrain him at school!) yet Children's Services always walk away after their assessments saying everything's fine and to ring them back when he has a diagnosis and then they will get involved. So... if everything's fine why would they suddenly become involved if he gets another diagnosis? The only difference a diagnosis would make would be to give them a name to write in a box. The needs would be exactly the same.

So forgive me if I'm more than a little cynical about the ability of Children's Services to teflon coat their shoulders whenever possible...