Should I tell her to back off?

FBaby

The whole thing current hold up. He is more or less saying that they are 'just' friends. Who text their 'friend' a 1000 text in one month?

Person_one

Don't text her, she's not the real problem here.

Get him to Relate with you, asap.

nodiscount

peachyprice wrote: »

Is that what your OH did to the colleague you were having a dalliance with?

No. But I wish he did!

I know, I deserve this. Reap what you sow...

dizzyg_2

nodiscount wrote: »

I'm not sure. I'm feeling wounded by the lies if anything.
I can accept he is human (and so is she) therefore they have made a mistake which can hopefully be nipped in the bud before further feelings develop but him lying about it has really hurt me.

He is not a bad bloke. He is a devoted father and a wonderful person. He is kind, well-mannered, thoughtful and quite good looking so I don't blame her if she fancies him.

Of course you feel wounded and I can imagine how tempting it is to text the other woman but you really need to focus on the relationship you have with your OH.

What has the relationship between you been like recently? Could this be a symptom of a bigger problem?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

nodiscount wrote: »

Did it work?

Your viewing at as the girl is the problem, she isn't - its your OH. He should be telling her to get lost because he is with you.

nodiscount

Person_one wrote: »

Don't text her, she's not the real problem here.

Get him to Relate with you, asap.

I'm not sure if she isn't the main problem.

My husband is the type to let people do what they want, don't cause a scene, must evade conflict etc. I know it would be really hard for him to appear impolite and ignore someone or to tell them to back off.
E.g. When I was a twit and started to bask in the attention I was getting from my colleague my husband never once told me off or showed me any emotion about it. He just went along with it and let me get away with it.

Now I'm thinking he is doing the same sort of thing here. Girl is texting him and he is going along with it. No excuse I know but adds context.

nodiscount

dizzyg wrote: »

Of course you feel wounded and I can imagine how tempting it is to text the other woman but you really need to focus on the relationship you have with your OH.

What has the relationship between you been like recently? Could this be a symptom of a bigger problem?

It's fine but his night shifts mean sometimes we are like ships that sail past each other. I also have an Ipad addiction that I need to sort out e.g. I come home from work and like to unwind alone with ipad. Don't want to talk to anybody. I also don't like to go out much because I am an extreme money-saver and find cinemas et all too expensive.

dizzyg_2

OP, that is an awful lot of texts for him to send just to be polite and the fact he lied to you should be an issue in itself.

It may be hard to do but you need to look at the situation as honestly as you can and put think what you would say if a friend was in this position and came to you for advice.

msb5262

nodiscount wrote: »

I'm not sure if she isn't the main problem.

My husband is the type to let people do what they want, don't cause a scene, must evade conflict etc. I know it would be really hard for him to appear impolite and ignore someone or to tell them to back off.
E.g. When I was a twit and started to bask in the attention I was getting from my colleague my husband never once told me off or showed me any emotion about it. He just went along with it and let me get away with it.

Now I'm thinking he is doing the same sort of thing here. Girl is texting him and he is going along with it. No excuse I know but adds context.

Listen to yourself and think what you'd feel if a friend said this to you about her OH.

The girl isn't the main problem because she hasn't made you any promises - whereas he has!
He is in a relationship with you.
He owes you whereas she doesn't.

And I'm sorry to say it, but nobody sends 1000 texts in a month just to go along with it...

Focus on your relationship with your OH and get yourselves talking, ideally with a counsellor. NOW!

nodiscount

I feel so sad...:(