UPDATE --- Questions about a First Date (blind date) - Please HELP

JoeyG

Do you actually want to be friends with him though?

For me it is more hurtful when a girl says she wants to be friends, when really she couldnt care less, than just to be told the truth.

Bettyboop

JoeyG, There is a chance for friendship but if he continues to want more then he will ruin it. I can't be with someone knowing all the while he wants more than that. So to answer your question...I want to be friends and nothing more!

Dithering_Dad

You've got to kiss a few frogs before you get your prince. I wouldn't write the whole dating thing off because there wasn't a "spark" with this guy, your Prince charming will turn up eventually. I would say (text) to him exactly what you put in your earlier post, that you have realised that it was still too close to your breakup and that you still love your husband, that you're sorry it didn't work out but that you really didn't know how strongly you still felt for your husband until you went out on a date. This will help save his blushes because you basically are saying, "it's me, not you". I'd then gently say that it probably wouldnt' be a good idea to keep texting because it might give him false hopes and cause problems later on.

Keep looking though. Oh, and a far as the age gap is concerned, some 40 year olds are more like 50 year olds and some are more like 30 year olds, so the chronological gap is less important than the psychological one.

I myself am pushing 40, yet look like a reallt gorgeous 29 year old studlington and yet act like an 18 year old. I would be perfect for you, well lets be honest, any women but (and try to contain your dissappointment here) I'm afraid Mrs Dither has her tallons deep in me and so I am lost to womankind forever

However, someone is out there who is right for you, so keep looking. He won't be as good as me, but you'll just have to live with that.

llh189

I have recently met a guy through internet dating, we did a very similar thing to you, it is really easy to talk to someone via the phone, or text or e-mail. We found it really easy to talk, one night we spent 7 hours talking and got no sleep, after 3 or 4 weeks we decided to meet. Because we had shared so much stuff there was an spark, he wasn't my normal type and there are lots of differences between us, but deep down there is a connection and I am a firm believer in people change over time, waistlines, hair, wrinkles and therefore emotional connections are important. But we are taking it very slowly, he has also only been single for 5 months, we have agreed work on being friends and see what happens. I have decided to try and go with the flow even though he isn't my usual type.

As a side issue a friend of mine firmly believes that you never really move on until you met someone new, I'm a bit unsure about this theory but it is worth bearing in mind.

I also agree with dithering dad, I'm 32 and my experience is that older men are much more mature than guys my age - the best relationship that I have had was with someone 10 years older than me. One of the things I worry about with my new friend is he is the same age as me - not a good sign.

MortgageMamma

Hi Betty

Sorry he wasnt your dream man, but he certainly sounds like he could make a really good friend. It is possible to be platonic friends with someone who was a potential love interest you just have to work at it, and you never know if you stay friends one day it might happen for you. I say never write someone off just because the spark is not there at day one. I was getting over someone when I met my hubby and I was a bit emotionally numb for a about a month and then I was ok.

I agree with the sentiments about age being treated as a psychological gap rather than chronological - I once fell for a man who was 50 and he was 20 years older than me and still to this day I think he is amazing and one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I think you need a little time and space to heal from your marriage break up though, or perhaps you need to consider going back to hubby if you still love him so much?

Kimitatsu

Breaking up with anyone is hard to do, and you have already stated that you are still in love with your husband.

When anyone loses a relationship, it takes time to grieve over what has been lost and as everyone is different there is no set time or magic cure. One day though you will wake up and it wont hurt quite so much and you will feel able to move on a little more.

As everyone on here has said, people come in all shapes, sizes and states of mind, so just take things one step at a time. You have just come out of a long term relationship, so take the opportunity to go back to your youth and meet lots of new people (you dont have to date them just widen your social network!).

My grandmother said to me that when you dont look for love it turns up (usually inconveniently!) and for me that was true :rotfl:

Put yourself first, if this guy respects you he will accept that you just want to be friends, if not then its his loss.