UPDATE --- Questions about a First Date (blind date) - Please HELP

MortgageMamma

Don't wear big knickers

kr15snw

Hey I met my OH through a blind date, well sort of.

Wed talked on the internet for a long time and he worked at the football clubs shop, I had seen him in there but never had the nerve to make myself known to him (like 'hello its me who youve been talking to on the net!!' It gets so busy in there that he would never just spot me). Well after months of talking I was crazy about him (and apparently he felt the same). So we agreed to meet up. Just to say hi. We actually did it at half time at the first game of the season (both footy mad). Then went out for dinner a week later and havent looked back (and we all say awwwwwww).

But in relation to yourself. How about instead of going for dinner you just maybe go for coffee? That way you can just get to meet him. If you dont get good vibes you dont go out again. If you enjoyed it then go for dinner! But I honestly think its important to just meet him first

Oh and I would get your old work mates opinion. Like if they can vouch for him being nice etc. And let you know hes not a loony (although Im sure weve all been out with one at some point!)

bees_2

Everyone's given fantastic advice but I can add something!

When you meet just plan to copy him, so if he shakes your hand you shake his etc, you might not actually end up doing this but it takes the pressure and nerves off to have some kind of plan of how you're gooing to behave to start (obviously if he's a nutter and statrts doing crazy things you don't have to copy-you can just leave!)

Also I'd try to talk on the phone to him- he might have an awful voice and you wnn't be prepared! Be safe but enjoy yourself - people forget these things are supposed to be fun!

r.mac_2

I just wanted to say good luck with whatever date you end up going on. Some great advice above and saftey is always an issue, but ultimately dates should be fun - so as someone suggested if you are really nervous why not talk to him a bit more over the phone first.

When I was dating (god there were some awful dates!!!) If I had just met someone I would suggest lunch rather than dinner - its a shorter period of time so if you decide he's not for you its easier to leave politely at the end of your hours lunch then it is after dinner - plus there is no chance of him thinking that he'll be getting lucky either!!!

Anyway - its really great that you have a date and I really hope it goes well xxx

Justie

I would go for a daytime coffee option then if you get on you can plan to do something else later on. As has been said stick to public places, make sure someone knows where you are and when you're due home and have a plan for how you're getting home so you're not reliant on a lift etc.

Text friendships are very different to real life so you're really starting from scratch.

Hope it works out though

pusscat

I would start off with something day time - no alcohol and something pretty short such as a coffe or something - that way, if you hate each other on sight you don't have to sit through a movie or dinner - there is nothing worse!!! I once went on a blind date with a really wierd midget where we had to sit through a 2 hour meal - we hated each other on sight - it was not pleasant! The midget ordered all of the most expensive things on the menu and then !!!!!!ed off leaving me with the bill! To be totally honest I was so glad he had gone that I did not mind picking up the bill.....

If the coffee goes brilliantly then you could always go on somewhere else for the afternoon - walk in the park, gallery, museum etc.

I would go 50/50 on the cost - that way there can be no misunderstandings....if it is just a coffe though I would let him pay - but if it moves to a second coffee then you pay.

Make your own way to and from the date - if he does not know where you live then keep it vague for now - until you know him a bit better.

Keep the dressing to a casual thing - better in jeans and a nice top than in full vamp mode....

Don't worry too much - most people are not nutters - but just try to get to know him a bit better before throwing your cards on the table....

Hope it goes really well

Puss

xx

Bettyboop

Hi All - UPDATE:

He called me last night. We spoke for over half an hour....and he has a really nice voice. He said the same about me. He is working away at the moment but couldn't say to much as his friend was staying in his room. He texted to say he would phone me again tonight. But he will go for a walk while doing so : ).

The colleague I worked with can be trusted. He has a variety of friends I so far believe everything he has said about his friend. Also, I am not that type who will be taking my panties off either..... I am separated from my husband but not divorced yet. I am quite a shy person and definitely wouldn't go that far.

About the date I will probably take a taxi there and back (don't have a licence at the moment)-very long story. So given that I may suggest an alternative venue other than the cinema because I don't think watching a movie for the first date will give us time to know each other. I know everyone is different but I don't really drink alchohol..... other than a reef or two once in a blue moon. So, if he was to order an alchoholic beverage would he think I'm silly for have a coke or fanta for example?

Sorry, for all these dumb questions..... It feels like I have never dated before... When I met my husband it was very different. He had an affair which is why we separated but it feels like I'm also doing something wrong because we aren't yet divorced. What do you think?

Thanks for all the thoughts so far.

Sammz

On a first date I would expect to pay for my share of whatever we do. If he insists on paying then I would accept but it would only ever be for the first date. Although, if I had no intention of seeing him again I would not let him pay. There are girls out there that go out for what they can get from men. I'd hate to be thought of like that.

If you're not a drinker then have a soft drink. If he thinks you are silly then it's his problem.

ktb

Betty you are NOT doing anything wrong! Your husband effectively ended the marriage when he had his affair and all you are waiting for now is a piece of paper so that is recognised by the law... so please stop worrying that you are doing something wrong ... you're not.

You have had some great advice already - I went on loads of blind dates in the 2.5 years that I was single before meeting my OH and definitely echo alot of what has been said.

My set up, that I worked out for them after a few, was a weekend afternoon coffee in a busy place (which I was always prepared to pay for myself but would let the guy if I liked him and he insisted ) ... and then if we seemed to get along then suggest an afternoon activity... a walk along the river or visit to a museum for example.. a couple that went really well then even progressed onto going out somewhere in the evening.

There were a a few guys whose company I wanted to be out of sharpish.. and the beauty of the daytime coffee is that it gives you an instant escape.. you're not committed to the whole evening and you havent wasted a night pointlessly.

I agree with a previous poster about the fact that you being a non-drinker really shouldnt bother anyone that is a half decent human being... if he likes you it'll be for who you are not the fact that you drink alcohol.

Good luck.. I really hope you have a fabulous time. :T

Mark7799

MortgageMamma wrote: »

Hi Betty

Let him pay. I've been out with some right tight arsed men in my time and ended up shelling out money for them for all sorts of things. I still attract that sort for some reason.

Don't let him think you are of a generous nature - Male chivalry is almost dead in my opinion, it about time men realised they have to put a bit more effort into keeping us ladies happy.

Keep your cash in your pocket and only pay half if he insists. Buy him a drink or something if you feel guilty.

On the actual dating side of things, try to get a feel (not literally!) of if he is a warm affectionate fella or if he is a "no holding hands in public" type. If the latter, and he is not tactile get rid of him, there's nothing worse an an unaffectionate straight laced man.

God I sound so negative don't I?!

Oh what a joy you sound:D

Seriously though, there's been some good practical advice offered on all posts. Adding my £0.02,

Meal & dinner is too much, just the meal
Suggest lunchtime (shorter - might also mean public transport is an option - good MSE thinking:D )
OFFER to pay towards the meal, be a good test to see if he accepts or not!
Strongly recommend the idea of a back-up plan with a friend phoning - make sure they know where you are going and that you will give them a call by a certain time to confirm you are OK (sounds OTT but can be sensible - I had an ex-gf do this to me once, it's all about being safe)
Pick somewhere that you like to go to - if the date is crap at least you'll have a good meal out of it:D