UPDATE --- Questions about a First Date (blind date) - Please HELP

Bettyboop

Hi All,

Just a quick one. A guy I have never met has been texting me for a while and I have also been texting him back. We have never met or seen a picture of each other - it's literally only been text messages. Just to clarify he is a friend of someone I used to work with.

He wants to take me out on a date. He has mentioned going for dinner and a movie which sounds great. I knew my husband 10 years (we were married for 5) so I'm a bit out of the loop of things.

I'm sure there is no way to guarantee that everything would go well but what should I avoid on the date (i.e. what shouldn't I say or do?)

Also, as he wants to go to two places I think it's fair if I pay for one of them...as I don't want him to think I except everything paid for? What do you think about this.

This really is a blind date and I'm feeling very shy and nervous. Any suggestions you can give would be great. Thanks.

UPDATE:

Hi All,

I'm really sorry for not giving you an update. I have had internet problems to no end! My provider is messing about and so far this week it has only been working on and off for less than 5 minutes.

Well this is what happened : )

On Friday afternoon I got home from the hospital (where I work), got ready and went to a friends house across the road and she wanted to do my hair. I had already straightened it and she said I looked beautiful. My date wanted to do the gentlemanly thing and fetch me. He turned up my house and didn't find my here after I had texted him to let him know where to get me. My friend came out with me to meet him. He was not at all how I imagined him to be : (. From my friends house we went for dinner and afterwards met up with my friend and her date and went for a drink in town. I was so excited about the date but I just didn't feel right around him. We talked a lot but part of me just didn't want to be with him. Now I'm sure this is not what you were expecting. I am 29 years old and he will be 40 later this year. I know many say that age is nothing but a number but this age gap is a little to great for me. All evening I felt so guilty and still do because I was in fact cheating on my husband. I wish now that I hadn't gone ahead with this crazy idea.

He has still be texting me and I told him on Saturday that I only want to be friends and would he like that? From what I am understanding from his messages is that he wants more than that. I know he likes me but I can't like someone back just because I feel sorry for them. His last message (sent lastnight), was along the lines of "Rome wasn't built in a day" and he is missing our talks and texts.

I really feel this was honestly to soon for me. I am still in love with my husband and I really thought meeting someone new would make me happy and I felt there was a possibility of moving on.....

I can't reply to the message as I don't want more than friendship. His friend who arranged out date has also phoned me twice to reconsider and tell me what a lovely guy he is....etc. All I can say is that he will meet someone someday that will love to be with him but that person is not me.

Thanks all for contributing to my post. x

bloomin_freezing

hi Betty

How exciting! Half of me loves new 'relationships' the other half loathes them! thank god i'm settled now! In my past experience i would say make sure you take enough cash to cover half (he may expect this), but if he insists on paying let him. some guys like to pay.
probably best to avoid all talk on past relationships for the first few dates.

x

MortgageMamma

Hi Betty

Let him pay. I've been out with some right tight arsed men in my time and ended up shelling out money for them for all sorts of things. I still attract that sort for some reason.

Don't let him think you are of a generous nature - Male chivalry is almost dead in my opinion, it about time men realised they have to put a bit more effort into keeping us ladies happy.

Keep your cash in your pocket and only pay half if he insists. Buy him a drink or something if you feel guilty.

On the actual dating side of things, try to get a feel (not literally!) of if he is a warm affectionate fella or if he is a "no holding hands in public" type. If the latter, and he is not tactile get rid of him, there's nothing worse an an unaffectionate straight laced man.

God I sound so negative don't I?!

Fallen_Angel_6

I agree with MortgageMamma, make him pay.

Advice

Dont get your knickers off for at least a month no matter how much you want it

Have a back up plan i.e. go into toilets and text a friend to call you to go home in an "emergency" if he turns out to be a complete minger

Be SAFE, make sure someone knows where you are, your method of transport and when you are expected home

Carry something that can do a lot of damage in your handbag or pocket

Have a few drinks before you go steady your nerves

Don't wear too much make up -he wants a woman not a clown

Dont talk about old relationships

Fallen_Angel_6

oh and wear a black top, as if you slop some of your dinner down it it won't look as obvious as a lighter colour.

tifnstav

I am a little reluctant to talk all love and roses in these situations but want to point out a few things, you've probably already heard them.
A guy I have never met - how much can you know about someone's trustworthiness from texting?
He wants to take me out on a date - should you be eating (but mainly drinking) with someone you have never met before?
he is a friend of someone I used to work with - is your former work colleague capable of verifying that person isn't a potential threat to your safety and wellbeing?
I'm feeling very shy and nervous - could you somehow be encouraged to put yourself in unsafe situations so as to prevent embarassment to yourself or him?
I don't want you to think i'm being a party pooper but you should consider meeting up with him in a group to make sure you are definitely not endangering yourself - could you ask your former work colleague to arrange a dinner party or night in with drinks?
if you don't feel you want to involve your work colleague as you don't know them well enough, are they the sort of person that you want to rely on for what is essentially someone else's character reference?
i've gone on abit there. sorry.

BusyLizzie_3

Two thoughts - I'm not exactly an expert on the subject of dates, blind or otherwise!

1) What about having a few telephone conversations with this guy before you meet him face to face? Might give you a better idea of what he's like before you actually meet him

2) I'd keep the first date short, and just do one thing (dinner?) rather than two. If it doesn't go well you're not stuck there all night and if it does you can meet up again for a second date.

Good luck - keep us posted!

Errata

Dinner and a movie? That sounds like 3 or 4 hours in each others company.
Why not meet for a drink in a busy place - cafe, bar, and see how interesting you find each other? 4 hours in the company of someone who bores you senseless would be difficult to manage.
Be kind, courteous and honest - only cheats and cowards get their mates to call them home 'for an emergency'.
Ask him for his phone number so you can talk to him on the phone and make arrangements for the what, where and when. If he's a decent bloke he won't mind giving you his number. He's probably a normal, ordinary bloke - not Jack the Ripper.

absolutebounder

Avoid alchohol its the greatest sex aid known to man.

TokochickUK

keep to public spaces .
Dont leave your drink unattended even water ( seems easier said then done) but statistics show women are drugged and abused more times then not by somebody they know.
Maybe text somebody you know at regular intervals so if something does not go right a) they will know straight away and b) it could also be a way to get out if need be.
I would also suggest talking on the phone before a date.
good luck and keep safe x

shazrobo

I met my OH thru internet dating and had seen a picture, and emailed but insisted on talkin to him on the phone for couple times to get a feeling of what he was really like. And even then our first meet was just for a coffee. luckily we both liked what we saw and eventually fell in love.

whatever u decide to do think of your own safety as previosly mentioned, make sure somebody knows where u are going and what time u are expected back

good luck x