They forgot my birthday!!

fedupnow

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I always mention my birthday in the run up, so the kids don't forget and then feel gutted.

THIS.

Mine all forgot my birthday once because I'd forgotten to remind them. My husband remembered first ... two days later ... and they all felt SO bad. I felt really sorry for them all.

But they did work extra hard to make it up to me, which was nice.

Not sure about this situation though. I'd mention it to your husband, op and test his reaction before deciding how upset to be. He might surprise you.

Pitlanepiglet

I come from a family who are rubbish at forgetting birthdays, it doesn't mean we don't care but we are all a bit prone to ringing someone and saying "I'm ringing so you can wish me a happy birthday"

I think there is a huge amount more to this than is being said, I'm always reluctant to slate the spouse who's story we haven't heard.

I also can't imagine not mentioning that it was my birthday coming up and what are we going to do - that happens in our house even though we don't have the money to buy presents - heck - I even remind my husband when I'm going to the hairdressers so that he remembers to say "your hair looks nice dear" when I come back, maybe I shouldn't have to but the only one who suffers if I don't is me!

To equal things up, I forgot our wedding anniversary this year - we've only been married 6 years but we were away for the weekend at a dinner/dance when my friend text me to wish us a Happy Anniversary for the next day - it had absolutely passed me by, I was busy, there was lots going on and I simply didn't think about it. It doesn't mean I don't love OH, it doesn't mean I don't care, it does mean that I was busy, stressed and preoccupied with some family problems though.

I find it hard to believe that your husband deliberately chose not to mention your birthday and bribed your children not to say anything either. I'd second the Relate recommendation, it does sound like you need to find a way to communicate with him - not just him with you.

sassyblue

Wine_of_the_World wrote: »

I thought your signature said £1431 of debt- but £14311 is huge so I can see how it would cause resentment if it was built up without his knowledge.

I can't see how someone can spend £14k without their partners knowledge!

Pitlanepiglet

Alwaysworried, your other thread indicates that your hubby has bailed you out twice https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4307015

If you think he's struggling to deal with the lack of trust etc. then I would urge you to get some outside help (ie Relate) swiftly.

Sommer43

sassyblue wrote: »

I can't see how someone can spend £14k without their partners knowledge!

You beat me to it, sassyblue.

If my husband ran up that amount of debt without my knowledge and fessed it up to me, I'd be looking at where I went wrong in it all. But that's just me. I can tell if my husband messes up in a heartbeat. Like not knowing where he spent £450 once on his credit card...

And if the OP has run up that much debt, then unless he's running ICI, we must remember, he did go and "treat" himself to a golf membership...

Nope, I have seen enough people who are terrified when they are messed up, scared their partners would leave them and I have seen a person who rather than tell her partner ended her life and left two small boys. Her husband defintely wished he'd been a little more understanding after that event. Some people are more intimidating than they care to realise and based on what the OP has written, her name, the way she mentioned the £15 pair of boots and how he reacted, leaving her if she does it again. She's on edge and scared and hurt, so very hurt that not one of her family remembered her birthday. I can be a hard cow, but I would never dream of hurting someone like this. Least of all a person I love.

sparklyshoe

Happy Birthday for yesterday, your family do really need you whatever you think right now, if your feeling a bit low at the mo things are going to hurt you twice as much than normal. Have this Sunday off from cooking, cleaning etc when parther or kids say where is our dinner, tell them your having a day off as you are now another year older (should get them thinking). And tell them your having next Sunday off also as its Mothers Day! (to them a reminder) Keep smiling

Sommer43

Pitlanepiglet wrote: »

Alwaysworried, your other thread indicates that your hubby has bailed you out twice https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4307015

If you think he's struggling to deal with the lack of trust etc. then I would urge you to get some outside help (ie Relate) swiftly.

Having skim read this thread (thank you) I can see that there is a problem here with spending, he should take control and do it with her, so she can see what he's doing. I make my husband look at what I am doing. He hates it when I get our money file out.

Cherry_Bomb

In the grand scheme of things forgetting your birthday doesn't really compare with what you've done. Not once but twice.

Seems only fair to forgive this indiscretion seeing as he's obviously sticking by you through yours.

DreamerV

First of all, happy belated birthday!

On a more sombre note, it does sound like either he genuinely did forget, or there are serious trust issues. Either way there are communication issues. You've come online for support, but it sounds like you've not been able to talk to him about this. From the side of it you've presented, it sounds like he needs to communicate with you more about how the debt situation has affected things, and that you need to communicate how deflated you feel about your birthday being ignored or forgotten. I think perhaps Relate would be a good idea but it all depends if you think it's worth doing, whether you think it will help etc. I do hope you get the situation sorted out to have some kind of resolution.

Edited to add: I'd be tempted in this situation to say to him something like: "I'm a bit upset that nobody remembered my birthday this week. I don't really want a present, but perhaps it would be worth having a counselling appointment instead"

sooty&sweep

Hi

Firstly Happy Birthday for yesterday !
Can I ask is it normal for your husband / family to forget birthdays etc ?
My husband could quite easily forget if it weren't' the fact half the family have a birthday near mine to remind him. He needs to be reminded about his mothers's birthday otherwise he would forget.
But you need to decide how you want this whole situation to resolve itself. From what you''ve said your husband is still angry about the debt and you''re angry about your birthday. If you''re not careful you''ll both keep feeding that anger until it takes over and poisons your marriage if it hasn't' done already.

Jen