They forgot my birthday!!

lika_86

Does he know he has forgotten your birthday? Have you mentioned it since?

maman

:bdaycake:

That's so sad alwaysworried.

It would seem your OH is trying to punish you for getting into debt or he's jus totally self-centred. You haven't said how old your children are (so it's hard to judge whether tey should have been aware) but your own family have been really uncaring too.

it's too late now but I think for next year you should drop some hints. It's my birthday in a week or so and I have brought up in conversation that I've arranged to be free on that evening (would normally have a meeting).;)

I think I'd have to be bloody minded and do a special meal at the weekend and announce this is my birthday meal as I missed out in the week. And if your family do come round with a card, thank them but tell them you were pretty down on the day. Then display the card very prominently!!

ETA: cross posted: I agree your 16 year old should have remembered.

lika_86

alwaysworried wrote: »

yes I think this is his way of "punishing me" until the debt is paid.

How was the debt accrued? If it was through odd spending here and there which gradually escalated but without anything big to show for it then I can see he might be concerned about a repeat. If it's for another reason then maybe not.

barbiedoll

So you got your family into debt (by spending all of the money solely on yourself?) and now you aren't even allowed a birthday card? Yet your debts aren't so large to prevent hubby treating himself to golf club membership, which if I understand golfing at all, probably runs to hundreds of pounds. (I don't know much about golf but I do know that it's not a cheap hobby :mad:)

Ok, so you got into debt and now you're paying the price. That doesn't mean that you should be wearing boots with holes in them or that you can't have a nice birthday (which doesn't have to mean expensive presents). If I were you, I'd be having words with hubby, you've made your mistakes, you're dealing with it but it's not helpful to keep being punished for it. It's about time that he moved on, and if he can still afford expensive presents for himself, he needs to be told that he's a selfish pig!

As for the rest of your family.....ring your mum and let rip. How rude to forget your birthday! You should let them know that this is not acceptable, there's no excuse for it (Unless there is a valid excuse, if they're ill or have problems of their own etc etc.) And don't send another card to any member of your family until they apologise!

Oh....and Happy Birthday for yesterday!

Pechow

lika_86 wrote: »

Does he know he has forgotten your birthday? Have you mentioned it since?

This-did he deliberately say and do nothing, or did he really just forget? Some people truly are that forgetful/dense and while you may hate having to remind them because "they should remember themselves" (believe me, I know that feeling) there's no benefit to being upset if they've genuinely been thoughtless.

I'd also be of the mind you should get yourself something anyway, and damned if he doesn't like it...

piglet74

Ahhh how awful...

This happened to me one year and I was raging.. I must say.

My husband said the next morn.to me "can you bring me home £XXX's to buy you a birthday present" (his bank card was broken at the time and he was waiting on a new one) and I says "can u go fk yourself.. Anything you buy me now will only be a reminder of the fact u forgot"!

So I can see where you are coming from not wanting anything now.

Sommer43

alwaysworried wrote: »

yes saving pennies the debt does still bother him and I can understand that. I wasn't expecting a gift but a card which costs less than £1.00 is obviously too much money to spend on me!

To the posted who said to buy myself a gift because he bought himself one. I won't do that, it would cause a war in our house. in the sales just after Christmas I bought myself a pair of boots because my old ones burst and they couldn't be repaired (cobbler confirmed this). They weren't expensive boots, they were from Primark, cost £15.00.

OMG the row that caused!!!! I understand I shouldn't get anything because I was the one that got us into debt, but even "happy birthday sweetheart" it doesn't cost anything. I'm just not worth that!

No, no, no.

You're frightened of this man? And you're feeling guilty because you got into debt and you didn't tell him? It always amazes me that partners of people who rack up debt then become all sanctimonious because of "not being told" yes, it is hard to fess up and admit you were in the wrong, but under no circumstances is this a licence for bullying tactics.

You need to stand up here against your husband. This is appalling. If he blows, then let him come out of it as he went into it. My husband is a hot-head, but I don't take any of that nonsense, he takes himself off to calm down and is told to remain away unless he can speak civilly.

You're being a victim and I know it's hard, it's so very hard to stand up against a bully. He bought himself a gold membership !!!!!!, for his own birthday and I play golf, it's not a cheap hobby, he will still have to pay some green fees. How much is a golf membership? I know how much mine is, it's not cheap. Nah, OP, stand up to this man. You've done wrong, you have admitted this, likely you have beaten yourself up about it and he cruelly doesn't acknowledge you on your birthday? Fcuk that. Tell this bully of a man you're going to buy him a mirror for Father's Day so he can sit down and take a good hard long look at his behaviour.

He bought himself a golf club membership, you go and damn well buy yourself something for your own birthday and wear it with pride.

Gees

Its horrible feeling forgotten, I think you should have reminded them. But belated birthday greetings

Have you got a sponge cake in the house or can you quickly pop to shops and buy a suitable cake?

Also, one candle, as we all only get one birthday each year. That will do.

Present the cake this evening. It may just prompt them to do something nice for you tomorrow.

Good job you wasn’t born on the 29th February.

Sommer43

Person_one wrote: »

Oh yuk! I hope that's a joke!

No, deadly serious. I take my MIL a bouquet of flowers on my husband's birthday. She did all the hard work...

My daughter's boyfriend gave me a card on my daughter's 18th birthday. For giving me his beautiful girlfriend. Nice chap, I hope she holds onto this one.

Idiophreak

Sommer43 wrote: »

No, no, no.

You're frightened of this man? And you're feeling guilty because you got into debt and you didn't tell him? It always amazes me that partners of people who rack up debt then become all sanctimonious because of "not being told" yes, it is hard to fess up and admit you were in the wrong, but under no circumstances is this a licence for bullying tactics.

You need to stand up here against your husband. This is appalling. If he blows, then let him come out of it as he went into it. My husband is a hot-head, but I don't take any of that nonsense, he takes himself off to calm down and is told to remain away unless he can speak civilly.

You're being a victim and I know it's hard, it's so very hard to stand up against a bully. He bought himself a gold membership !!!!!!, for his own birthday and I play golf, it's not a cheap hobby, he will still have to pay some green fees. How much is a golf membership? I know how much mine is, it's not cheap. Nah, OP, stand up to this man. You've done wrong, you have admitted this, likely you have beaten yourself up about it and he cruelly doesn't acknowledge you on your birthday? Fcuk that. Tell this bully of a man you're going to buy him a mirror for Father's Day so he can sit down and take a good hard long look at his behaviour.

He bought himself a golf club membership, you go and damn well buy yourself something for your own birthday and wear it with pride.

Bit of a one-sided assessment, I reckon... try a little empathy with the husband.

Personally, I'd be gutted if my wife revealed she'd run up a bunch of debts I didn't know about - we're supposed to tell each other everything. You know what, I'm not perfect and I can imagine myself being pretty angry about it and struggling to trust her again...Then, in the first sale that comes up after telling me about it, she runs out and starts buying herself more stuff without telling me (OP doesn't mention this, but it's hard to imagine her saying "I need to go out and buy some boots because my current ones are irreparable" and it kicking off a massive argument, especially when their finances don't seem too bad)...Yeah, I'd not be happy.

That said, I'd *never* not acknowledge my wife's birthday, however cross I was - something's very wrong there.

I'd also ground my 16 year old kid until they stopped being a self-obsessed little twerp.

Happy Birthday, anyway, OP