Less than 12 weeks pregnant club! Part 3

sophiasmum

I gave birth to dd2 in a midwife led birthing centre (not attached to a hospital) and had a great experience. For me personally I much preferred to dd1s in a hospital (induced so had to be there). Its a very personal choice - im not keen on tbe thought of too much pain relief in labour but im lucky in having straight forward labours to date. I have opted once again for birth centre ideally leaving same day.....
Last time the girl in next room was transferred by a ambulance to hospital and I must say it seemed a very practised procedure. Its all about what you are comfortable with x

wangdoodle

Thanks for the lovely welcome everyone. Congrats to those who have had their scans. It's nice to see some familiar names here from the TTC thread.

I just started to get excited about being pg but today I am spotting again. It was only the tiniest amount but now in to scared to go to the loo. I don't know what to do.

WD x

AquamarineMonkey

I'm going to have this little bean in the same hospital where I had DS (I was born there too). It's the closest, but there's 2 others not much further away. I'm not sure how it's ranked for maternity services but they were fantastic when I had DS and saved his life by being so on the ball.
They have both a midwife led unit and a delivery suite, and I'm hoping to go on the midwife led unit this time so I can have one of the pools - they only have 3 pools though so I hope there's not a baby boom of expectant mother's in July!
My existing health problems might rule out me having what I want again though so we shall have to wait and see, but I'm going to plan what I want anyway just in case everything goes smoothly this time.

Mrs T M sorry your midwife isn't taking notice of you wanting a homebirth. I'd be tempted to write it on my own notes if she didn't. I don't know if the notes have changed in the last 3 years, but there ws a section for birthing plan that you can fill out yourself, but that's not done until later on in the pregnancy.

Hope you feel better soon mysecretalias, Whilst it's amazing being pregnant it's certainly not glamourous!

Well, our announcement to our friends didn't go quite as planned last night. We got to the restaurant and were sat in the bar whilst waiting for our table. Usually the waiter comes and takes the special dietary requirements once you're seated at the table, so we wanted to announce it just before he did that. I was sat at a table in the bar with 3 of the girls, OH and the others were at the bar, and then the waiter came over to ask about the dietary requirements, there's certain foods I won't eat usually, so I piped up 'I'm pregnant and I don't eat......'. Cue the 3 girls looking at me opened mouthed they thought I was getting my usual list in - they looked at me in disbelief, questioning if it was true or if I'd just said it to make sure my other dietary requirements were taken into consideration. Once I'd assured them it was true they congratulated me and said it was nice of me to tell the waiter first before them lol. OH realised what was going on and asked if he should tell the others, but I said no, let's stick to the original plan. So once we were seated at the table we made our announcement. Just as well we did as then the breads came out, one has black pudding in, which pregnant ladies can't eat, and the waitress says 'this plate is for the pregnant ladies as it doesn't have the black pudding bread' and puts it directly infront of me. One of our friends is also pregnant. The meal was absolutely lovely. We had a great night and luckily the nausea stayed away until afterwards so I could enjoy it.

That should be last announcement until Xmas Day now. Although my Dad rang yesterday to say he's coming down mid December, so we'll probably tell him then as I'd rather tell him in person than on the phone and he's too far away to see over Xmas.

Because I never lost my bump from DS and I can't stop eating I'm showing already, so yesterday afternoon went out looking for some maternity wear as my jeans are getting a bit tight, got a lovely pair of Maternity Leggings and Maternity Jeans from Matalan. Luckily they go up to a size 20. I really struggled to find maternity clothes in my size anywhere else. I suppose they assume fat people can't get pregnant! I don't even think Evans has a maternity range.

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

6+4

AquamarineMonkey

wangdoodle wrote: »

Thanks for the lovely welcome everyone. Congrats to those who have had their scans. It's nice to see some familiar names here from the TTC thread.

I just started to get excited about being pg but today I am spotting again. It was only the tiniest amount but now in to scared to go to the loo. I don't know what to do.

WD x

wangdoodle try not panic, it may be nothing to worry about (I had the same with DS), but I would contact your doctor/out of hours service. They should be able to arrange an appointment with the EPU to have a scan to check it's not an ectopic pregnancy. That's the advice I've been given from the doctor if I bleed in this pregnancy. Did they not offer to give you a scan when you were bleeding last time or did they just say that you are pregnant because your hcg levels have risen? Hugs to you. x

Lara44

Aww big hugs (((((Wangdoodle))))), you must be feeling worried. The best thing you can do is just take things one day at a time. Did your GP tell you what to do if you started spotting again? Hang on in there for today and perhaps get an appointment with the GP tomorrow morning? In the meantime try to relax and get some distractions like a good film or a novel. I know from experience it's not easy xxx

wangdoodle

Thanks ladies. I think I'm just spooked because of what happened before. It was only a tiny bit so I think I'm going to wait and hope it goes away. If it gets any worse I'll call the EPU tomorrow and ask them what I should do. I think it's still too early for a scan (5+2) so I think I'll just have to sit tight.

Mrs_T_M

wangdoodle wrote: »

Thanks for the lovely welcome everyone. Congrats to those who have had their scans. It's nice to see some familiar names here from the TTC thread.

I just started to get excited about being pg but today I am spotting again. It was only the tiniest amount but now in to scared to go to the loo. I don't know what to do.

WD x

As some of the other ladies have said, bleeding in early pregnancy is very very common. Your body is still becoming accustomed to the fact that it doesn't need to flush itself every so often, plus your cervix is changing a bit to support the pregnancy. I had a night of sheer terror (not helped by the paramedic flat out saying I was miscarrying, even without examining me) three weeks ago (I was 5+6) when I started bleeding quite badly in the shower. Turns out everything is ok and it hasn't happened again. If you have any bad cramps even with just a bit of spotting, call them immediately. More than likely it's nothing, but feel free to call them to put your mind at ease at any time, that's what they are there for!

AquamarineMonkey wrote: »

Mrs T M sorry your midwife isn't taking notice of you wanting a homebirth. I'd be tempted to write it on my own notes if she didn't. I don't know if the notes have changed in the last 3 years, but there ws a section for birthing plan that you can fill out yourself, but that's not done until later on in the pregnancy.

Because I never lost my bump from DS and I can't stop eating I'm showing already, so yesterday afternoon went out looking for some maternity wear as my jeans are getting a bit tight, got a lovely pair of Maternity Leggings and Maternity Jeans from Matalan. Luckily they go up to a size 20. I really struggled to find maternity clothes in my size anywhere else. I suppose they assume fat people can't get pregnant! I don't even think Evans has a maternity range.

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

6+4

Eh, I'll fight that battle as it comes I suppose. If absolute worse comes to worse, but I have no life threatening complications during the pregnancy, I'll just wait until I'm in labour and refuse to go to the hospital. They can't force me, but I'd rather not need to fight that battle while in labour!

I'm a size 24 or a 26, and I'm a bit worried that I won't be able to find any maternity clothes! I'd probably only buy a belly band (which I could theoretically make I suppose) and a pair of maternity leggings so that I can just wear skirts instead of trousers, but I'd still like the option. I know that Yours has shirts that are long enough and big enough for me to wear the entire pregnancy (I have one already and I love it!), so even though it isn't technically maternity, that may be an option for us as well.

amyloofoo

becca0417 wrote: »

Just delurking to say this really.. I had my heart set on a home birth & now not allowed due to GBS. I cried for ages & am still gutted but baby comes first.
I'm probably not even allowed in the midwife led unit either!

Becca, I'm not sure if anyone mentioned before but whilst many professionals will recommend a hospital birth for GBS+ ladies, it doesn't necessarily mean you can't have a home birth. There's lots of information at this link and there are alternatives such as having IV antibiotics at home. Lots of home birth teams are fully prepared to accomodate, but it does sometimes need Mum to be a bit forceful as it's easier to just say "go to hospital"

Obviously home birth definitely wouldn't be recommended in some situations, i.e. if you went into labour before 37 weeks or if you had a prolonged rupture of membranes as it's much riskier for baby - but in most cases, having a home birth with GBS is practically as safe as being in hospital. Your personal situation would have to play a part in making the choice though, how far are you from a hospital with a SCBU? Would you be confident in recognising the signs of infection in a newborn?

I'm sure you've already considered all of this and may well have come to the decision that a hospital birth is best for you and baby so sorry if I've just been annoying I just sometimes think that professionals get into the mindset that home birthing is something we can 'allow' or not when really it's a choice and as long as the Mum has all of the information to make an informed decision, we should be nothing but supportive.

ETA: Sorry you appear to be having similar issues Mrs TM. It might be worth writing to the supervisor of midwives in advance to let them know about the poor standard of care you've rececived this far and to inform them of your plans regarding ongoing antenatal care. Do you have a mental health care co-ordinator or CPN? They can sometimes be really helpful in getting other professionals to realise the impact of conditions such as anxiety and persuade them to make better options available.

As you say, a home birth is your choice, not the choice of the hospital or your midwife, so it's good that you've already come across AIMS. Are you in an area where you can opt for 1:1 independent maternity care? I know this is being trialled in a few areas (unfortunately not where I am, but Bradford is) and they can be really helpful in facilitating home births, water births and VBACs.

Mrs_T_M

amyloofoo wrote: »

ETA: Sorry you appear to be having similar issues Mrs TM. It might be worth writing to the supervisor of midwives in advance to let them know about the poor standard of care you've rececived this far and to inform them of your plans regarding ongoing antenatal care. Do you have a mental health care co-ordinator or CPN? They can sometimes be really helpful in getting other professionals to realise the impact of conditions such as anxiety and persuade them to make better options available.

As you say, a home birth is your choice, not the choice of the hospital or your midwife, so it's good that you've already come across AIMS. Are you in an area where you can opt for 1:1 independent maternity care? I know this is being trialled in a few areas (unfortunately not where I am, but Bradford is) and they can be really helpful in facilitating home births, water births and VBACs.

The one who has helped me this far through my depression and anxiety is my GP, who I haven't seen since before I found out I was pregnant. I have no clue if he would side with me about a home birth or not though. I haven't been to therapy yet, but I should probably look into going, and soon. I can have bereavement therapy (as I've yet to deal with my dad's death three years ago), and I have already had therapy via an anxiety workshop, but that was group based and the participants didn't ever speak...

I don't know if I'm in an area facilitating 1:1, I'm in Norwich, how would I find out? I would much rather find a midwife that I like, who supports my decision to have a home birth and who will, to the best of her ability help that become a reality, that I can get to know over the course of the pregnancy and become comfortable with instead of having to meet someone new while I'm in labour.

I have fairly extreme reactions to stress and bouts of depression, even though I'm medicated. The midwife kept going on about 'happy mom, happy baby' but I don't know if she meant it or not.

I'm the kind of person that unless it is actually medically necessary (and not just because the doctor/nurse/midwife *thinks* it should be done to 'speed up' the process), will not allow any cutting, injections, antibiotics, medications, induction, etc. Our bodies are designed to carry babies and give birth, most of them do not need help in that area, just more patience! Found out yesterday that a first time mother is only 'allowed' one hour in stage two (pushing), before a c-section is automatic here! :eek:

No one had better force me onto my back to push, unless it's the position I feel that I should be in. Laying on your back makes gravity work against you instead of for you and makes you lose 30% of dilations effectiveness. Squatting *can* add up to 5 cm to your dilation, opening the pelvis more and in a more comfortable way, but it's difficult to do for a long period of time if you don't have super legs!

Sometimes I could make the biology training in me just shut up, but I know way too much about how the body works and what it can do to stay quiet.

Also, Amy, thank you for your post!

ETA: one more thing that I had forgotten to mention: If I get separated from DH for any reason, especially during a stressful time, I go into shut down mode other than being extremely sick. Even when he went on a planned overnight business trip in September, I was up all night on the toilet and didn't eat anything until he got home because I forgot to do so (plus I was feeling so bad, I probably couldn't have kept it down anyway). I knew he was going, I had lots of warning, and he called me as soon as he got there and stayed on the phone with me until he went to bed that night. And this was before I was pregnant, so add in hormones now on top of my usual reaction and it turns into a big horrid mess. I'm ok with him going into work, because that is part of our routine and I know exactly where he is.

amyloofoo

I have a feeling this is going to be a long one so sorry in advance for my ramblings :rotfl:

Mrs_T_M wrote: »

The one who has helped me this far through my depression and anxiety is my GP, who I haven't seen since before I found out I was pregnant. I have no clue if he would side with me about a home birth or not though. I haven't been to therapy yet, but I should probably look into going, and soon. I can have bereavement therapy (as I've yet to deal with my dad's death three years ago), and I have already had therapy via an anxiety workshop, but that was group based and the participants didn't ever speak...

Norwich has an IAPT service so hopefully a referral from your GP would be relatively quick and straightforward, although I know some practitioners prefer to wait until the postnatal period rather than starting therapy during pregnancy. I'm sorry that the help you've received so far hasn't been particularly useful (I do sometimes wonder if the professionals understand what they're doing when they make people with anxiety attend group sessions ), do you feel that there's something that would be more beneficial?

In an ideal world the consultant you've been referred to would already be aware of any MH issues and could work with you on a plan to properly manage your condition and stress factors during pregnancy. In reality, sometimes the provision is very patchy and if your consultant isn't helpful I strongly recommend requesting to see someone else - it may take a few attempts, but they can be helpful.

I'm the kind of person that unless it is actually medically necessary (and not just because the doctor/nurse/midwife *thinks* it should be done to 'speed up' the process), will not allow any cutting, injections, antibiotics, medications, induction, etc. Our bodies are designed to carry babies and give birth, most of them do not need help in that area, just more patience! Found out yesterday that a first time mother is only 'allowed' one hour in stage two (pushing), before a c-section is automatic here! :eek:

No one had better force me onto my back to push, unless it's the position I feel that I should be in. Laying on your back makes gravity work against you instead of for you and makes you lose 30% of dilations effectiveness. Squatting *can* add up to 5 cm to your dilation, opening the pelvis more and in a more comfortable way, but it's difficult to do for a long period of time if you don't have super legs!

Sometimes I could make the biology training in me just shut up, but I know way too much about how the body works and what it can do to stay quiet.

Have you considered working with a doula? They can help to articulate your wishes when you're at your most vulnerable and easily coerced, and remind healthcare staff of your birth plan. There's a Doula UK access fund if money is an issue and they would be able to assist either with a home birth or if going to hospital became necessary as well as difficult antenatal appointments and recommending positions, etc. There's a full list of trained and approved doulas on the website - a quick search showed a couple working in your area. Obviously your biology knowledge means you probably don't need a great deal of help in knowing your body or the best birthing positions, but sometimes even the most knowledgeable people can need another voice to insist that they're coping, their body is working as it should and everything is going fine.

Officially the policy here is to not let women push for more than an hour, but the reality is that if Mum and baby both seem relatively happy to continue, it can go on for up to 2 hours even on the delivery suite. I wouldn't be suprised if your local hospitals are the same, but obviously the risks of unnecessary interventions are reduced massively in a homebirth so it's something else to consider. I'm presuming you're not too far from your local hospital? I think sometimes it can be worth reminding midwives that a short ambulance transfer from home is no riskier than a short ambulance transfer from a midwife led unit should it become needed.

I also think the NCT classes can be helpful, particularly in helping Dads to feel as informed as the Mum and better able to support her choices. Your local branch is here and although the courses are expensive, the discounts are up to 90% for people on low incomes so don't be put off. If you let them know beforehand that you're thinking of a homebirth then they can try to get a few couples together which can be a really relaxed and supportive environment to raise concerns.

I don't know if I'm in an area facilitating 1:1, I'm in Norwich, how would I find out? I would much rather find a midwife that I like, who supports my decision to have a home birth and who will, to the best of her ability help that become a reality, that I can get to know over the course of the pregnancy and become comfortable with instead of having to meet someone new while I'm in labour.

A good place to start for anyone who wants to know their options is http://birthchoiceuk.com/ but it's sometimes best to see if there are any alternatives they've missed. It doesn't look like Norwich is trialling 1:1 care at the moment (which is a shame as initial results have shown women prefer it and it saves the NHS money ) but there is a private local group you could ask for support from, details here?

ETA: one more thing that I had forgotten to mention: If I get separated from DH for any reason, especially during a stressful time, I go into shut down mode other than being extremely sick. Even when he went on a planned overnight business trip in September, I was up all night on the toilet and didn't eat anything until he got home because I forgot to do so (plus I was feeling so bad, I probably couldn't have kept it down anyway). I knew he was going, I had lots of warning, and he called me as soon as he got there and stayed on the phone with me until he went to bed that night. And this was before I was pregnant, so add in hormones now on top of my usual reaction and it turns into a big horrid mess. I'm ok with him going into work, because that is part of our routine and I know exactly where he is.

I completely understand the anxieties about being seperated from your DH, and the perinatal period is such an emotional and vulnerable time anyway. Is your consultant aware of the MH concerns or are they simply involved because of your BMI? If they're not aware then it's worth talking to them about it as they're (in my experience) usually among the best at documenting that plans need to be put in place, and having the clout to make midwives stick to them. On my postnatal ward we've had a few ladies with anxiety who've needed to have their partners stay in with them throughout their stay and this is relatively easily accomodated on most wards - whatever they try to tell you in advance