Only child v having siblings

cr1mson

I had a horrible birth with #1 planned a homebirth and ended up with emergency c-section. Took me 6 months to recover physically and longer emotionally.

However I did go for #2 and would definitely reccommend speaking to midwife counsellor/Birth Afterthoughts service as it is totally different from speaking to your husband/reading your notes.

C

jellyhead

Oh, I didn't actually answer your question did I, because I was talking about whether to have a third child rather than a second!

My 2 have different fathers. Once we got married we wanted a child together. I don't actually think being an only child would have been a bad thing for my eldest, but I don't think my youngest would have liked it. It depends on their personalities.

Sally_A

Me and OH are both only children, and yes only have one child.

We are the chinese governments dream family, an ever decreasing pyramid.

Financially, having the one was a big hit on the purse, we were not eligible for benefits, and like you I had an easy pregnancy, but a bit of a rough ride in birth. Also, I'm not an overly maternal person: caring, common sense, practical - but not mumsy wumsy.

On the plus side, all available advantages were do-able, eg. when sports gear was needed I could spend £100 on a pair of the best trainers - not for style, but for cushioning and support to suit the sport.

Some may call it a spoilt only child; I disagree (well I would!), I say it was putting maximum effort into givjng a child the best chance in life, rather than 50% of a chance should I have had to juggle 2 children.

On the minus side, Christmasses, birthdays etc are a bit quiet, and I do get envious when I hear of big happy family gatherings (or is that only in magazines ).

Personally as an only child, with zero relatives - I sometimes feel alone, but also like the fact I don't get embroiled in all the problems and bickering.

sweaty_betty

I feel for you, I also had a traumatic birth experience (emergency c-section following an induction), not to mention the traumatic postnatal experience in hospital. I opted to read through my notes and wrote a letter to the hospital (but never sent it) about all the things that went wrong and how unhappy it made me. I wouldn't say I've got over it all, but I've made peace with it (although have very clear ideas on what I'd do if similar happened again - and will have an elective c-section next time too).

I want to have more children (well, probably just the one) because I don't want my LO to feel solely responsible for us or "put-upon" as we get older. OH is an only child and I think it's hard not to have anyone to share the responsibility with. When my mum was ill I was able to talk it through with my brothers, but my OH had no-one (other than me) and it helps to have a shared history, shared memories. Having more children does not guarantee that they'll get on or be there when needed, but it possibly increases the odds.

The other reason is that I think it's good to grow up with another child around, they may play together, learn to interact with others, share etc. I'm not saying that only children won't do this, but I just wonder if it's more lonely being the only one.

Possibly just see how you feel as time goes by. If you don't want to now, and you're pretty sure about it, then it probably isn't right to have another soon.

jellyhead

I don't think an only child would feel lonely if they had friends, cousins, etc. to play at their house and for the occasional sleepover. Also, if they went to nursery or playgroup to meet other children, or even just a few toddler groups.

Amara

I've got one lovely boy and I guess he'll be an only child. I just don't feel urge to have another and DH is perfectly happy with his "big man" , how he calls him.

angeltreats

I'm an only child and I always wished for a brother or sister. Now as an adult I live in a different country to my parents who are now elderly andI do feel terribly guilty that I'm not around to help them, it would be nice to have someone toshare the worry etc with. But mostly it was just quite lonely, even though I had plenty of friends.

At the moment we are struggling to have one child, let alone more than one, but it has crossed my mind. I think in the end it will come down to finances. If we can afford two, we'll have two.

isitenough

I've got a friend who had a nightmare pregnancy and birth with her first. (she was late 30's and her OH nearly 40). Decided then and there it wasn't going to happen again! Fast forward 2 yrs ... another difficult pregnancy/birth and another baby! BUT she and her OH are so glad they went through it. They wouldn't be without their 2 kiddies.
It's all a personal choice. I had 2 as I always knew I didn't want just one (I have a sister myself) and my OH (an only child) agreed.
You and your OH have to be on the same page.

notanewuser

jellyhead wrote: »

I don't think an only child would feel lonely if they had friends, cousins, etc. to play at their house and for the occasional sleepover. Also, if they went to nursery or playgroup to meet other children, or even just a few toddler groups.

DD won't have cousins living anywhere near us - they're a minimum of 250 miles away but she already has (what I hope will be lifelong) friendships with the children from our antenatal group, plus many friends from the groups she attends.

lucywillow

Hi, OP.
I was in a very similar situation to you. I never particularly felt the urge to have a baby but after 10 years of marriage to an increasingly broody hubby I agreed that we should let nature take it's course. 10 days later I was pregnant!! My daughter is simply the best things thats ever happened to me and I wouldn't be without her for the world. However I also knew that she was enough and I wanted to cherish her without the pressure of additional responsibilities. Luckily my husband agreed although ideally he would probably have liked more. Our daughter is now 8 and we've never regretted not having any more children, I am also an only child and I never felt lonely. It's a very individual decision but if you follow your heart you won't go far wrong.
Good Luck x