Only child v having siblings

Ladyhawk

I have a colleague with a 6 year old who has always been adement that she only wanted one. Oops! She is now 6 months long with a very big surprise package and is super delighted.

I'm one of 4 and though we are not particuarly close, I would have hated being an only child.

notanewuser

Just to clarify, I'm interested in HOW people have decided. I'm not looking for anyone to decide for me.

Person_one

notanewuser wrote: »

Just to clarify, I'm interested in HOW people have decided. I'm not looking for anyone to decide for me.

I don't think people need to be told that.

an9i77

notanewuser wrote: »

I only have snapshots of memory about the birth but I remember the absolute fear with total clarity. I remember hearing my daughter's heartbeat dropping and the consultant explaining that getting her out might damage her. I remember begging not to go back on the trace because it meant having to stay still and not being able to use my TENS machine. I just feel terrified whenever I think about it.

On a practical level I know they did what they had to to get her out, but they also warned me that it was due to my "plumbing" and that I would probably never be able to get a baby out on my own.

It was very far from the home water birth I'd planned (but also could have been far worse).

My midwives all laughed it off and said the next one would "be a doddle". I hated 2 of the midwives even before that.

Now that she's bigger, I can't imagine going back to the broken sleep and everything that goes with a newborn. And I can't see where I'd find the time for more than 1.

I too had a difficult birth with my baby's heartbeat dropping and i remember the total sense of fear that he may not make it. I had an emergency c section and he was fine. I am now pregnant with my second and expressed my fear of a vaginal birth and the midwife kind of poo pood it saying he'd been fine. Yes in hindsight he was fine, but I did not know that at the time! Also I was on a high dose of diamorphine so after they'd got the baby out I was still in panic mode and due to being paralysed from the epidural began to think I couldn't breathe properly - not nice.

I have insisted on an elective c section this time round (I am pregnant with number 2) as I don't want to have to go through that again.

Can you insist on an elective c section? Can even be done under a general if you really can't bear to be awake for the birth. They will try and talk you out of it but hold firm.

notanewuser

an9i77 wrote: »

I too had a difficult birth with my baby's heartbeat dropping and i remember the total sense of fear that he may not make it. I had an emergency c section and he was fine. I am now pregnant with my second and expressed my fear of a vaginal birth and the midwife kind of poo pood it saying he'd been fine. Yes in hindsight he was fine, but I did not know that at the time! Also I was on a high dose of diamorphine so after they'd got the baby out I was still in panic mode and due to being paralysed from the epidural began to think I couldn't breathe properly - not nice.

I have insisted on an elective c section this time round (I am pregnant with number 2) as I don't want to have to go through that again.

Can you insist on an elective c section? Can even be done under a general if you really can't bear to be awake for the birth. They will try and talk you out of it but hold firm.

I don't really want a c-section. At the moment I don't want another baby, so that's okay. Maybe if I change my mind on that a c section might be an option. I don't know.

It's not just fear of birth - it's fear of everything that happens afterwards as well!!! :rotfl:

Candlewax

We have decided not to have another one. In fact we discussed it today. We have a 5 week old and although I am concerned about our son missing out on having a sibling we just couldn't afford another. I had a miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy before him and do not want risk going through all of that again when I have a child to think of. I am 36 and hubby 43 and luckily we both agree. It must be hard if you don't agree but surely your husband should see things from your point of view, it is you who has to physically be pregnant and give birth.

Candlewax

Ha ha, yes the last hellish 5 weeks may also have something to do with our decision not to repeat the experience!

jellyhead

notanewuser wrote: »

Is it really? Siblings aren't guaranteed to get along. Our house was like a war zone for many many years!!!

Mine was too. I got on well with my brothers, and they got on with each other but none of us got along with my sister. We do now though

My mum had 4 of us and I always thought she didn't have enough time for us, but my Dad was as much use as a chocolate teapot. It would be different in a family with a hands-on father.

I've got 2, with a 9 year age gap. I had a miscarriage after my youngest was born, and after that I wanted another baby, even though I had only planned for 2.

My husband didn't want another, so we agreed to talk about it again in 2 or 3 years. Neither of us had changed our minds, so we waited another few years. 6 years after the miscarriage my husband asked if I still wanted one, but I'm not sure now. I think it would be difficult, and I don't want the pain of years of trying for a baby.

So to answer your question - we agreed to wait 2 years and see if we both still felt the same.

carefullycautious

What about adoption?

pigpen

I was an only child for many years and I hated it.. I was very lonely with just adult company, I found it hard to relate to other children and struggle still with friendships. I was desperate for a sibling or 2.

When I was 8 I grew siblings .. my dad and gf had my sister and my stepbrother joined us and I now have 9 living siblings.. I am in the middle so don't have a particularly close relationship with any of them but I love them all dearly and would do anything for any of them.

From my experience I couldn't have just 1 child, it felt cruel.. but I am very much an 'each to their own' mindset.. I think only you and your husband can decide this.