Only child v having siblings

notanewuser

DH and I have 1 daughter, who is enchanting and cheeky and the light of our lives. She's now 28 months.

I was unconvinced about parenthood for many years. I wouldn't be without DD, but equally I'm not convinced that I want any more children, for lots of reasons.

We've just spent the weekend with DH's family, including a newborn and 2 bumps and I had to endure DH's broodiness all the way home.

I had an easy pregnancy but a difficult and traumatic birth experience and I'm not very happy about the thought of going through that again.

I told DH I didn't want to think about it yet, and that I likely don't want any more and he was quite upset about that. He and his 3 brothers are quite close, whereas my sister and I are not.

I'm 35 so will have to decide one way or the other fairly soon.

So, how did you decide whether or not to stop at one?

msb5262

Hi OP,

I didn't fancy stopping at one because my mum is an only child and she doesn't rate it at all...nor do my friends who are only children. I have a sister and we fought like enraged cats until we both left home - now we are really close. I have seen how hard some things have been for my mum due to having no siblings, and I'd hate it to be like that for my kids. For what it's worth, I have three children and my sister has two.

Don't forget that your birth experience can have an impact on your birth choices if you should choose to conceive again...in other words, you could almost certainly have an elective caesarean if that would suit you better.

HTH

MsB

balletshoes

I think its a very personal decision, one that is down to each couple. Theres no right or wrong.

GlasweJen

I couldn't be without my siblings, yes we fight but we come together well and we all get on when it matters - like when my dad was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery at the end of last year. As there was so many of us (5) things weren't easy financially for my parents but we got through and we always had what we needed even if we couldn't get what we wanted (though there is a funny story about my Christmas present one year being saved up for months in relatives cigarette coupons).

Other half is an only child, mum took a long time to conceive and it just never happened again afterwards. He was well socialised and has some close friends that are like brothers to him that he met in school. He struggles in my parents house when the whole family are there and I do worry as his parents are getting on a bit and he doesn't have a sibling to share concerns with.

Either way there is no correct formula for family size as long as your family feels right for you.

notanewuser

balletshoes wrote: »

I think its a very personal decision, one that is down to each couple. Theres no right or wrong.

I agree. But what when one partner wants one thing and the other another?

balletshoes

notanewuser wrote: »

I agree. But what when one partner wants one thing and the other another?

then you need to talk, talk, and talk some more to each other.

Northern_Princess

I would agree with balletshoes it is a really personal choice.

I grew up with 2 sisters and we all fought like mad. We never have been particularly close, in fact we haven't seen each other in years.

We only every wanted one child mainly due to probably being quite selfish as we were not prepared to give up holidays abroad or our standard of living. Also we wanted DD to have all the things we never had growing up ie dance classes, to experience foreign travel, nice clothes and something that was really important to us was to privately educate her. We could never have afforded to give her all these things if we'd had another child. I used to think maybe one day I would regret not having another child, but I never have .

notanewuser

balletshoes wrote: »

then you need to talk, talk, and talk some more to each other.

We spent 8 years [STRIKE]negotiating[/STRIKE] talking before letting nature take its course (I was pregnant within the week - thanks nature!!!). OH obviously won the argument that time.

It's just not easy to compromise on this like it is with other things.

Caroline_a

Only child here - I had 3 children and they are really close now that they are adults. It's lonely being an only...

zippybungle

I'm an only child and have always been happy with it that way.
I do have 3 Kids of my own and sometimes they are so nasty to each other, but other times they are best friends .

I guess you will need to talk to your OH again about how you feel.

Zippy x

notanewuser

Caroline_a wrote: »

Only child here - I had 3 children and they are really close now that they are adults. It's lonely being an only...

Is it really? Siblings aren't guaranteed to get along. Our house was like a war zone for many many years!!!