Only child v having siblings

building_with_lego

How would you feel about adopting or surrogacy then? Is it the thought of carrying another child that puts you off or having more then one child? (No need to answer on here, of course, just something to think about.)
Have you spoken to anyone about your birth experience? I know some women find it helpful to talk through their labour notes with a midwife.

Person_one

I think its impossible to get an answer about how many children is 'best' or whether being an only child is 'better' than having siblings. Those things are so personal and subjective that you can't really apply other people's experiences to your own situation.

All I'd say is that you should never deliberately create a child you don't 100% want with all your heart. Its better to regret not having a child than to regret having one, for their sake. What if you did this because your OH wanted it and then never felt the same way about the second as the first? That could be incredibly damaging.

marisco_2

I had a trouble free pregnancy with my eldest. The birth was fine too. He was a really easy baby and he lulled us into this false sense of security that all our babies would be just like him. So we decided how nice it would be to try for another.

My second pregnancy was anything but straightforward as was the birth. My youngest child suffered from terrible eczema and allergies and didn't sleep through the night till he was nearly 5. I love him to bits and thankfully at seven he has outgrown all his eczema and allergies and is a joy to have around. In all honesty though had the youngest been my first he would be an only child.

You know your circumstances best and whether adding to your family would be a good idea or not. Keep open and honest communication between yourself and your husband and really think it through if you are not really sure about it.

notanewuser

building_with_lego wrote: »

How would you feel about adopting or surrogacy then? Is it the thought of carrying another child that puts you off or having more then one child? (No need to answer on here, of course, just something to think about.)
Have you spoken to anyone about your birth experience? I know some women find it helpful to talk through their labour notes with a midwife.

I only have snapshots of memory about the birth but I remember the absolute fear with total clarity. I remember hearing my daughter's heartbeat dropping and the consultant explaining that getting her out might damage her. I remember begging not to go back on the trace because it meant having to stay still and not being able to use my TENS machine. I just feel terrified whenever I think about it.

On a practical level I know they did what they had to to get her out, but they also warned me that it was due to my "plumbing" and that I would probably never be able to get a baby out on my own.

It was very far from the home water birth I'd planned (but also could have been far worse).

My midwives all laughed it off and said the next one would "be a doddle". I hated 2 of the midwives even before that.

Now that she's bigger, I can't imagine going back to the broken sleep and everything that goes with a newborn. And I can't see where I'd find the time for more than 1.

notanewuser

marisco wrote: »

I had a trouble free pregnancy with my eldest. The birth was fine too. He was a really easy baby and he lulled us into this false sense of security that all our babies would be just like him. So we decided how nice it would be to try for another.

My second pregnancy was anything but straightforward as was the birth. My youngest child suffered from terrible eczema and allergies and didn't sleep through the night till he was nearly 5. I love him to bits and thankfully at seven he has outgrown all his eczema and allergies and is a joy to have around. In all honesty though had the youngest been my first he would be an only child.

You know your circumstances best and whether adding to your family would be a good idea or not. Keep open and honest communication between yourself and your husband and really think it through if you are not really sure about it.

My mum says that about my sister. I was easy, she was a total nightmare. I've inherited mum's plumbing and I worry about having a high maintenance baby like she did. History repeats and all that.

littlerat

I think that people should only have children if they BOTH want them 100% - otherwise it's just a recipe for disaster. I think it's really that simple.

bagpussbear

There's no right or wrong.

I only had one child, he is 17 on Friday actually, and I have to say I never wanted another child in any of those 17 years. Hubby walked out when my son was 2, so decision somewhat taken away from me, but I had such a close relationship with my son, I genuinely did (and do, although teenage years are hard to bear sometimes!) thoroughly enjoyed my time with him, so I never felt there was anything missing by not having another child.

My ex-husband remarried and had another child, and my son really didn't like his half-sister, so often said to me mummy please dont have another baby.

So for me, and my son, that decision was the right one as it turned out.

But that's just my personal experience, and I think whatever decision you make, enjoy your time with your child, or children! the time goes so fast ...

Northern_Princess

I'm not trying to encourage you or discourage you in any way but have you thought about asking your GP or a hospital midwife to go through your medical notes of the birth with you? Sometimes having 'sketchy' memories makes things feel worse than they were. (Not that I'm for a second saying they weren't bad). If you had someone to go through your maternity notes with you and explain what happened and why perhaps it may throw a different light on things?

CH27

I've got an only child & my OH is an only child. Both of them are happy & have never wished for siblings. They have good friends & support networks.

I have a sister & we do not get on at all which causes allsorts of problems.

There's no easy answer. There are pluses & minuses for each choice.

notanewuser

Northern_Princess wrote: »

I'm not trying to encourage you or discourage you in any way but have you thought about asking your GP or a hospital midwife to go through your medical notes of the birth with you? Sometimes having 'sketchy' memories makes things feel worse than they were. (Not that I'm for a second saying they weren't bad). If you had someone to go through your maternity notes with you and explain what happened and why perhaps it may throw a different light on things?

Thanks for the suggestion. DH remembers every second, and has filled in the gaps for me. So I know what happened (and I had my notes at home for a week too so I read through those), and I know that they did what was needed at the time.

But I freeze with fear when I even think about trying that again. And that's the issue. Plus the fear of a nightmare child at the end of it!!!