Elderly disabled Dad - laundry services?

[Deleted User]

margaretclare wrote: »

Me too. And then some. How to ruin a struggling relationship - brother has already split with GF and then gone back - because no one has the b***s to say 'No' to this selfish, selfish man.

He knows the score with me. If he even asks knowing how things are with us (baby at home, wife ill etc) he will be having it.

For now, if brother and/or gf will do it then thats between them I guess. Not for me to get involved.

To be honest, I've told him and told him. I've offered to sort washing machine, offered to sort out to pay someone - nope. so hes on his own for now - I dont mention washing at all.

[Deleted User]

UPDATE:

Brother split with GF again so no free washing. Borther has moved in with old man temporarily so wonder how brother is going to manage.

Once again, keeping my head down - no way am I offering!

gayleygoo

I'm glad it's "sorted" for now, your brother can deal with the washing while he lives there!

If he moves out eventually though, could you maybe get a cheap second hand washing machine, and tell your Dad that someone you work with was "going to throw it out but was happy to give it to you instead"? You'd be out of pocket, and it's a bit dishonest, but it could encourage your Dad to try it. Tape instructions for one general-purpose program to the machine, leave washing powder, and leave him to it. If he refused this, then I think I'd give up and leave him to his hand-washing. He might eventually use the machine if he realises he can't just get female relatives to do it for him!

margaretclare

Thanks for the update, Paul. I'm not really surprised that your bro has split with GF yet again. As I suggested before, having an old man's dirty washing landed on her just because she's female was not really any encouragement to an already struggling relationship.

Years ago, pre-washing machines, we always used to send big items like sheets and towels to the laundry. I know there still are laundries which do this.

There is really no answer. Now bro is living with Dad it's really down to him and you should maybe step back.

margaretclare

cannyscot wrote: »

You could probs just advertise on the local gumtree for a local lady to pop by 1x a week and take his washing and return it clean and ironed. Maybe offer £12? My dad is getting older but still insists on wearing loads of shirts so needs to get them laundered. He drops them at mo into a laundry service but v soon I am thInking of arranging the above.

'A local lady...' but that's the point! His sister, 20 years older, used to do this and walked 2 miles! He'd even, if Paul hadn't put his foot down, expect Paul's wife, who is pregnant and works, to do this! Bro moved back in with GF recently and as a parting gift, Dad gave a bag of dirty washing for GF to do! GF has now thrown bro out, yet again. Any connection between those two events? So, he thinks it's a woman's job, any woman, doesn't matter how difficult or how inconvenient.

I can understand your Dad wanting a clean shirt every day. Although older, he still has pride in his appearance and doesn't want to be scruffy or smelly. We know several older men who still wear a tie and shine their shoes - army habits die hard.

When DH lived in a service flat he used to drop off a bag of shirts at a local laundry and pick them up at the end of the day. As mentioned, Johnson's do this kind of thing. There are still laundries which collect and deliver.

Maz

From what I can gather, Paul's Dad refuses point blank to pay for his laundry to be done and says he's not wasting his money, he also refuses point blank to have a washing machine installed. Similar instance recently with his shower, it was leaking and he didn't want to pay anything to have it fixed so he just didn't shower.

Why anyone would neglect their own personal hygiene to this extent for the sake of a few quid is beyond me, he apparently has plenty of money so it's not as if he's an impoverished pensioner either.

margaretclare

Maz wrote: »

From what I can gather, Paul's Dad refuses point blank to pay for his laundry to be done and says he's not wasting his money, he also refuses point blank to have a washing machine installed. Similar instance recently with his shower, it was leaking and he didn't want to pay anything to have it fixed so he just didn't shower.

Yes, this sums up the situation perfectly.

Why anyone would neglect their own personal hygiene to this extent for the sake of a few quid is beyond me, he apparently has plenty of money so it's not as if he's an impoverished pensioner either.

Absolutely. And, as my granny used to say, soap and water are cheap, we may be poor but no need to look poor. 'Clean but respectable' were her watchwords.

The thought of Paul's brother's GF being handed a bag of old man's dirty underpants still turns my stomach to think of. Same generation as Paul's Dad, we shower daily and washer goes on twice a week or more if required.

dandelionclock30

The brothers girlfriend if he gets back with her needs to refuse point blank to do the washing, its quite disgusting really.
I mean its not as if it just for a week whilst his was being fixed. She should have put her foot down early on.
The family need to just leave him to it, you can only do so much for a person, they have to want to help themselves.

[Deleted User]

yes, his sister has got a lot to answer for. When he first moved in she offered to do his washing, I tried to say no we'll get a washing machine but she insisted that she would do. Of course, a few years ago now she dropped off with this and this is where we are - thanks for that.

Yes Im staying out of it. Brother is there so he can sort it now not my problem.

To be honest, there is no way in a million years I would ask my wife now even in an emergency. Shes been off work since the baby and is pretty much disabled now (long term fibromyalgia) so she struggles to manage at home with the baby even when Im in work.I will EXPLODE if he even asks.

Brought up the washing machine idea again last week though. Silence. So I pushed it. Excuse- hes 80 years old he cant be expected to learn how to do things like that. Thing is he is capable hes not that bad - hes just got an idea in his head.

Sky TV he knows it all because its something that interests him. If he didnt take the time he wouldt be able to watch sport on tv. But of course, cleanliness and washing are of no interest to him so he brings out the age card.

margaretclare

Well, we are nearly 80 - I just had 79th birthday and DH will be 80 at end of year.

I've just done a course in OE (Anglo-Saxon) - see my signature. I'm learning German. DH recently did an Advanced Driving course which he passed, flying colours.

It's as you say, Paul, your Dad has no interest in learning to use a washing machine. His age is of no consequence because they're hardly rocket science. In fact they couldn't be simpler!

He thinks some woman will come along and do it for him if he waits long enough. Handing the bag of dirty washing for bro to take to his GF absolutely showed the way he thinks and what he expects.

Stick to your guns!