Elderly disabled Dad - laundry services?

[Deleted User]

rach_k wrote: »

I'd just leave them to it. Your brother is a grown up - if he wants to have dirty clothes, let him. It's a shame that your dad is finding it difficult but it's his decision.

Alternatively, would he accept a washing machine if it was free? Try Freecyle, Facebook etc. Even if you paid a bit for one, he wouldn't necessarily have to know - if he's really into being thrifty, a free washing machine would use far less water than hand-washing so it would probably save him money (well, compared to hand-washing properly anyway).

Even if it was free he would refuse to use it. Hes stuck in his ways with a lot of things and won't even try - in his head, washing machines are way too complicated and used by women. Bought him a simple to use mobile phone - left the box about twice.

Its funny because there are other things he makes the effort for. Sky TV he knows it all because he loves watching sport so hes got no choice but to make an effort or do without.

Washing machine - why bother to try if someone else does it for him?
Mobile phone - Why bother to try because its not that inconvenient for him if no-one can reach him. Only times hes used it is when he was in hospital - it suits him then to phone people to get them to visit him!

[Deleted User]

carefullycautious wrote: »

The fear my dad had of being sent back to the poverty of his childhood meant that he actually lived in poverty albeit with the money sat in the bank so that he could always pay his bills.

His flat contained a bed, chair, wardrobe, TV and small fridge nothing else. And I mean nothing else. It taught me that we don't need a lot in life.

I did his laundry for more years than I care to remember plus cooked him meals as he refused to get a cooker. His bills were so tiny as he would not have central heating on.

At one time he said he could live on 3 pound a day and bragged about this.

I do feel for you, it is so tiring trying to reason with them. My advice is not to engage with the demands and when he mentions the washing keep reiterating what you want him to do. I'm sure there is some element of control in this.

Good luck

Yep. Same with my old man. Was very poor when he was a child so likes to have money in the bank.

But in reality anyone looking at how he lives would think he was penniless.

Mojisola

[quote=[Deleted User];65521080]
Washing machine - why bother to try if someone else does it for him?[/QUOTE]

If the washing machine was there and no-one was doing his washing for him, would he eventually discover how to use it?

[Deleted User]

Mojisola wrote: »

If the washing machine was there and no-one was doing his washing for him, would he eventually discover how to use it?

Always wonder that. But the thing is having dirty clothes or having a dirty house has no direct effect on him so chances are he might just think oh well I cant do it so I cant wash my clothes.

More likely he would just ignore the machine and continue to hand wash the stuff he does now.

[Deleted User]

UPDATE:

Brother sorted things with girlfriend has moved back in with her. Leaving present from Dad was a bag of washing for him to give to her.

In a way I was hoping this would come to a head but it seems not now :-(

margaretclare

[quote=[Deleted User];65530412]UPDATE:

Brother sorted things with girlfriend has moved back in with her. Leaving present from Dad was a bag of washing for him to give to her.

In a way I was hoping this would come to a head but it seems not now :-([/QUOTE]

I'm sorry for your problems, Paul, but that was an insult to the girlfriend. Not your fault, but it just shows your Dad's opinion of women. I'm afraid, if I was the girlfriend, the bag of washing would be thrown straight back at him, your brother and Dad included.

I'd better not say any more - it makes me too angry.

Maz

I know he's your Dad and you care for him but I can't believe you're still pandering to him about this! I would have lost patience long ago and would have left him to wallow in his own muck I'm afraid.

And as for the bag of washing to give to your brother's girlfriend........words fail me. (Well, they don't but the words that ran through my mind are inappropriate for a family friendly forum ).

margaretclare

Maz wrote: »

I know he's your Dad and you care for him but I can't believe you're still pandering to him about this! I would have lost patience long ago and would have left him to wallow in his own muck I'm afraid.

And as for the bag of washing to give to your brother's girlfriend........words fail me. (Well, they don't but the words that ran through my mind are inappropriate for a family friendly forum ).

Me too. And then some. How to ruin a struggling relationship - brother has already split with GF and then gone back - because no one has the b***s to say 'No' to this selfish, selfish man.

[Deleted User]

margaretclare wrote: »

I'm sorry for your problems, Paul, but that was an insult to the girlfriend. Not your fault, but it just shows your Dad's opinion of women. I'm afraid, if I was the girlfriend, the bag of washing would be thrown straight back at him, your brother and Dad included.

I'd better not say any more - it makes me too angry.

Agree with you MC. Which is why I never ask my wife to help out - its just nuts.

Its not all how it seems though. To a certain extent GF in question is ensuring she stays in his good books it seems - she can smell money I fear.

In terms of helping out with Dad, I live 30-40 mins away, brother lives 2 mins away. I visit - he doesnt bother which is why I let him crack on with things like this.

[Deleted User]

Maz wrote: »

I know he's your Dad and you care for him but I can't believe you're still pandering to him about this! I would have lost patience long ago and would have left him to wallow in his own muck I'm afraid.

And as for the bag of washing to give to your brother's girlfriend........words fail me. (Well, they don't but the words that ran through my mind are inappropriate for a family friendly forum ).

Well yeh to a certain extent I do. I've never offered. Dont intend to.