Elderly disabled Dad - laundry services?

[Deleted User]

Cheers MC. you are indeed a star.

Wish my old man would be more like you. He just doesnt seem to care and uses age as an excuse at times.

margaretclare

Paul, you're right, age is just an excuse. OK, I know that there are many people our age, and younger, who are suffering from mental deterioration due to dementia but your Dad hasn't got that 'excuse'. It's just the way he is.

I haven't yet got to grips with a smartphone but then, I don't need one. We each have our mobiles which we use to make and receive phone calls. We haven't got Sky TV - we use TalkTalk. But you do from time to time hear things, like a woman who said to me recently 'but we always used to manage without mobile phones, why do we need them?' Well, they are/can be a lifesaver....but that obviously didn't register with the person concerned.

Mojisola

margaretclare wrote: »

But you do from time to time hear things, like a woman who said to me recently 'but we always used to manage without mobile phones, why do we need them?'

"We always used to manage without ....." - I've heard versions of this from older people as well.

Previous generations used to manage without indoor toilets, phones in the home, central heating, the NHS, etc. I doubt many of them who say this would like to go back to living like that.

I saw with Mum and Dad that it did get harder to cope with new things as they got a lot older but there's a difference between 'not being capable' and 'not wanting to try'. Attitude has a lot to do with how well we manage as we get older - some people act old long before they're really old and other oldies stay mentally young.

margaretclare

Mojisola wrote: »

"We always used to manage without ....." - I've heard versions of this from older people as well.

Previous generations used to manage without indoor toilets, phones in the home, central heating, the NHS, etc. I doubt many of them who say this would like to go back to living like that.

I saw with Mum and Dad that it did get harder to cope with new things as they got a lot older but there's a difference between 'not being capable' and 'not wanting to try'. Attitude has a lot to do with how well we manage as we get older - some people act old long before they're really old and other oldies stay mentally young.

Oh yes. There's a very long list of 'things we used to manage without' simply because they weren't available.

In the early 60s for me making a phone call meant loading 2 littlies into a pushchair and walking half a mile to the phone box in the village. Now, young mums are glued to their phones!

We do online banking, online shopping (Tesco delivery just arrived, what a godsend!) but I have a friend who's only just 50 and she still goes to the bank because she 'doesn't trust' doing it online. With the busy life that she leads I've suggested it would be a godsend to her, but no.

Living in a village, years ago, we used to get groceries delivered, but someone used to come and take the order.

We didn't even have plumbing - would I want to go back? Never!

margaretclare

Mojisola wrote: »

"We always used to manage without ....." - I've heard versions of this from older people as well.

Previous generations used to manage without indoor toilets, phones in the home, central heating, the NHS, etc. I doubt many of them who say this would like to go back to living like that.

I saw with Mum and Dad that it did get harder to cope with new things as they got a lot older but there's a difference between 'not being capable' and 'not wanting to try'. Attitude has a lot to do with how well we manage as we get older - some people act old long before they're really old and other oldies stay mentally young.

A confession - I haven't yet got to grips with a smartphone, which seem to be in common use even among primary school children.

DH isn't much in favour - he thinks they would be a waste of money. So long as we have our mobiles that's all we need. Mobile has proved to be a life-saver on more than one occasion, for example when he fell over in the garden and attempted to dislodge a tree-root with his head. 'Come and help me get up!'

I really wish we had had GPS all those years ago when I had to find addresses and was sometimes given 'The Old Cottage' as the only address in a particular village which was full of old cottages. Or even a mobile when I was miles from anywhere and the car broke down or got stuck in a snowstorm.

Yes, things are getting harder to cope with. This summer since May (1) cutting the grass and (2) going round the supermarket.

[Deleted User]

UPDATE

Brother has now moved out into his own flat. No washing machine but launderette near by. Dad gave him a bag day he moved out lol. Im letting them get on with it!

The next big issue is the stairs. He lives in a flat which has stairs up to living room front front door and then stairs again up to bedroom. At the moment, hes really struggling with them.

Wife and I tried to sit him down and said it might be an idea to try and maybe flat swap in the same block to get a ground floor. His answer - no way am I moving and he started to kick off.

Pointed out his legs werent getting better and eventually it would be an issue so maybe a chair life would be an idea. His answer no way am I paying for one of those.

I've asked him what hes got in mind then as he gets older. His answer - Ill manage. The utter stupidity is really getting to me now.

This weekend was his 80th birthday and he never ceases to amaze me. He didnt want a party so we went for a quiet family meal. Harvester mind - he would have kicked off for anything 'expensive' (even though brother and I were paying).

My son (10) picked out a balloon with 80 on for him which we took to the pub. As soon as he saw it he went mad, slammed closed the box and said we were embarrassing him, he didnt want a fuss etc. (This harvester is 15 miles from home - no chance of him knowing anyone!). He then nastily said to me dont open that box whatever you do!

Made it worse then when we took the balloon home for him. He said I don't want, get it away, and take it with you.

I could see my wife - she nearly exploded with rage. I must admit I am appalled at his attitude. How on earth can getting a balloon out in a restaurant be embarrassing? Am I missing something here? What an awful attitude - its something I'd expect from my 10 year old son to be honest.

I really don't know what to do with him these days.....

Lucky I didn't get the strippers with the whipped cream I guess :-)

elsien

[quote=[Deleted User];66326048]

Brought up the washing machine idea again last week though. Silence. So I pushed it. Excuse- hes 80 years old he cant be expected to learn how to do things like that. Thing is he is capable hes not that bad - hes just got an idea in his head.

[/QUOTE]

Tell him you can colour code it. Basic 40 degree all purpose wash, just needs one sticker on to tell him where to point the dial. If he quibbles tell him that people with learning disabilities (the people I work with) can manage it just fine so he's got no excuse.

[Deleted User]

elsien wrote: »

Tell him you can colour code it. Basic 40 degree all purpose wash, just needs one sticker on to tell him where to point the dial. If he quibbles tell him that people with learning disabilities (the people I work with) can manage it just fine so he's got no excuse.

But people with learning difficulties make an effort. My old man thinks he can sit in his flat, and everything magically happens and nothing needs to be sorted.

HPoirot

Growing into a curmudgeon in his old age. It would help if he actually went out to take in how the world has moved on. But I guess you can't make him.

elsien

Yes, but it gets his "I'm too old to learn" excuse out of the way. I think you've done all you can, and it's down to him now for good or ill.
He's lucky you still visit at all if that's how he behaves on his birthday - I think you have more tolerance than I would.
Do you think there's a possibility he's trying to drive people away and it's a sign of an underlying mental health problem. Or is he just a cantankerous old so-and-so>