Elderly disabled Dad - laundry services?

[Deleted User]

Maz wrote: »

Paul, two questions.
1) What is your Dad's disability?
2) Has he had any contact or is known to adult social services?

My job is front line adult social services and I may have a few suggestions depending on the answers to the above Qs. If you don't want to disclose this info publicly you can PM me.

1.) Can only walk short distance with aid of stick. Due to knackered knees and hips. Also, partially sighted - no sight in one eye.

2.) Yes, a few years ago he got a grant from social services to replace his bath with a walk-in shower.

I remember the shower struggle too. Couldnt get in and out of bath so just didnt bother washing. Had the old - I'll manage thing again. Now he admits its great.

Maz

This could be a long post in response but I hope it helps!

If he's known to SS and has a recognised disability that's a good start, I hope it indicates that he's responsive to outside (from the family) help.

Given your Dad's reluctance to respond to family suggestions to spend his own money on his creature comforts, I've found the following recommendations to work well.

If your Dad is finding the stairs in his home a challenge, you might want to suggest that he has an everyday living needs assessment from an occupational therapist with a view to installing grab rails to support him on the stairs. The council I work for do this at no cost to the resident but you might want to check out your council's policy on this beforehand.

If your Dad is agreeable to an assessment, you can request this on his behalf. But he HAS to give his consent to this otherwise SS won't be able to act. You can be at the assessment if you wish but it can be more effective if it's just the occupational therapist as they are not emotionally involved with the outcome and offer practical solutions for the individual.

If Dad is agreeable, ask SS to contact you initially to make the appointment to visit your Dad. Then you can explain the situation about the laundry and any other concerns you have and they will incorporate these into the everyday living needs assessment. You need to prime SS about the pressing needs and they will act accordingly and make suggestions to your Dad.

Depending on the needs assessed, your Dad might be able to apply for Attendance Allowance which is a benefit to enable people to pay for additional help without it coming out of their own pocket, which seems important to your Dad and is not means tested.

I've asked for feedback on these suggestions and found that if a professional makes suggestions and recommendations for help and assistance,(rather than a family member), it's more likely to be agreed to and acted on by the indivdual being assessed.

I don't know why this happens and it's not a reflection of the concern that you have and the care that you want to give. But if a person outside the family, particularly a perceived professional suggests solutions, it's generally better received.

If you want any more info and I can help, just ask!

[Deleted User]

thanks Maz. Sounds like a good idea.

To be honest, this might work with him. He'll argue with me until the cows come home but he wont argue with someone he percieves to be 'in authoroity'. Its weird - even if he gets a hospital appt that he cant make he wont cancel it in case he upsets anyone.

To be fair, I might contact SS and see what they say. I know they need his permission but I wonder if I can ask them to sell it to him as an annual check or something rather than me asking them to attend. Then they can take a look. I'll wait a bit so its not so obvious though.

This is sort of how I got him to agree to get the kitchen ceiling repaired. I ended up telling him the housing association (remember he part-owns with them) had said it had to be done because it was their flat as well and he had responsibility to look after it. As soon as I said that he said ok then I've got no choice.

If I'd left to him he'd have left in until the ceiling fell down. Of course, HA never said such a thing, couldnt care either way lol.

margaretclare

It's weird - even if he gets a hospital appt that he cant make he won't cancel it in case he upsets anyone.

He's much more likely to 'upset someone' if he has an appointment and doesn't turn up. People who fail to keep NHS appointments cost the NHS money. Plus, that appointment could have been allocated to someone else, maybe someone who needed it more. A very very selfish attitude.

Errata

[quote=[Deleted User];66563904]
To be fair, I might contact SS and see what they say. I know they need his permission but I wonder if I can ask them to sell it to him as an annual check or something rather than me asking them to attend. Then they can take a look. I'll wait a bit so its not so obvious though.

.[/QUOTE]
Social Services aren't in the business of misleading elderly people, or telling them outright lies.

[Deleted User]

MC - No. I agree with you - not turning up is well out of order. I mean cancelling and re-booking it.

For instance, if you had holiday/plans and then a hospital appt clashed with this, wouldnt you try to re-arrange the appt? My Dad won't under any circumstances. Hes cancelled planned weekend away before because of an appt 3 months in advance was early monday am. I tried to tell him to just phone them and ask them to re-arrange.

But like you said, better than the people who think that hospital/doctor appt are just optional and see if they can be bothered on the day.

margaretclare

Yes, I would definitely phone and re-book, explain that we were going on holiday on the date stated. It has happened in the past. There was never any problem about it, appointments staff were only too pleased to re-book rather than have a wasted appointment.

DH gets quite a few appointments because of his Type II diabetes, his orthopaedic problems, you name it. We've sometimes said 'hang on, do they imagine that we're going to be sitting around at home just because of our age, not going anywhere?' Occasionally we've had urgent appointments come through on the phone (we do 'call diverted' from our landline to DH's mobile when we're out). There's never been any problem, though. They are human beings just doing a job, not some kind of gauleiter. If it was an appointment I really wanted I'd probably come back early from a weekend away, that's if it was really urgent. Could always come back Sunday evening.

Although, having said that, we got back about 9 pm last evening after a weekend in Yorkshire. DH drove 250 miles and no problems except when we hit the M11. Nose-to-tail crawl all the way, delayed us by about an hour and a half, reason not known. We are going to have to think seriously about going on that kind of weekend, getting very tiring going to re-enactment battles etc.

Mojisola

Errata wrote: »

Social Services aren't in the business of misleading elderly people, or telling them outright lies.

I asked for a referral to SS for my parents and, when they came, they said something like - we're here today to see how you're managing and whether there's anything we can do to help you.

Although my parents were lovely, there were some occasions when they were happy to go along with something when the nurse/OT/SS said it after resisting my attempts to get them to do the same thing.

Maz

Forgot to add/ask, does your Dad have a concessionary bus pass? This could be a solution for his transportation problems (if he has any).

[Deleted User]

Errata- nice attitude. Its not as if Im trying to gain anything personally out of it is there? Its all for his benefit at the end of the day and if a little white lie gets him the help he needs then so be it.

Moj - sounds good. I just know he'd kick off if they turned up and he percieved a 'fuss'.