Son not inviting all cousin to his wedding?

rose28454

Thanks for the helpful replies.

mrcow

rose28454 wrote: »

i have always been an enabler picking up other people's problems.

But you are not "picking up" anyone's problems here.

You are getting a great big wooden spoon and stirring it all up.

Stay out of it. It is absolutely nothing to do with you. At all.

If you don't, you could end up losing far more than you can afford - including the love and respect of your son and daughter in law. Stuff like this can cause problems for years to come. And it's you who will come off the worst.

It is 100% up to them who they invite to their wedding. It's nothing to do with you.

Your job as the Mother in law is to find yourself a dress and a hat, turn up to the day with a smile on your face, and be happy for them. Nothing else.

balletshoes

KxMx wrote: »

Family catch-up's are lovely but you certainly don't have weddings to please other people.

unfortunately thats exactly the trap some brides and grooms get into when planning their wedding, and I'm sure thats where the bulk of the wedding problems come from.

You can't please everyone when it comes to these kind of functions, so the best thing to do is please yourself, and that sounds exactly what the OP's son is doing. Good on him I say.

valk_scot

What do I think? That really, it's not up to you and you should leave it to your son and his fiancee. And that you should stop discussing it with your ex..he's being a bit of a twonk tbh threatening YOU about not coming to the wedding. It's not up to you and frankly he deserves to be given short shrift for trying to manipulate the situation via you. Do not allow yourself to be involved in this, it may feel quite exciting to be in the middle of all the drama but once again, it's nothing to do with you. Get son and dad to discuss it between them.

Skintski

I'm not really sure why anyone other than the bride and groom thinks they have a say in the guest list. Leave your son and his future wife to it, that way your relationship with them is unlikely to suffer. No one likes a pushy MIL.

rose28454

I only wrote this thread to get a general idea of what people think about inviting one side and not the other. As far as I am concerned they can invite as many or as few people as they want. I only got involved cause he rang me to ask for addresses or email addresses to send save the date cards. That is when he mentioned it. He does not want to invite my older brother and to be honest I dont care either way. Other members of my family will make a fuss if he is not invited but its up to them. Son told me his fiance would liked to have eloped but he wanted to invite friends and family. I am only involved in as much as oh and I are making a small financial contribution and are going to London a couple of days early to help with running around and last minute emergencies.
I already have my shoes on order!!!
And by the way I have thrown away my hair shirt!!! It would not match my new shoes anyway!

Mojisola

rose28454 wrote: »

I am only involved in as much as oh and I are making a small financial contribution and are going to London a couple of days early to help with running around and last minute emergencies.

I already have my shoes on order!!!

And by the way I have thrown away my hair shirt!!! It would not match my new shoes anyway!

Good for you!

If your ex starts to talk (rant?) to you about the wedding, stop him and tell him to talk to your son directly.

Enjoy the wedding!

rose28454

Mojisola wrote: »

Good for you!

If your ex starts to talk (rant?) to you about the wedding, stop him and tell him to talk to your son directly.

Enjoy the wedding!

Going to cinema with him later so will tell him he needs to speak to son himself.
Got my tissues ready

poet123

Weddings are a minefield.

A friend of mine is having a difficult time with her daughter and I would be interested to see what the consensus is on this one. Daughters parents are happy to pay for the whole wedding, absolutely everything. No contributions expected from the groom's side which are a split family.

A really expensive wedding in the offing but the Bride and Groom want the numbers invited on both sides to be the same, but they see that as being x2 as the Groom's parents are not together. So the upshot is the Bride's parents are being asked to pay for everything but being made to reduce the numbers they invite from their side. Additionally, a couple of their very close friends whom they wanted to invite are being excluded, which is probably going to result in no close friends being asked so that the excluded friends don't realise they were specifically excluded because the Bride doesn't like them!!

So Mum and Dad pay for everything but have no say in who is invited.

moromir

poet123 wrote: »

Weddings are a minefield.

A friend of mine is having a difficult time with her daughter and I would be interested to see what the consensus is on this one. Daughters parents are happy to pay for the whole wedding, absolutely everything. No contributions expected from the groom's side which are a split family.

A really expensive wedding in the offing but the Bride and Groom want the numbers invited on both sides to be the same, but they see that as being x2 as the Groom's parents are not together. So the upshot is the Bride's parents are being asked to pay for everything but being made to reduce the numbers they invite from their side. Additionally, a couple of their very close friends whom they wanted to invite are being excluded, which is probably going to result in no close friends being asked so that the excluded friends don't realise they were specifically excluded because the Bride doesn't like them!!

So Mum and Dad pay for everything but have no say in who is invited.

I think the parents need to make the terms of their agreeing to pay clear from the outset:

Either

1) The money is given free from any conditions or
2) The money is given on the condition that person A B and C are invited.

Then the couple can decide for themselves whether they wish to accept her parent's very generous offer or go it alone!